Final Decision

"Happy birthday, Eleftherion!" Regina shouted as she clapped a jolly tune. I haven't seen her in so long, but it seems like five months didn't age her at all.

I smiled at her. "Thank you, Regina."

"I've brought a lot of food, so eat a lot," she said, grabbing me by the shoulders and guiding me towards the table. Looking around, the waiting room that was once familiar to me seemed now a foreign place.

Regina brought the big basket in her hands onto the table. Soon, Farseer and Janmira had arrived, and helped out with arranging the dishes as well. Standing side by side with Janmira, I realized I had grown the last few inches to come head to head with her. This surprised me so much that I muttered aloud, "We're the same height now."

She looked up at me as she placed a bowl of red pasta onto the table. "... And you'll soon outgrow me too."

"Well, I-" I started, and then frowned. "We don't know that. You'll grow too."

She looked away and busied herself with arranging the plates. The whole scene seemed foreign to me: with Farseer and Regina actually doing the plating and Janmira setting the table. I asked, "So, your little magic with the food can't work here in the Order, Regina?"

She looked up at me and grinned. "It's not like I can't do it. It's more like a matter of showing respect to your hosts, you know? If I keep teleporting food in here from who knows where, what is to say that I won't be bringing in weapons, dangerous beasts, or even other invaders?"

"... I understand," I mumbled. "I suppose there is much to consider when visiting a different area."

"Much like royal diplomacy, dear," she told me. "Well, enough of that boring talk. Let's eat!"

Bringing my spoon into my mouth, I realized I hadn't gotten a taste of Regina's meals in more than half a year's time. I heard Janmira praise, "Your meals are getting more delicious by the day, Miss Regina."

"Your meat pie has certainly evolved throughout the years," Farseer mumbled with a mysterious smile, to which Regina replied with a smack onto his head, shouting, "Now, don't bring up the past! I could hardly hold up a ladle back then."

"All you ever did hold up was either your wand or your poisoned dagger." Farseer chuckled.

The room filled with gentle laughter and I haven't felt this feeling of peace in the longest of times.

But all throughout the meal, I had to constantly force myself to laugh or smile. I had to bring up a heavy hand just so I could keep eating.

Regina's meals have never tasted as dry and tasteless as they did now, just as I turned seven.

~~

An empty cage sat inside my bedroom. The walls were thin, so I knew I could never shout out or cry out loud. Nothing could ever be a better show of weakness than tears.

I remembered Eva's words to me that time.

I was holding the body, not even scorched up or dismembered, but simply void of life. She had told me, 'Remember how you feel right now. For when you take another man's life, recall this despair."

'Why?' I had cried.

'Because murder will never be right,' she had replied, and I could still hear the pure sadness in her voice.

'But why him?' I screamed, tears still running down my face. 'Why did I have to kill him? Why did I have to tame him... feed him... love him, and only-"

'Remember this pain, princess,' she told me gently. 'For nothing hurts more than a mother's pain, or a friend's agony. Remember that when you take a life, you cause this chaos.'

So, now, as I sit on my bed, all I ever do is remember.

But I know simply remembering will never do me any good.

~~

"I'm a full-fledged assassin now," Zepherin announced.

"I'm glad your innards didn't explode," I congratulated her.

"W-What's that supposed to mean?" she shouted at me. "Are you still angry that you're still stuck as a trainee for a year now? I'll have you know that most have to train for years until they get inaugurated. I'm a special case, you know. A special case!"

I laughed a bit. "I've only been a trainee for eight months, not a year."

"Still the same!" she countered.

"I suppose." I swung my legs around in bare air. I had once thought it stupid of Zepherin to always be sitting on the high window sills around the Order, but now I've come to love the heights. "But I think I might just get inaugurated soon."

"You also told me that months ago," she complained, although there was excitement in her voice. "B-But if by some chance you do get inaugurated, it won't be too bad! I-I've got this mission in the Empire, and it's gonna be a long one. I just... I want you there with me."

"... Are you implying that you want me to be your apprentice, esteemed assassin?" I teased her.

