All My Fault

Sydney's POV

I woke up. I was there again. How? I tried to open the door but couldn't. It was locked. Just like that day. The door was locked. I couldn't open it. That day he challenged me to open the door but I couldn't. The only difference was that he was not here. It was only me in that jeep. I cried for help. Papa! Adi! I couldn't breathe. It was so difficult to breathe in this thick air. But I still tried to suck on the air. I looked back at the back seat to find it completely covered with blood. There was no one. From where this blood came. I look forward and the front mirror showed my face filled with blood. I couldn't feel pain but there was a lot of blood on my face. I tried to wipe the blood with my hands. This is when I noticed that I was bleeding. My nose was bleeding and my forehead too. It's your blood on the backseat. Some inner voice told me. I looked back again but this time to find him. A gasp escaped my mouth. "There you are." He said and was about to grab my arm when I flinched back and fell.

My eyes shot open. Getting up from the bed I was hugging my arm that he was about to catch. I didn't know where I was for a second.

But in other, I knew it was a nightmare like every other night. I could hear the blood pumping in my ears. My heart was beating so fast that I feel like the whole room could hear the echo. Grabbing my head into my hands I tried to calm myself. Like I tried to do a thousand times a day. I know I can't sleep anymore. I can't risk going back there again.

Whom are you kidding Sydney? You will be with him in a matter of days. My conscience

screamed. I felt the bile rising in my guts. So, I run to the bathroom to empty myself. I was feeling so tired when I tried to clean myself up. Looking at the mirror I found a weak figure staring back.

I have become leaner. I don't know why I can't put on weight. Maybe I throw up a lot nowadays. Not my fault his thought always made me nauseous.

It was still 20 minutes until my alarm was due. To get some fresh air I get to the window and open it. My room was dark but my eyes were adjusted to the darkness. I looked at Abigail. The room was filled with Abigail's snores. A woman who shares her room with me.

She lies every time. She is no one to me. I still remember when I first came here. She was the only one who welcomed me. I trusted her and loved her. But the day she didn't come to save me. I knew that I was no one to her. It happens all the time. But the one who hurt me the most was Adi.

She was my sister. She was supposed to protect me after Dad. It was her who promised me that I will provide for you just like your father used to provide for me. Her words still echo in my mind. Even thinking about her makes me break into sobs. And today was no exception. But I tried to put my hand on my mouth to muffle the sound of my sobs so Abigail doesn't wake up. She has a long day ahead. With my teary eyes I looked at Abigail to see her peaceful wrinkled face, she looks older than her age.

Abigail is no one for me. Not related by blood. She was not supposed to save me. So, she didn't.

Yeah, she used to give me fake hopes and false statements. But now she doesn't. Not after the day, I was betrothed to that evil man.

What he will do to me? Shall he hurt me Like before? Shall he hurt me every day? I looked out of the window to see how high it is? I should end my life. Why don't I end my life? Because you are a coward. You give in to pain every time. My inner self shouted at me. And that's it. All the time I give in to pain started coming in front of me. The day I was locked in the jeep. How I plead him because it pained a lot. How I give in to the pain when he got me in my room. The time I couldn't speak for my father because I was afraid and give in to the pain.

Yes

It's all my fault. Every time it's my fault. Isabella told me that it's my fault. She is right. It's my fault that my mother died giving birth to me. It's my fault that I am an orphan. It's my fault that I seduced him. It's my fault that I told Adi. It's my fault that Jennifer hates me now. It's my fault that he wants to marry me. I deserve all the beating. I deserve when girls make fun of me because all I do is making mistakes. I am slow, lazy and good for nothing.

I looked at the clock, it was still 10 minutes until the alarm clock went off. I moved across the room and turn off the alarm. A sigh escaped my mouth. I felt beyond tired. I need to sleep a little more but I can't risk having those nightmares.

Walking to the window again I let my hairs untied. Moving my fingers across my hairs I was trying to tie the bun. Sitting on the window, I retrieve a flower pin out of my pocket. The moment I tried to open it with my mouth it slipped out of the window. I look out of the window to look if I could see where the pin went. But no I can't. As there was no light outside. It was pin-drop silence given it was 4:15 am.

I was so busy looking out of the window that a sudden sound of a horn made me startle and I bumped my head in the windowsill.

"Ah" I winced in pain.

Who could this be? I thought to myself.

But then it dawned on me. Blake's were expecting guests. A long list of chores was hanging in front of me. I get down and get into my shoes in a hurry. Still trying carefully not to wake Abigail up. I bind my hair with some other pin. I wear my apron and wrapped my hair in a headcloth. It's a must otherwise my thick hairs got lice because of dust. I was getting out of the room in a hurry. But aren't those guests were supposed to be here at 8 am. A thought crosses my mind followed by panic. Then who it could be? An unknown fear crept inside me.

I run to the window to nullify my fears. A car was parked out in the front. Two guys were standing. I couldn't see their face as it was dark there. What I could see was Peter talking to them. And then Peter ran into the mansion. The first guy walked into the light. Showing his dirty blond hair. A sigh of relief let out of my mouth without my knowledge. But then there was someone else with him. He was still standing in the dark. I wanted to see him. So, I could relax that it was not him. But I couldn't see his face. Without me knowing I was getting out of the window more. He was still standing in the dark. But then I made his silhouette. Is he looking at me? No, he can't as I am standing in the dark. But there was this creepy feeling that he was looking right through me. He can't really see me. And to my relief, that guy in the dark was not him. His silhouette was not like that ugly guy. I sighed in relief, got out of the room and started my day by cleaning the kitchen. After 15 minutes in the kitchen, I heard some people talking.

