26 Not Ready to Know

“What did she just say?” Stefan asks with an astounded expression on his face.

I have no idea if he’s just startled, angry or if he’s getting a heart attack, all I know is that he’s not happy. I often wondered how Stefan would react when I told him and I secretly hoped that if I was, in fact, pregnant, he would stand by my side and face this with me. But that’s clearly not going to happen. Maybe he hates children or the idea of being a parent repulses him; or maybe I’m the problem, just because he often joked about us getting married doesn’t mean he actually wants to be tied to me for the rest of his life. 

I start to panic at his reaction. If I’m pregnant, I’m going to have to face this alone and I’m not sure I’m the kind of woman who is strong enough to be a single mother. I don’t even like going to the movies alone!

“She called me a future dad... Olivia, are you pregnant?” Stefan asks given that I haven’t said a word yet.

I take a step back; my heart is pounding in my chest. All I can think of is the million responsibilities I’m going to have to face alone. Stefan takes me by the shoulders and lowers his face so our eyes are leveled up before he repeats his question. 

“Olivia, are you pregnant?” 

“I don’t know,” I mumble feeling tiny. 

“Roxana seemed to know very well. Why the heck am I hearing about this from her and not from you?” His face is red, he’s definitely angry and apparently making a great effort not to lose control. “Say something!”

“Maybe I am,” I reply softly. 

I’m not ready to have this conversation. I wanted to know for sure first, make up my mind and then talk to Stefan. This is not how I was planning this to happen and I certainly was not expecting him to get angry. 

“What do you mean maybe?” Stefan asks with a frown. 

I suddenly feel an electric wave running thru my body, a shot of energy that gives me the strength and determination to react. 

“I mean exactly that. Maybe I’m pregnant, maybe I’m not. But whatever happens with me, what I don’t need is putting up with this attitude of yours. I don’t need you, Stefan.” I turn around and walk up the stairs feeling empowered. 

I have no idea what just came onto me. Did I just tell Stefan I don’t need him? Am I sure of that? I mean, especially now that my family is apparently broke, I shouldn’t act all mighty and confident. It’s too late to back down now. I walk the rest of the staircase with my confidence diminished, but still walking proudly. I know pride is not going to feed me or my hypothetical baby, but if Stefan does not want to be part of our baby’s life, at least I’m going to keep my pride. Before I reach the upper floor, Stefan grabs me by the arm and forces me to face him. I didn’t realize he was following me. 

“What is going on with you?” He asks. “Where are you going? We have to talk.” 

“I want to be alone. I can’t even look at you right now.” I reply trying to hold on to that energy I felt downstairs, but it’s slipping away fast. I need to reach my bedroom before I lose all my nerves. 

“I’m sorry, are YOU mad at me?” He asks in disbelieve.

“You are a jerk, of course, I’m mad at you!” I shout as I shake my arm to be free of his grip, but he just tightens his fingers harder.

“We are expecting a child together and, instead of telling me, you wait for the most obnoxious woman on the planet to give me the news. How am I the bad guy here?” 

“Hey, Oli, your mom is looking for you, she wants us to take a picture together with grandma.” My cousin Karen is standing in the middle of the staircase trying to pretend she hasn’t noticed the uncomfortable scene she just walked into. “Hi, I’m Karen.” She greets Stefan. 

I can tell from Stefan’s expression he wants to tell her to get lost, but he doesn’t.

“Hi, I’m Stefan Corvino,” he says as politely as his anger allows him.

“Welcome to the craziest family there is,” she replies. 

“Karen, can you give us a minute, please. Tell grandma I’ll be right down.” I say with as much kindness as I can, but I’m pretty upset and it surely shows.

Karen and I are the same age, but opposite poles. She loves nature and freedom; her hair is dyed pink and has multiple piercings all over her face. I’ve never had a piercing in my life. She listens to bands I’ve never heard of and often participates in demonstrations against the government and multinationals. The closest I’ve ever been to a demonstration is the time Ivan made the wrong turn on our way to the mall and we encountered a workers’ strike. 

“Sure, take your time. Grandma just called me Elsa like two times and I’m pretty sure there’s not even an Elsa in the family, she won’t notice your absence...” She starts to walk downstairs. “By the way, congratulations on the baby.”

I shriek. “Roxana told you?” This is terrible! If she told Karen I’m sure she has shared the news with many others. 

“No,” Karen looks at us amused. “You are talking about it quite loudly on the staircase...” 

I cover my mouth with my hands. “Oh, no.” The words drown against my palm.

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t think anyone else heard you and I promise not to say a word,” Karen says before walking away. 

“Let’s talk somewhere else,” Stefan says more calmly. 

