CHAPTER THREE

The foundation of a house does not rest on the ground but upon the shoulders of a woman.’ He paused as he searched their eyes, he knew he had their attention, he could see it in their eyes, beside his soft yet penetrating voice, his impeccable accent always worked magic for him. ' Do you know who said that? He ask. Anyone? No? Very well, my father didn’t say it, I know he didn’t, if he had, I would have known.’ He chuckled as his audience smiled. ' Yes, my father didn’t, he was a brilliant man but like most men his age, women were ehm, ehm,' as he searched for the right word to use, a lady shouted ' weaker vessels' from the audience. ' Yeahhh,' he said, ' thanks, you know having to speak to women about being strong and getting men and the society to respect them, I’d have to be very careful with the words I use before you throw me out.’ His audience smiled and he smiled too. ' However, that does not in any way mean I won’t call a spade a spade here. Back to the earlier statement, your father’s didn’t either, yes, our fathers didn’t. This beautiful saying is a word of wisdom from the Mexicans.’ With his left hand in his side pocket, he used his right hand for emphasis as he repeated the Mexican proverb. ' The foundation of a house rests on the shoulders of a woman. It takes only a strong and wise woman to know the foundation of her house rests on her shoulder. While the forefathers of our friends in far away Mexico were cooking words which would show the importance of a woman in the home, ours in Africa were coming up with words that would further suppress the woman folk. you know, like how it is a taboo if a woman eats the gizzard of a chicken, how children should not be given eggs, let everything just be for the men, brilliant men.’ His audience laughed, he waited for the side talks to end before he continued. ' You see while I’m here to talk about women and the various roles they play and can play in the society, I must remind you I do not believe in some brands of feminism bullshit, no no no, don’t get me wrong, don’t get me wrong, just hear me out first.’

The side talks and slight murmurings had died down and a lady, ostensibly a member of the organising committee whispered something into his ear. ' Oops' he said as he used his left hand to tap his lips repeatedly, ' language, forgive me, sometimes I get carried away. But it still stands, I don’t really buy into this feminism talks and stuff, I respect women, I respect my wife, I respect my mother but a woman has to earn her respect in the society, it needs to be deserving, not coming on a  platter of gold, it requires hard work and dedication.

Now let me talk as a business man, I believe a woman, infact not just a woman, a man inclusive should be addressed and regarded base on what he or she brings to the table, I don’t believe a woman should get something simply because she is a woman and a group of people out there are fighting for her to get it, I believe she should get it because she deserves to get it. I run a business and I need competent hands, should I just hire a woman to make other women happy when there is a man more qualified for the job?  Should I just hire a woman because a group of people sitting somewhere say so? Should I just hire a woman because a group of people feel there should be equality? Shouldn’t it be dependent on merit? Wouldn’t I be just ruining my business if I decide to start hiring incompetent ladies because some, some, some personality sitting at the high table say so? He gauged his audience, he knew they were not convinced, he knew he had to win them over to his side of the fence, after all this was a seminar organised for women, to make them less dependent on men, to make them self employed. ' Getting others to fight for you shouldn’t be the top priority, standing up and fighting for yourself as a woman should be the priority. You all have it in you, ask the working class women here, ask them, the doctors, the lawyers, the business women and what have you, ask them, do they ask their husbands to respect them?' There was a shout of ' nooooo’ from some certain members of the audience. ‘ You see, this is because these women worked for it, this is because these women bring something to the table, this is because these women, these women have made themselves an invaluable member of the family. Infact, ask the doctors here, ask the women police here, the civil servants and what have you, don’t men answer ' yes ma’am to you in your offices?’ There was another shout of ‘ they do’ from some members of the audience again, he knew he had turned it round, he had gotten some of them on his side. ' The moment a man sees you as a total liability, with nothing to bring to the table, no financial or intellectual contributions then you will expect some disconnect which might cost your relationship. Therefore you’ve got to be productive, you've got to be a woman of substance that will make you the foundation upon which your house rests, only then, only then will men begin to value you and respect you.’ 

Dennis was in the audience that day, he had left before the seminar ended but one thing the speaker said which really got Dennis’s attention was the painful and disturbing part of the the gender abuse and violence which women are subjected to, and very common in Africa. ’ The women had nodded and applauded the speaker, Dennis didn’t applaud, he however saw reason in it. ' Why would a man beat a woman, someone you profess to love, why not just walk away instead of stopping down low into violence against a woman?' he had thought as the man spoke.