2, A Warm Blue Color

Write me letters, Leave me notes. Help me figure out how you left with all your faults.

****

It's been officaly two weeks since that Friday night. My mom's been out of the house more than usual. I get it though, she can't bear to stay trapped in this house. Everywhere I turn I see an image of Kylie. I get another memory. I like them though. I like how much pain they bring me.

It's close to 7.30am right now and I'm supposed to be on my way to school for the first time since what had happened but, mom insisted I meet my therapist, miss Nadia, before I go for class. I didn't mind the idea. 

To be quite honest, I miss talking to miss Nadia. I haven't seen her in the whole two weeks and I kind of feel like I've lost touch of my sanity. It's crazy how therapists just have this weird ability to make you feel more...human.

I like Miss Nadia's office. It's painted a warm blue colour. Miss Nadia says she chose the colour because it's clinically proven to soothe people. I think that's a load of crap but, again, what do I know?

"Hi love", Miss Nadia greets compassionately before pulling me into a soft, welcoming hug. I like hugging Miss Nadia. She's gentle and she smells like freshly baked peach cobbler. Also, I don't mind her calling me love.

"Hi", I whisper

We sat down and Miss Nadia picked up her writing pad and pen.

"So?", she spoke, "I'm not going to ask you how you are. I think I already have an idea"

I stayed silent.

"How have you been coping? Do you feel like things are ever gonna get easier?"

"I mean. Obviously they will, some day just not...soon."

She gnaws at her lip quickly then scribbles something down in her notepad. "How do you know things will get better?"

"I don't...", I truthfully say. "It's just one of those things that everyone says. Like at the funeral, everyone looked at me with tears in their eyes and swore that everything would be fine. But.... how do they know? They don't feel how I feel. They can't see the future, how dare they look me in my face and tell me that I'm still going to be happy someday, without her... without Kylie. They're all just a bunch of liars"

There was an uncomfortable silence for a minute.

"Well, when people see somebody going through a hard time, one of the easiest things to say is that everything will be okay. It's a way of, trying to give you...hope"

"I don't want hope. I just want my sister back"

"I'm sure you do. And so does your family. But, as much as you would want her to come back, she can't"

A tear drops from my eye after the words leave her lips. I pick up a tissue and wipe it away quickly. The tissue was soft, and a light shade of violet. It smelt like the office. It smelt like a beach.

"Maybe you could take some time to try and do some of the things that Kylie used to enjoy", she suggests, "It could help you start to feel abit closer to her. Maybe, watch movies she liked, read some of her books. Anything that you know would help you feel like you're abit more part of her".

***

The car ride to school after my therapy session was very different. For the first time, I couldn't wait to get out of the car and just be alone.

My mom pulled over in one of the parking spaces in the school parking lot. Before I could get out of the car, she spoke up. "I've been thinking", she says. "It would be nice if you went to live with your dad over the weekend"

Oh boy. Here we go with the daddy issues

My father's name is Kevin Burklin, I used to call him Dad but, that was close to four years ago. I haven't spoken to him ever since he and my mom divorced and I had to move to Yellow Oak. 

My parents divorced when I was 12. They started having problems when I was 10 though, they thought I didn't notice but, I did. My dad found 'love' in some other woman and as it turned out, he had a daughter with this woman right around the same time I was born and me, Kylie and mom had no clue till I was about 8 so, you could imagine how weird the whole thing was for me.... I mean, for us.

After my parents divorced, my dad stayed in the neighbourhood I grew up in back at Echo Creek. He lives there with his new wife Ciara and their daughter Kiara. Or as I call them, his new family. I've only ever seen pictures. I've never met Kiara. Kylie has though, she would visit every summer.

It was weird, Kylie was never mad at my dad. She didn't hate him for cheating on my mom and making our lives change. She actually found it in her heart to love him. 

Not me though, I absolutely hate the bastard.

"I don't wanna", I reply

"I know. But, think of how suddenly she just...left. Forever. It could happen to anyone of us next and...I know you would hate yourself if it happened to your father and you didn't have a relationship with him. Or at least tried to"

I sigh and look outside the car window.

"Think of it this way, you could discover a whole other side of Kylie that you didn't know was there"

Miss Nadia's words played through my mind at that moment.

"...Fine", I groan, slamming the car door and walking into school

Everyone stared and chatted as I walked in but, I didnt really care, I just wanted to get through first and second period Literature.

I walk into class and sit down at my usual desk, right in the corner of the back of the classroom. I liked that seat beacuse it was alwsys warm. There was a heater  attached to the wall just a few inches above the vent. It never turns off so, it always serves its purpose. It's purpose is to bring warmth. That's partly why I love it so much.

I looked up at the wall clock that hung on a rusty old nail  hammered strategically above the whiteboard. I could feel every single eye in the class pierce my skin. What were they all looking at? A poor girl whose sister died right before homecoming week?

Wow, it hurts to even think about. I mean, living it hurts too but, thinking it hurts a little worse.

In an attempt to blur out the voices and the looks, I squint my eyes slightly and pay extra close attention to the movement of the copper hands in the polka-dotted wall clock but before I knew it, I started to think of that night. I started to think about her. 

I started to think about Kylie.

My eyes start to mistify until suddenly I feel a tap on my shoulder that makes me scared a little.

"Hey, relax",Trip whispers urgently. He could tell that he scared me a little. "It's just me"

"Hey", I respond, wiping the tear drop that almost fell down my face.

"I tried calling last night", he says 

"I didn't even notice", I lie, "My phone was off"

18 times. He had called me exactly 18 times. I sat down on my bedroom floor last night just letting the ringing on my phone fill up the entire room while I cried to a point of emptiness for the night. I sat there crying to a point where I felt like nothing in the world could ever trigger one more tear down my face. 

I was wrong though. I'm sure of it.

"That's okay", he said full of compassion. "I just wanted to ask about homecoming. I thought maybe we could skip our plans this year. We could just hang out at my place"

I stayed quiet and he continued to try cheerfully, "We could watch Spongebob and eat icecream or something"

The truth is, even though I love Trip with all my heart and wouldn't want to disappoint him, I just can't deal with all of that. I just, can't pretend to be fine. Not yet.

"I want to, I really do but, I can't", I tell him. "I'm going to my dad's this weekend"

"Oh. Are you ready to see him?" He asked, so concerned. I love him for that.

"No."

****

Chapter's Question: Do you guys have a good relationship with your dad? Also, What do you think will happen when Kelsie goes back to Echo Creek?

Find out in the next chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment

-xoxo, Lakish'a

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