Sixteen

Juana began to spend a lot of time with her three friends-Ivy, Alicia and Ella. It was a new beginning for her. Her life was not complete, she knew that because she still got bullied, she still had asthma, she still froze from the memory of her odyssey at the hebephile's on Meadow street, she still worried for granny's failing health and she still missed her mom, but she was better. She was grateful for the little things. She was grateful to God for sending her friends back. There were still nights she'd cry herself to sleep and pray to God to bring back her mom but in the mornings, she cheered up. The nightmares have begun to appear less frequently but they still came, and frightened her. Dad still shouted at her one time, and apologized at another time. It was the usual routine ever since Dawn disappeared. Granny was in the hospital. She has a problem with her heart, so the doctor said. It worried Juana. She didn't want her granny to die. She was too worried to confide in her dad. She just kept it to herself. Lilian hated her more, and Eric made fun of her whenever her eyes were teary because of the bullying. She hated them too, for sure, but she just won't use the word "hate" because her mom said it was too strong a word and that it was wrong to hate anyone. Baron never allowed his daughter sleep over at her friends', instead he asked them over at her place. He wanted to fully keep watch over his daughter. He had to, or no one else would. Every Friday evenings, Ivy, Alicia, Juana and Ella would ride to Fanny Hospital to see Jasmine, the twins' mother, and Juana's grandmother. They were admitted in the same hospital, so It was easy. Baron had got his daughter a bicycle for this purpose. The four girls prayed together every Thursday afternoon after school. They prayed for Ella's family,Jasmine, Juana's family and their own health. They met every Thursday afternoon at Ivy's. Most times they prayed with tears in their eyes. Juana checked her diary every day, and updated it with the latest experience. One evening after one of their numerous visits to Fanny Hospital, the four girls lay curled up in Juana's bed. Juana herself was sitting on her chair  and scribbling something in her diary. Ivy and Alicia and Juana's bicycles were parked somewhere in the garage outside. Only Ella didn't own one. "My grandmother says she cannot afford it. I even feel bad for demanding a bicycle after all she has been doing for my brother and I" she had said. So the three other girls met to agree to contributing money to buy Ella a bicycle. It was a secret kept from her. The girls were tired; they had been sporting all morning. They were too tired to even speak to one another so they just sat in silence, until Ivy broke the silence. "Hey girls"

They mumbled. Ella was dozing already. Alicia was half awake. Juana was writing.

"What's up" Juana and Alicia prompted her to speak

"No girls forget it"

"Why?"

"It's nothing. Oh I'm so tired" she stretched her limbs and yawned. She had changed her mind about telling them.

"We all are" Ella turned on the edge of the bed. The girls were succeeding in waking her.

"Hey Juana, what are you writing?" Alicia jerked awake.

"A letter to God"

"Please help me ask him why I have so much freckles. Include it in the letter" she said with a serious look

Juana laughed "You can always ask him yourself" 

"I know, but I guess he listens and speaks to you more" she insisted

"How can you even say that?" Juana was surprised to hear that from her friends.

"I think so too. You know you're a special breed. To everyone" Ivy said looking as serious as ever

 "Not to everyone. Not to Lilian and Eric and Adam and Ruby...the list goes on" Juana shrugged

"But you're special in God's eyes" said Alicia

"And among we, your friends too" Ivy added.

"You're special too, girls. Stop making me feel too special" Juana blushed. The twins laughed. Ella turned again on the bed and Alicia smacked her hard on her bum.

"Wakey wakeyyyy"

"Ouch that was hard" Juana laughed. Ella rubbed her eyes and opened them slowly. 

"What's happening here?" She asked absent mindedly. She sounded sleepy.

"Pigs are flying and the baby boy is singing his mom a lullaby" Alicia, the funny one said quickly. Everyone laughed. Ella managed a sleepy smile.

"Where did you even hear that?" Juana asked

"In my head" she shrugged. They laughed again.

"Girls, i'm hungry" Ella whispered as if it was wrong to hear that someone was hungry

"There she goes" Alicia opened her backpack and fished out a large round pack of buttery cookies and dumped it on Ella's thighs.

"Mehhh that's not food" she whined. "Let's go to Domino's" she begged with her eyes.

"Why should we go to Domino's when we can cook right here in Juana's house?" Ivy said and Ella began to stand.

"Where are you going to?" Alicia asked

"To see if I can find something to cook. I want a plate of fat turkey and some juice not some silly wafer cookies" she shrugged. 

