Chapter 3: His feelings

She doesn't want to marry me. I know that. I don't care. I know she will love me later.

We drive home at a private villa. This wedding was private. But it still made me extremely pleased. I'm happy but she's not.

When we arrived home, she treats me as air and did not initiate a conversation. After I pointed our room, she left without saying a word. She's cold. Of course you'll be cold to someone you don't love. At least for now.

I am bad tempered, easily angered. I look calm in the surface because I don't want to reveal what's on my mind. But around her? It's different. 

I want to make her mine. I want to be selfish. I want her to love me. But I don't know how to love her. All I did was stare at her secretly. Stare and stare.

It was fine. No conjugal nights. No honeymoon. Marrying her is all I need.

Why? I also ask myself sometimes. Why in the world would I  choose someone who doesn't love me? 

"Stop being stupid Rei, just go find a girl who could take care of you for real." they told me. But I don't want to. I want her. 

"I can take care of myself asshole." I answered before ending the call. 

They've been telling me that over and over. I already know. But let's give it a try. Maybe. Why don't we try? Finding someone who cares for me is impossible. So maybe if we gave it a try, maybe it could work. I'm not an expressive person but we could succeed if we set our minds to it right? You just need the guts to do what you want. 

~~~

On our first night, she woke up and found me staring at her. She was startled and backed away. I am annoyed. Why is she afraid of me? I didn't hurt him in any way.

"Are you afraid of me?" she hesitated fo a moment but nodded her head honestly. 

"Good. You should." I said and hashly yanked her waist. Suddenly, I was on top of her. It was just a peck. I don't want to force her.

I don't want to force the woman I want. I don't want to play with fire and be burnt in the end. So even if it's just a simple peck, it made my stomach flutter. My friends call me foolish because of this decision. I don't care. I want to do what makes me happy, genuinely happy. Not the happiness I get when I kill innocent people, not the satisfaction of putting a bullet through an enemy's head... The happiness from a person you want to be with. I felt her body trembling, maybe because of fear? I wanna know what she is thinking right now. Is she thinking I'm claiming her virginity now? No, I can't do that. I felt the urge to do more, explore further and make her completely mine but I restricted myself. So instead, I pressed my lips harder and she started to struggle. My hands traveled down to meet her hands and with that, I entangled our fingers. I pulled away and she breathed heavily. I looked at her in the eyes. 

"I'm a bad person. And I'm not experienced enough when it comes into this, I'm helpless." I said what came to my mind. If only... If only you feel the same way... 

She probably hates me. I married her against her will. She might not said it but I know she is against this marriage. 

I want this proximity. I want to keep her close but I don't k ow how.

"You don't want this marriage, don't you? I know. But still, I'm not letting you go." I said in a placid tone and she just stared at me. 

"I hate you." she whispered. I looked at her deeply. 

"I know." 

I already know. 

It pains me. Thousands of people hates me. I didn't give a fuck. But now she said she hates me. I already know but damn, it still feel worst. Why do I care? Why do I have to care? What's important is... I finally married her. So to hide the pain my eyes tried to hide, and to ease the heavy and painful feeling in my chest, I kissed her in a whim. I only wanted it to be a peck at first but the pain didn't go away. It lingered there in my whole being. So the simple peck turned into sucking, lapping and biting. She struggled at my sudden movements but I held her firmly, my other hand encircled her waist and my other hand still entangles her fingers. Surprisingly, she stopped struggling, as if retreating and admitting defeat. My heart is beating hell fast. So is her. Euphoria slowly enveloped mine and the restrictions all flew away. The pain I felt was forgotten. The kiss is making me hot all over. I used my tongue to part her teeth and delved deeper. I felt her shiver but I don't care. This sweet and sensual feeling is eating me. My hands on her waist is now exploring inside her bare skin. God, this feeling is so good. So good that it's overwhelming. Her jade like soft skin feels soft under my hands and it intensified the brewing feelings inside me. I pulled away when we both runs out of air. Her face is so red, which made her looked better, enticing. So I restricted myself again. That's enough. The pain is gone. That's already enough. 

I kissed her on the forehead.

"Sleep. I won't do anything to you." I resolutely said and moved away from her. 

~~~

While working in the cold and placid workplace, he can't get her out of my mind. He often spaces out and stares dumbly at nowhere. He is reminiscing their kiss. 

How he kissed her that night. Without knowing, her secretary entered and was shocked to see the boss on his chair. 

He was staring at space and had an alluring look on his eyes while his point finger was gently tapping his moist lips. The secretary's knees almost buckled at the sight. Is it possible that the boss found someone he likes? No it's impossible. As the person closest to the boss, she knew Mr. Lee too well. He was the definition of the word wicked. 

Meanwhile, in Rei's utopia, he was still kissing her full cherry lips while his body was pressed unto her... And his hands, God knows where his hands had been. He could still feel the warm and supple skin in his palm while his other hand entangled his fingers into her hand. This was his most blissful moment which he'll cherish as long as he's alive. He licked his lower lips unconsciously and smirked. 

The secretary held on to the wall as she supported himself. The sight of the boss licking his lower lip was too much for him. Every fiber of her body was trembling. And what does that smirk mean? Is she thinking of the girl she likes? Does boss know how lethal he is right know? She tried to calm her heart and breathed heavily. Then, she interrupted her boss' thoughts. 

"Ehem... Sir, the report for the marketing was here." the secretary said. That was the time Rei raise his head. Which is unusual. He already know when someones in front of the door. He already know it when someone entered the room, and who is it. 

At the sight of his handsome boss staring at her while the sunlight shone on his magnificent face, her nose nearly bled. God, help me. This wicked man is so seductive. She thought as she tried to brief the report. The poor secretary stuttered through out the report. 

~~~

After some time, Ali raised her head only to find put she was still in the rooftop. She had fallen asleep there. The sky was slightly turning grey and she needs to be home. 

"At least you have to try to please him, who knows, you might get his favor and agree to divorce you someday."

She has to please his husband. Her eyes was full of resolution as she stood and made her way downstairs. 

When she arrived home, she sighed. It felt serene. She opened the refrigerator and tapped her pointing finger on her lips. She tried to decide what to cook. Her eyes lit up when she saw tofu in the corner. Then she started cooking. She checked the time. It was only 7 pm. Shame on her. She doesn't even know what time his husband will finish his work. Nevermind, it was just an artificial marriage after all. They are just legally married. Nothing more. After she cooked, she sat on the sofa and waited for him. After a while, her eyelids felt heavy and she yawned. Unconsciously she fell asleep.