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Marylin
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2020-08-22 01:09:03I couldn't grasp the fact that he left me. He brutally crushed my heart without even blinking. I just sat there, my mind reeling again and again over the fact that he broke up with me. I looked around when I heard murmurs. Every person in the restaurant was looking at me with pity.
The women who were was looking at me in envy before are now looking at me with pity. The men and the waiters are looking at me with sympathy. I would have been felt humiliated if my mind was working properly.
I took my clutch and left the restaurant in a hurry. He can't just leave me like that. I won't let him.
I started my car and drove at full speed towards his house, not caring that I'm breaking traffic rules. Once I reached outside his home I was quick to get out and entering his house, leaving my car without locking. I could care less if someone stole my car, I have to talk to him.
I entered the house but it was dark. I turned the light on and was shocked to see what was before me. All the furniture was cover with neat white clothes. I don't need to go into his room to find out he really left me.
That was my breaking point. At that moment my mind finally accepted the fact that he isn't in my life anymore. I broke down crying.
"Why", I cried out but he wasn't there to answer. I want to ask why he made me trust him. Why did he promise something when he can't keep it?
He promised me that he will be there to catch me if I fall. He promised he will always be there for me. He promised to cherish me. He promised to make me happy but he broke every damn promise without any remorse.
He made me surrender myself to him only to break me so cruelly. He didn't even let me see his emotion. He just told me what he wanted to say and left all my questions unanswered.
I fall to my knees... Begging for him to come back. I was still praying that this was all nightmare and I will wake in his arms in the morning.
I didn't pinch myself to find out if it is true or a dream, afraid to accept reality. But in the back in my mind, I know it's all real. It is too surreal to be a dream.
I let myself mourn... I didn't stop the tears streaming down my cheeks... I didn't keep it in. I let it out, not all but to some measures.
I sat in his living room... Crying my eyes out till no tears left inside me to shed. Sunlight flickered through the window but it's last of my worries.
I'm still thinking where it went wrong but found out nothing. It was so perfect but now it has turned so drastically. He left me alone, leaving me behind with broken pieces that I know will never be mend again.
Fresh tears started seeping down my face and again I cried my gut out. I don't know how to recover or react but my mind knows. My whole body numbed. My mind is confused and doesn't know what to do so it does what it seemed appropriate.
Numbness is good. I'm not feeling anything except numbness. Sometime during the evening, my phone started ringing.
I thought it was his but was disappointed when it was from the bank.
I got up and went home. I want him here with me but I know it's not possible. I made my way to the bathroom. I got ready for the hospital. Hope was flickering my whole body but it crushed to when I didn't find him in the hospital.
There was a new Professor teaching us and according to rumours, Alessandro has resigned and his spot has been given to the new professor.
Dejected and highly depressed I went back home. Again I missed his presence and it is like a stab piercing through my heart, reminding me he is not here.
I will not be able to see him again in my lifetime probably and it makes me sadder.
I'm falling into a dept of darkness but I could care less. Maybe in the darkness, I will feel better. I know I will.
I turned off all the lights of my house, making it pitch black just like I'm feeling inside. Taking his shirt out from my closet I brought it close to my nose.
His smell is still fresh and tears started to flow again. I wore his shirt... Cocooning myself in his scent... Taking fake comfort from his scent.
I laid on my bed in darkness... Basking in his scent but sleep won't come to me, no matter how much I try.
The next morning was the same for me. My mind refuses to work and just like yesterday, I spent my whole day numbly. I was breathing but I wasn't living.
I felt myself dying a little more with each passing day and I'm afraid that I won't be able to live happily again. He left nothing inside me. He left me hollow inside.
Five days. It's been five days and I force myself to live without him but it was impossible. He was like fresh air to me. I can't live without breathing him.
Fifteenth day. I was like a walking corpse, barely existing. I tried to live but I keep failing. I'm falling into depression and I'm too weak to fight it so I do what I can... I embraced it with open arms. I let myself fall into darkness.
Maybe, just maybe I'll find light in the end but I know it's only my wishful thinking.
***
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