A Father and A Doctor's Diary

"Doc! Doc, code blue!"

I immediately walked towards the bed where they were reviving a kid. I'm not the doctor of this kid, but I have to act like a professional and help them to revive this kid. The other nurse assisted the parents of the child to gooutside for the meantime, while we are doing our best to save their daughter.

I can't afford to see a child struggling to live.

"Charge to 200!" I calmy said, and the nurse obliged immediately.

I need to stay calm, and act calm so that I will be able to save this kid. If I will just panic, nothing will happen. I will lost the child in my hands at this very moment.

"Clear!"

"All clear!"

We all looked at the heart rate machine when we heard that the sound is back to being normal. Meaning, he came back to life again, because his heart is already beating again.

I breathe a large amount of air, and smiled at the child, "Welcome back, kiddo."

I looked at everyon who is inside of this room, and smiled at them, "Monitor her heart rate from time to time," I said and nodded my head, "well done."

I stormed outside the room, feeling reliefed about what happen. I looked up and smiled in contentment. Suddenly, somoene pulled my arm so I needed to look at that person.

"Thank you doc!" The mother of the son is crying while she was saying that.

I smiled and held her hand while I was looking at her and her husband, "We just need to monitor her, but as of now, she's okay."

Her husband held my hand and squeezed it gently, "Thank you, for saving our daughter."

I nodded my head, still smiling, "You also need to thank your daughter," I looked inside the room, and saw that the nurses are monitoring the situation of the child. Her doctor is already there, so they don't need me anymore, "because she chose to go back," I looked back again at the couple in fron tof me, who is also looking at their daughter.

I stepped badk and lower my head a little bit, "Excuse me, I will just do some rounds," I excused myself and smiled at them for the last time before walking away.

I put my hands inside the pocket of my white coat while I'm doing my rounds. There were some people who will greet me while walking, and I will just smiled at them in return. I stopped walking, right in front of another room. I sighed and put a smile on my face, before opening the door of this room.

"Hi doc!"

I smiled widely as soon as I saw my patuent, "Hey there bud," I closed the door, and walk towards my patient.

"Good afternoon doc," his father greeted me, and I just smiled and bowed my head a little.

I returned my gaze to my patient, who has stage 4 brain cancer, and he just undergo to his brain surgery yesterday.

"How are you feeling?" I asked while I was gently caressing his bald head.

The kod sighed and then touched the back of his head, "It hurts a little bit here, doc," he said like he was about to cry anytime soon.

I immediately looked at the back of his head to check if there is something wrong about the stiches, his surgeon did. As far as I know, this is where they opened his head during his surgery.

"It will be okay soon, alright," I calmly said and smiled at him.

Which is very impossible to happen

If you are experiencing cancer, you will really need to fight for your life if you want to live. It's exhausting, and at the same time heart breaking to hear the voices of these children everytime they are having a hard time. These kids are still young, yet they are experiencing this already.

He slowly nodded his head, like he knew that it is impossible that everything is going to be alright soon, "Yes doc, I know that the pain will be over soon," he's smiling at me while he's saying that. Like he is not having having a hard time in life.

This is what I like about these children. They are diaganosed woth cancer, but they still choose to believe that all their pain will be gone soon. That they will recover and live like a normal child.They are very positive, and they really want to live so even if it's hard and painful for them, they strive because they still want to live.

I stayed there for a couple of minutes, before I decided to do some rounds again. After that, I wen inside the elevator to go in my office. Hell, I'm so damn tired, but I can't do anuthing about it because I'm a doctor. At the end of the day, even if you're tired and you just want to take a sleep, if you see your patient doing well in his or her recovery, it will all be worth it.

"Arghhhh."

I took of my white coat, and sat on my sofa. I massaged the bridge of my noes, and also my forehead. I have 10 minutes break, before I do some rounds again and some check ups. I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, before I opened my eyes again. My gaze went to my desk, where the picture frame of my daughter is located.

I sighed heavily, before walking towards my desk. I got the picture frame, and stared it for so long, that I didn't realize that I was already crying while looking at the picture of my daughter. She was about 6 and a half years old that time. She is wearing her very cute, charming and angelic smile, but behind those smiles is pure pain.

I didin't know that, that will be the last time I will see her smile like that.

Dear diary,

This day is very exhausting, but once I saw some patients who is fast recovering, it's all worth it.  Avanneth, my daughter, I know you saw what happened a while ago. I'm a doctor, and it's my duty to save people's lofe, but how come I can't save yours? Am I bad father, Ava? Because I can save the lives of people I don't know personally, but I can't save the life of my daughter.

From,

Dr. Aven Jaxon Rodriguez