I suppose that these are the guests who are being welcomed by the Huntsville as a whole.

Today a grand lunch party is being arranged in Blake's mansion. Almost the whole county is invited. We have arrangements for almost 800 people. A Catering company will come at around 11 am to arrange all the stuff. And guests will be coming at 1 pm. For me, it's a curse disguised in blessing. The day will be so packed that I won't even realize passing the day. I will be tired enough to go to bed and sleep. But dealing with the whole crowd and whispering makes me frightened. You deserve all of this Sydney. Because it's your fault. An inner voice echoed.

By the time I finished cleaning the kitchen it was 5 am. I get into the living room and the whole house was eerily silent. Even in this silence, I know that Peter and Ben are awake by this time. They must be busy with the animals at the farm. I was about to go into the living room to start cleaning when I recalled that I got to pick vegetables from the kitchen garden in the backyard. Even this backyard is so big spreading over more than 1 acre of land. One can find any season vegetable here. Getting the basket and my mini plastic spade from the kitchen I head to the garden. Not wasting a single second I started digging and picking vegetables.

The weather was good. The cold morning breeze was blowing my face. It felt good and the fragrance here is something I always like. You are not supposed to like anything or anyone. Isabella's voice echoed in my brain. And this thing was enough to make me numb. Shutting out any feeling and become an emotionless being. 

I wanted some potatoes, chilies and some fresh coriander. After finishing my work I picked my basket and the moment I turned back I got startled and fell.

Some guy with a camera in his hand was taking shots. And not even this. He also gestured me to stay still. I looked at him for a second. He had this dirty blond hair just like the guy I saw in the morning under the light. But unlike him, he had the beard. His hairs were long. As he had to have them tied behind his back.

He was not standing so close. In fact, he was quite far like 50 feet away but still, somehow I felt intimidated. He was that guy. The guy in the dark. I ignored his gesture to stay still and walked towards the house after picking up my basket. Living in this house if I was good at something then it was only this one thing and that was ignoring.

Ignoring people's stare, their voices their gestures, their signals, their behaviors, and their beatings?

Thinking all of this I entered into the kitchen to find Abigail. It was around 5:30 am.

"Morning, Sydney," Abigail told me.

I replied to her with a small nod. And turned to put the vegetables on their respective racks. Grabbing the mop and basket filled with water and some soda I turn to the living room to do the cleaning. It was almost 6:25 am when I was finished cleaning the whole ground floor.

No one was going to get up before 9 or 10 am if it was some other day. But as today was special, I and Abigail both are expecting the household to be awake at 7 am. So, they might need their breakfast at around 8 am. I was behind my schedule at this rate. It was impossible to clean the whole mansion at this rate. But I gotta do the hallways at least. Without wasting a single minute I tried to clean all the hallways that are connected to the family's bedroom. And by 7 am I was done. I felt so tired that I feel like I couldn't lift a finger now. I took some time to get to the kitchen. I was feeling dizzy. So, I sat on a stool and had some water. Only if I was able to get some more sleep.

"I might be leaving at 3 in the afternoon. I suppose all the guests will be gone by that time." Abigail informed me. While I was sitting on some stool to catch some breath.

She and Peter have been planning to leave for their house in Georgia for two months now. When we first came to know that some important guests are coming on the very same day their holidays were put into the delay. But then they requested Isabella for days and she finally agreed on one condition that they can only leave if I and Ben will take responsibility for everything.

Abigail was visibly happy today. She is going to her house the first time in two years now. She only has a grandson there, who is always busy in his studies and she talks about him a lot.

"Hmm," I replied while getting up to make some soup ready. Today's breakfast request is quite long. Almost never-ending. Because their guests were supposed to be coming at around 9 am. So, we were advised to make breakfast ready until 9:30 am. But as we all know that they are already here we know that they can ask for breakfast at any time.

We worked non stop to make that breakfast until 8 am. Well, this is our rough guess that breakfast will be required by this time. Doing a whole lot of work in this short span of time had its toll. My blue apron had some spilled flour, and batter somewhere. I knew if I appeared like this in front of Isabella she will be in a bad mood. I made a reminder in my head to change the apron. She always wanted us to look clean when we serve breakfast. But time was slipping away quite fast. So, instead of changing the apron I simply brushed away the flour and clean the batter using a little water. I have done it a lot of times and was never caught. It's just that I smell like batter. I was busy with the spatula when I sensed her presence.

The moment I feel her presence in the kitchen I found my breath still. I looked at the floor when she entered the kitchen. I was stiff and all so alert. Trying to be ready for any hit on my body or soul. I can't let my guard down like ever.

"Is breakfast ready?" She asked in her authoritative voice.

"Yes," Abigail replied. Though it's hard to meet her standards but still whenever Abigail took responsibility or assure her of things she always relies on her.

Though my eyes were on the floor I know that her neck is standing like it has some rod in there. And she is looking at things to find anything she can object to.

"Why these dustbins have not been changed yet. I want them changed now." She simply said while getting out. Today she didn't yell. She sounds like she is in a good mood today.

"We will change them right away Mrs. Blake," Abigail replied to her back that was leaving the kitchen.

*********************

Is the first guy Noah?

Or

The guy in the dark?

What do you think is gonna happen at the lunch party?

Please vote more and comment more and follow my account. Lots of love to my lovely readers.