16 From the first time I saw y*u

I wake up early and full of energy. I get to the CrossFit class at 9 o’clock and Miranda is already here. I’m excited, I have missed my training the last couple of weeks, but today I finally felt good enough to come. I take my place next to Miranda. I’m sure she’s going to want to tell me all about her date last night with Barney.  

“Good morning,” I greet cheerfully. Miranda looks at me with a sad expression. Maybe her date didn’t go very well. “What’s wrong?”

“Haven’t you heard? Oh, Oli, such a tragedy... Erick Cooper’s house burnt down last night. They lost everything, all of their belongings, and the worst part is they think it was arson. So sad.”

“Oh, no. How terrible!” I’m shocked. I know last time I saw Erick he was kicking me out of his house, but that doesn’t mean I’m not saddened to hear this awful thing happened to him and his family. “Are they ok?”

“He and his parents got out on time, but his grandmother was on a wheelchair and the firemen couldn’t get her out quick enough, she inhaled too much smoke and... she died.” Miranda’s eyes fill with tears. 

“This is terrible,” I whisper. I press my back against the nearest wall. I can’t believe this happened, I feel so sorry for Erick and his family. I wish there was something I could do to help them.

“Who would do something like that? She was an 85-year-old woman... What kind of monster would set fire to a family home?” Miranda exclaims. 

“I hope the police catch whoever did this soon.” I express outraged. “Who would want to harm them?”

“I don’t know. They seem like such a nice family. They meditate a lot, do a lot of yoga, they are really peaceful people, it doesn’t make any sense someone would want to harm them.”

“So maybe it wasn’t arson. Maybe it was a problem with the electric wires or something like that.” I remark because it’s easier to believe that this was an accident than to face the scary fact that there are monsters capable of doing this to an innocent family.

“Maybe you are right.” I know Miranda is agreeing with me because for her the alternative is also too much to handle. 

We don’t mention our dates, it would seem to shallow to talk about that after what happened. 

Miranda and I usually have brunch together after CrossFit, but today neither of us is in the mood. Instead of going back home, I take a few laps running around the park. My body is already tired, but my mind feels restless, and running always helps me clear my head. Hearing about someone else losing a relative always takes me back to the day Alex died. A few tears escape me while I run, but the more I push my body to exhaustion the less I feel the absence of my big brother. Once I’m done, my legs are burning, but I feel much better. I go back home and find Stefan’s car parked in front of the house. He gets off his car the moment he sees me. 

“Are you working on the weekends too?” I ask jokingly. 

“No, I’m not that committed to my job. I came because I just missed you too much.”

He wants to hug me, but I’m too sweaty from my workout so I take a step back. 

“I thought we left everything in good terms last night,” Stefan says confused. 

“We did! It’s just that I really really need a shower.” I explain. 

“Ok, what do you say you go take a shower and then we go out on a date.” He suggests. 

I nod emphatically. I walk towards the front door, but he doesn’t follow me in. 

“Are you coming in?” I ask. 

“I’d rather wait for you outside. I don’t want to run into your mom.”

I smile at him before rushing in, I can’t blame him if he wants to avoid my mom. Maybe someday they’ll get along; but I shouldn’t get my hopes up, my mom doesn’t really get along with anyone and Stefan it’s probably not going to be the exception.   

It takes me about twenty minutes to get ready. I put on a denim miniskirt and a purple top that accentuates my tiny waist, no high heels for me today, my calves are killing me after all the exercise I did. My hair is still a little wet, but I don’t want to waste more time that I could be spending with Stefan. I go downstairs as fast as my exhausted legs allow me. He’s still waiting for me on the front porch.

“Now can I hug you?” He asks as I step out of the house.

“Yes,” I reply with a big smile and my heart fills with joy when I feel his arms around me.

I get in his car without even asking where we are going. I feel relieved when he takes me to a sushi restaurant downtown. It’s a good thing I love sushi because I’m starving. 

We are seated on a table next to a large window overlooking the street. We watch pedestrians come and go while we wait for our order. 

“What are you thinking about?” I ask Stefan as he’s so focused looking at the people walking outside. 

“About appearances. Most people don’t pay enough attention to them, but our looks are crucial.” He replies distracted. 

“What do you mean?”

“Look at the people outside. Most of them look scruffy, their clothes are awful, their hair is messy. They are not trying to look their best...”

“Maybe they were in a hurry this morning.” I intervene. “It’s hard to look good all the time. Sometimes you don’t feel like dressing up.”

Stefan gazes at me and chuckles. “Come on, you’re always at your best. It’s obvious you make the effort to look good.”

“Sometimes I don’t. You just saw me a while ago covered in sweat with my face all red from running. I looked like a mess.”

Stefan frowns. “No, you didn’t, you looked perfect. You always look beautiful. Just like a doll.” 

“Maybe your opinion is a little biased.” I get a big grin on my face. This man is as taken by me as I am with him. 

“No, it’s the truth. I have thought it since the first time I saw you. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” 

“You thought I looked beautiful yelling at my dad to stop hitting Sam?” Just thinking about the night my dad attacked Sam gives me goosebumps. 

“No, doll, that wasn’t the first time I saw you. It was the first time you noticed me, but by then I was already smitten with you. I saw you a few days before that, it was a Tuesday morning, you were coming down the stairs wearing a light pink dress, you looked so cute and so sad at the same time... I suddenly felt the urge to protect you. I told myself it was absurd, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about you after that day.” 

I gulp. He thought I looked sad? The thought that I’m becoming a perpetually sad-looking woman like my mom terrifies me. I know I’ve had a difficult year, but I never ever want to end up being a sad person that takes sleeping pills and wanders around her house yearning for better days. I have to avoid that future at all costs. I promise myself to be more cheerful, regardless of how suffocated I feel at home.  

“Did I say something wrong? You look upset.” Stefan says with a worried expression.

“No! Not at all. I just had no idea you felt this way.” I reply with a big smile. No more sadness for me. 

After lunch, Stefan takes me back home. I would prefer to spend the rest of the day with him, but he doesn’t suggest it and I don’t want to seem pushy. He walks with me to the front porch of the house, he kisses me goodbye and hugs me; I put my arms around his waist until my hands find a hard metal object on his back, I recoil surprised. 

“You are carrying a gun!” I exclaim staggered. 

“Yes,” Stefan narrows his eyes like he doesn’t get why I’m so surprised. 

“Why?” 

“I always carry it with me,” he replies like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

“Are you one of those gun enthusiasts?” I ask with fear, I really hate firearms, especially after my brother’s murder and what my dad did to Sam. 

“No, I’m a safety enthusiast,” Stefan replies shrugging. “Is there a problem?” 

“No... I mean... I don’t love the idea of having guns around,” I explain. “What if you accidentally hurt someone? You never know with these things.”

“Don’t worry, I know my way around guns. It’s totally safe. You have nothing to worry about, I will always keep you safe.” 

I give him a thin smile. Why does he need a gun to go eat sushi? I don’t want to argue, so I say nothing more. I guess everyone has their own eccentricities.