"You know I'm serious," she replied, all of her childish facade gone.

"... I see." I nodded into the stale air, and then, I whispered, "You know, I've come to realize the heaviness of death."

There was silence at first, but I knew it was impossible that she hadn't heard me. I turned to look at her face and saw it contorted in a pitying expression. "... He was magnificent."

I let out a single, tired laugh. "I'll never get why all of you would call him that."

Long after that, as I was alone yet again in my room, I wondered if it would be possible to go jumping around floating islands once more. And in my mind, I could almost see him flapping around me, gathering the winds with his brilliant feathers, and quacking endlessly into the air.

~~

"Have you decided?" Eleina asked.

I looked at her just as I finished my last kick at the boyman. It exploded neatly into dust. She had held up her hair into a long, brown ponytail. She was wearing the Order's formal robes, much like the ones I had seen the assassins wear during the inauguration ceremony months ago.

I dusted my hands together, and straightened my back. "Zepherin's leaving now?"

"The school will be starting in two weeks. We'll be cutting it close if she doesn't leave now."

"... Then, kindly relay to her my farewells," I said before starting to walk away.

She called out to me. "Princess."

"Don't call me that now," I told her. "Anyone can go barging in right now, and I know fully well how thin these walls are."

"And I know you would trust my abilities of detection as a Council of Six," she reprimanded me.

I flinched at her cold stare and bowed an apology. "That was impudent of me."

"That you are," she said, though I could already sense the coldness seep away from her voice. "So, listen well to me now. Assassin Zepherin does greatly wish to have you accompany her. You are of the same age, after all, and two spies are better than one."

"I'm not worthy to accompany an assassin during her mission," I said monotonously. "I'm simply a trainee."

"You know you were already worthy to be apprenticed months ago," Eleina said.

"And who told you that?" I asked, not even trying to believe her words.

"Eva," she said plainly. "You were ready for so long now. Only your resolve wasn't set."

"Resolve that you wanted to be formed by having me kill my own bird." I glared at her.

The brown-haired woman sighed. "It's... something all of us must go through. I could still remember putting down my own."

Looking back, I should have known. All the trainees had companion animals with them most of the time, while the assassins and their apprentices were empty-handed. How could I have been so clueless? Did I not have any doubts?

No, I suppose I had doubted everything from the start. I had never even wanted to tame the blasted bird in the first place...

"What was your companion animal?" I asked the older assassin, plopping down onto the ground. 

"... A rabbit." She looked down onto the ground beside me, as though she could still see her companion hopping around the floors and jumping around my legs. "I named her Bunny. Heh... I was so simple-minded."

"Well, I named my own bird, Birdy," I told her blankly. "I think you're better off at naming than me."

Then, I saw her look off into the distance. She murmured, "You know, I still think of her even now. The last time I had shed human blood was a year ago, just before you had first visited the Order. The man was a tyrant. He had committed more crimes in his household than the number of crimes recorded in a whole town. But... he had a daughter, and she was a wee little thing. You reminded me of her, and with the pain I could still remember from taking my own little friend's life away... I didn't need to think much about how painful it could've been for the child to lose her parent at that age.

"But, you know what, Elle? I went back there a few weeks ago. Just to check on how things were with the new governance, and... She was happy." Eleina smiled wistfully. "Turns out she was abused by her father, after all. And she claimed she was the happiest to have her father dead. Sh-She thanked me so much even after I had told her about my deed."

I didn't know what to say, so I simply stayed quiet. I thought, 'Would I have felt happy for the deaths of my enemies? If an assassin had killed my father and my careless mother, would I have thanked him? If the Order had ransacked that sacrilegious Temple, would I have been filled with joy from the sweet taste of revenge?'

'I don't know.'

"I don't know," Eleina said. I quickly returned to reality to find her sad expression. "Sometimes, the job is fulfilling. And sometimes, it just leaves you empty. But, who better than us could ever do the job? Us, who have felt and could understand the pain and anguish of loss?"

I simply stared back at her, but I knew, deep inside of me, I had already made my decision.