Diary Of A Black Girl

 It was Sunday.Papa made it mandatory we got to church two hours before service began so that we would kneel before the altar and "seek the face of God" first,before anyone else.Mama and I always sat in the front pew for the first and second service,my legs would be pressed together and our eyes glued to Papa as he preached the word.He would turn to look at us to see if were paying attention to his sermon and in response we would nod our heads,our eyes not wavering from his.Occasionally,he would bring out his blue handkerchief to wipe his face that glistened with sweat.When it was time to pray,he would hold his eyes shut so hard that his face tightened into a grimace and then stretch his hands to the congregation. Some would stand to their feet as if their seats burned their buttocks,place one hand on their heads and shout a loud "Amen".My "Amen" always sounded robotic and practised,lacking emotion while Mama would say hers loudly like the others.I used to think that th

 I remained a snub to most of my classmates until the end of the term. But I did not worry too much about that because I carried a bigger load- the problem of making sure I came first this term. I was full of anxiety about it, It was like carrying a bag of cement on my head everyday at school and not being being able to hold it with my hand above my head. At home, I read until my eyes felt like sand or the fine prints on my books started to move and become blurry. I made sure to memorise what the teachers said because I knew my textbooks would not make sense if I tried to read them later. After every paper, a hard lump formed in my throat like tough balls of garri that refused to go down and it remained there until the exams were over. School closed for the short break in April. I was too scared to check my report card to see how I did so I waited until Papa's driver, David came to pick me. On the way home, I peered into my report card and saw 1 out of 30,

 I was putting away my clothes into the wardrobe when Aunty Dunni arrived in the afternoon. She seemed taller than I remembered and her brown skin glowed as if she had rubbed oil on it.Her nails were no longer painted bright red instead they were coated a light pink and resting on one of her fingers was the huge diamond engagement ring her second husband,the politician had given to her before they got married.It looked a bit heavy on her slender finger but maybe I was just imagining it because she didn't act like it was."Welcome Aunty."I greeted her,bending one knee out of courtesy. "Hei!Adejare,is this you?"She clapped her hands dramatically,making the jewelries on her wrists jiggle in response and moved to touch my face as if she couldn't believe it was actually me.I stiffened a little when her hand touched my skin,not used to physical contact but she didn't act like she noticed."Was it not just yesterday I carried you on my back

 I woke up thinking what happened last night was all a bad dream, a nightmare I wanted to forget. Mama and Papa would never ask me to do anything that went against their moral doctrines. We were christians and it was abominable in the sight of God, but why couldn't I shake off the feeling that it wasn't a dream and it really happened?A sudden loud knock on the door jolted me out of my thoughts."Deja!" Papa's voice resonated outside the room.I jumped in fright.What was happening?A number of insistent knockings followed,making my heart race in fear. "Open the door right now!" He boomed, twisting the door handle.What had I done?Immediately I opened the door Papa burst in. Clad in his grey button down pyjama shirt and trousers, his eyes darted across the room as if he was searching for something and was certain he would find it in my room. "Why did you lock the door? You want to commit sin with your body,is that it?" He p

 The sun was slowly going down the horizon, dusk peeping in its wake when the last guests finally left for their various homes, leaving the house empty and quiet which I was grateful for. Dirty dishes and glass cups were scattered all over the house so I welcomed the distraction and walked around the house quietly, placing them in a large tray. As I assembled the dishes and cups into the sink to wash, the front door opened and closed. I listened to the sound of footsteps approaching the kitchen slowly."I didn't expect so many people to come today." Papa stated, surprise evident in his tone. He took off the black blazer that he had worn to the funeral and hung it on the chair in the dining room, showing off his white shirt.I didn't feel like talking so I continued washing. All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed and fall into a deep sleep, maybe that way I could forget what had happened today and shut out the pain I was feeling inside. I fel