"Next time when you tell me you're hungry, I'll tell you to go lick Juana's ass" Alicia said sounding offended but she laughed after. Ella was out before she laughed too.

"Now girls time to get to some serious work. Keep your voices down and let this pen flow on my paper" Juana begged.

"Don't forget to ask God about my freckles" Alicia pleaded seriously

"What about you Ivy? Don't you want to tell God anything?" She faced an Ivy who suddenly looked worried.

"I just want to know if I'm pregnant or not" 

"What?" 

Juana's mouth hung open as she turned her chair to face the girls.

"What did you say just now?" Alicia asked. The atmosphere felt serious.

"You were kidding right?" Juana added but Ivy shook her head. "No"

"I don't understand" Juana said

"Girls, I'm cursed" Ivy said stretching her ankles

"God forbid. Why?" Alicia and Juana said in unison

"I like Eric"

"We all know that" they both replied

"That's why I did it" she was starting to sob.

"Did what?" Juana was more shocked than anybody else but Alicia's was closer.

"Eric knows that I like him, and I think he likes me too, but now that I think of it, maybe I was deceiving myself or he was deceiving me"

"Tell us what happened"

Just then, Ella came in with a plate of roasted turkey and four cups of juice in a tray. She was laughing and dancing but she saw the mood in the air, she dropped the tray on the floor and listened to Ivy speak.

"He took me on a date"

"Wow he did???"

"I'm sorry girls. I kept it a secret because I wasn't sure of everything yet. It was a quiet date. We just ate and talked, nothing special"

"Okay. So..."

"So after the date, he asked me to follow him to the boys' hostel. Said he wanted to show me a painting of me that he made. I was too happy and cheerful to resist. So I followed him"

"But there was no painting anywhere. He actually said it might have been stolen. I don't know but I kind of believed him. Then things started to get real heated between us and I gave in" she was sobbing now

"Are you saying Eric slept with you?" Ella asked loudly

"Shoosh! Don't wake dad with that nonsense" Juana commanded. She was angry about what she just heard.

"He did. And I haven't seen my period this month" Ivy said crying.

"Woah" Alicia exhaled.

"Ivy, look into my eyes. He raped you right? I'm sure he did" Juana was furious.

"No. It was a consensus" she said crying

"Shut up!" Juana was shocked to hear herself say "You are covering up for him because you like him! I know!" 

"I agree" Ella said

"No girls I..."

"It's true. He raped you but you don't want him to be punished"

"I'm really scared, girls. I don't know what came over me. I'm cursed" she said. Everyone embraced her and rocked her from side to side

"We have to tell an older person" Alicia suggested

"Maybe Aunt Ann?" 

"Noooooo I want y'all to keep this a secret until I think of something tomorrow" Juana begged. Everyone shushed. Only Ivy's sobs altered the silence.

***†***†*†****†*******†*†††**********

That night, after the girls had had dinner and left, Juana prayed. For Dawn, her mother first, then her grandmother, Baron, and then Ivy. Then she began to write another letter to God. The one she wrote in the evening when the girls were around was about Colin. She didn't write anything about her mom, or dad, or granny or school or anything. Just Colin. Here's a draft of the letter she wrote to God about Colin, her father's driver and ranch hand. 

Dear God,

Tonight I'll be brief because I'm just talking about one thing-or person and that is Colin.

I don't know if it is bad to like someone so bad that I think of him every night. I know Ivy likes Eric, but Alicia and Ella likes no one yet, so I just think Ivy and I are the ones doing it wrong. I was scared of Colin in the beginning because I thought he might be weird or worse, dangerous because of his hair. But I love his hair now, his voice, his smile, teeth and the way he embraces me after school. I like to talk to him and ride home with him every day. It's fun. I don't know about this but I'm sure not gonna tell anyone yet, except you. Of course if mom was here, I'd tell her. Mom will understand and not shout at me even when she was tired or sick. Sorry I said I was going to talk about just Colin. 

Okay God just one more thing? Can you let Colin know that I don't exactly like the way he looks at me? Tell him to stop it already because when he does, I feel butterflies in my stomach and I immediately feel like falling. It makes my head ache and my heart flutter. Okay God that's all for now about the guy called Colin

P.S-If you won't tell him to stop looking at me that way, I might just totally avoid his gaze when next he comes to drive me home and the next day after it, and the next.

Thanks Lord for listening"