“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s so obvious you don’t want to be a part of this. Just leave.” I say and sprint to my room, but I’m not fast enough so Stefan reaches my door before I can close it. He pushes the door and walks into my room, once again looking furious. 

“What is your problem?!” He shouts angrily. “Why are you running away from me?”

“Because it is so obvious that the news made you miserable... you got so angry with the idea of us having a baby, I don’t want you here like that...”

“You are crazy! I’m not angry because you’re pregnant, I’m angry because I wasn’t the first one to know and you told Roxana of all people! That’s what bothered me not you and...” He points at my belly and then grabs me by the shoulders to pull me closer to him to wrap me in his arms. “How could you think even for a second that I wouldn’t want to be part of this baby’s life? Have you lost your mind? You are the most important person in my life Olivia. I love you.” 

I gulp, maybe I did act foolishly. I close my eyes relieved, enjoying being in his arms. 

“I’m sorry, I think I got a little crazy, the last couple of weeks have been so stressful,” I say with my head leaned over his chest. 

“Couple of weeks? How long have you known?” He asks irritated. 

“Technically, I don’t know for sure. I just know I’m late... really late. Yesterday I was freaking out and Roxana noticed it and somehow got the truth out of me. She told me that I wasn’t necessarily pregnant and that I should wait and take a test before talking to you. Which I intended to do until she decided to blab my secret downstairs.” I confess. 

Stefan sighs. “So, it’s not for sure. You mean we just went thru all this drama for nothing?” 

“Hmm... kind of...” 

“Oh, Olivia. Ok, this is what we are going to do: I’ll go to the pharmacy right away to buy a pregnancy test, you’ll take it, and depending on the result we’ll start making plans. Sounds good?”

“Could we postpone it for tomorrow? My whole family is here and I should be downstairs with them, not here worrying about a possible pregnancy. Once I find out, I won’t be able to think about anything else and I haven’t seen my relatives in so long, at least I can give them one night. If I’m pregnant I’ll still be pregnant tomorrow, I can take the test then and enjoy tonight. If that’s ok with you.” I know postponing things is not the most mature attitude, but I just need some time to prepare myself for what might come. 

“Sure. You are right. One night doesn’t change anything and you should enjoy the event. Let’s go downstairs and not think about this. There will be plenty of time to make plans later,”  Stefan softly kisses my forehead. 

We go downstairs to join in the Ricci’s annual gathering. There’s no formal dinner, there are simply too many of us to accommodate in the dining room, instead, we offer a buffet so people can grab their food and seat anywhere they see fit. There are relatives all over the first floor. My mom is coming and going desperately, she hates the idea of people not using coasters, she’s afraid one of the children might break something valuable or that someone might spill wine on her couch. My dad, on the other hand, is having the time of his life. He loves being surrounded by his extended family, I haven’t seen him smile so earnestly since before Alex passed away. I miss my brother so much, he really loved these gatherings, I wish I could talk about him with someone. 

“What are you thinking about?” Stefan whispers to my ear. 

“About my brother. It feels weird that he’s not here,” I reply saddened. 

“These glasses are amazing! Do you know where your mom got them?” Stefan is looking at the glass as if he was an archeologist studying a fossil. 

I frown. I know he doesn’t like to speak about this subject, but his change of topic was really rude. 

“I have no idea,” I reply curtly. 

We find a seat in the living room, but I immediately regret seating here, we are surrounded by hostile stares from every man in the room. Apparently, it’s not just Mike or uncle Gus, every male in this family hates Stefan. I try to ignore the hateful eyes fixated on us and I guess Stefan is doing the same. What is everyone’s problem? I suddenly remember my mom bought the glasses on Amazon, I helped her because she wasn’t sure how to use the app. I show them to Stefan on my phone. I couldn’t care less about the glasses, I just need a distraction to avoid the awkwardness. 

My cousin Patrick’s children enter the room like a stampede, the youngest one trips over with the carpet and falls head-on, his chin starts to bleed. The kid bawls on the floor, Stefan picks him up and takes a napkin that he presses against the kid’s chin to stop the bleeding. Patrick arrives striding and takes the child away from Stefan’s arms. He doesn’t even say thank you or recognizes Stefan’s presence in any way. He carries his son away without looking at us.

“That was so rude, I’m really sorry,” I apologize ashamed for my family’s behavior. I seriously don’t get what has gotten into everybody. 

“Don’t worry, doll. He was probably too worried about his son, he wasn’t thinking clearly. No big deal. I would have reacted the same if it was our kid,” he says with a complicit smile. 

I nudge him playfully on his side, we agreed not to speak about it for the rest of the evening.