The First Turning Point

"Stand straight, don't slouch, and smile generously."

I remember hearing those lines from my favorite tutor, Miss Quisling. I learned from her how to act like a lady and how to impress the nobility. She taught me how to not be seen.

I loved Miss Quisling.

So, why is this happening now? Why is my world turning upside down?

I shouldn't have been complacent. I shouldn't have gone and wished for too much. I shouldn't have sought for happiness.

~~

My pudgy hands were incredibly slow and clumsy, but I executed with great focus the final pull, and...

"YES!" I screamed much like a commoner child. "I finally finished it!"

I held the piece of square, satin cloth in front of me, curating my work with meticulous care.

Needlework. One of the essential skills a lady must learn. Ever since I started taking writing lessons from Miss Quisling, I have done my best to prepare a welcoming gift. Finally, after a month, I had managed to sew her initials on the side of a handkerchief.

'Will she like it?' I wondered with furrowed brows, although I didn't really see anything wrong with my work.

After all, it still worried me how we still didn't have the same closeness that we had before. She always seemed to be so closed off whenever I asked her about her life. I mean, I do understand that I'm incredibly hastening things, but I suppose I'm quite stubborn and impatient that way. Anyway, what can I possibly lose by trying hard to get closer to her? The sooner the better, right?

On that note, I hastily kept my stitches and needles and wrapped up my present. I got up from my seat inside my vanity room, and skipped out of my bedroom with excitement.

Bumping into a few maids on the way, I didn't slow down as I bounced down the stairs.

I had finished the needlework just in time. It will only be a few more minutes until my tutor would arrive, and I could finally give her my present.

I had just stepped onto the first floor of the castle when I saw my tutor's familiar carriage going down the palace's circular driveway. With a bout of playfulness brought by my joy, I decided to hurriedly jump out of the windows and hide behind a bush. I watched as the fair horses tottered closer.

'I've surprised her multiple times like this in my past life,' I thought as a grin formed on my lips. 'Will she be terribly shocked if I suddenly show up like this?'

I waited for her to exit her carriage and to pass by my hiding spot. I wondered if she would be too frightened. She was incredibly quite skittish in my past life. But, I would be giving her a present anyway, so she'll probably forgive me easily...

My smile grew wider as I started hearing the familiar clicking of her heels on the stone pavement. Unexpectedly, I found she wasn't alone.

"Five, go back to the carriage," I heard my tutor's angry voice. "We'll talk about this later! Just trust me that it's going according to plan."

I froze, wondering what could make Miss Quisling, such a kind lady, suddenly so angry. I carefully peeked just a bit from behind my bush to see who she was talking with. However, I only saw a robed figure, halfway down the carriage steps.

The covered person drew nearer to my tutor and grabbed at her hands. 'How improper!' I thought with anger, ready to jump out to defend her if needed.

"Don't think so highly of yourself," the figure said in a deep, male voice. "Our plan had to be started prematurely because that brat unexpectedly had to be a prodigy too. We have to be incredibly careful-"

Miss Quisling removed her hand from his grasp with a flick. "Don't underestimate me either, Five. Anyway, the princess is already attached to me like glue. The intel about her being moody and withdrawn was utterly false. The plan will be fine."

The man rubbed at his hand. "It better be, Quisling. Now, make sure you earn her favor. If you think she trusts you completely, then create the accident."

"I know," she said tersely. "Now, leave before the royal guards see yo-"

I almost got found out when she suddenly turned towards my hiding spot. I ducked under and held my breath. My heart beat so hard I believed they could hear it. I felt my fingers and knees clamming up from holding my position for too long.

"What is it?" the man asked.

"... Nothing. I just thought I heard something. Probably those damned rabbits again," my tutor replied. I heard her spit at the ground, something I have never seen her do before. "I absolutely hate those things."

I couldn't even move as my body simply froze up. You see, it wasn't even the mysterious conversation she had with the robed man that bothered me. It wasn't even about the important plan that supposedly involved me.

Rabbits...

Miss Quisling loved rabbits, didn't she? I gave her one as a present, with a ribbon and all, on her first year tutoring me. She said she loved it with a bright smile...

'The princess is already attaching herself to me like glue.' Her words echoed in my mind.

Was it all an act? Why would she do this? For years...

'I like all of my rabbits, but I'll give this one to you, Miss Quisling! She's named Milly!' I remember my twelve year old self saying.

'Really?' she replied, her eyes filled with adoration for the furry creature. 'I absolutely love rabbits!'

Then, I realized. Didn't we have too many similarities in which music, arts, or food we liked? Why was it so easy for me to say that she was my 'twin soul'? A month ago, wasn't Miss Quisling so awkward whenever I asked her too many questions about herself?

After all, I was always the first person to speak and to share. She would always just agree with whatever I told her...

Miss Hestia was right. I was only assigning a role to her... And she, a stranger, took advantage of me. She was never my ally. She was never my mother.

But, how? How had she betrayed me?

She was nothing but kind to me. She was always there for me. If it were all an act, then there's nothing so criminally wrong about it... She even forged my documents for my escape!

Documents?

My mind worked hard to find out what her cruel plan was, and that word clicked. I had always found it weird how she was so accepting about my cross-dressing hobby when she was always so strict whenever she found me acting unlady-like. She always stuck to the rules.

"Stand straight, don't slouch, and smile generously," she reminded me so many times I had memorized her words.

I felt a stinging pain in my heart.

I wondered...

I thought back to when I was thirteen. If I did make it to the city gates back then, and if I hadn't lost my resolve to escape after hitting that young girl... would I even have made it out?

Were the documents even forged well? The robed man mentioned how Miss Quisling had to arrange an accident. Was this the accident she arranged for me in my past life?

For what purpose? To create a scandal? To eliminate me? But I never posed any threat and I never held any power! Why would a mere princess be involved in such a long-going plan??

'So, you really don't know…' My second brother's words seemed to have been whispered into my ears. 'Sister, don't you know that father dotes on you the most?'

What?

What does that even mean?

My head ached as hurt and anger filled me. My body trembled and the notes I had gathered inside me swirled in chaos. I sobbed as the pain grew, and I succumbed into all fours, gripping the bare soil with my gloved hands.

Hurt... Everything hurts.

But, I swore to the Music that I would never be hurt again.

I bit back my sobs until I tasted blood. And I stood up, seeing an empty driveway. They were long gone. Miss Quisling was probably already waiting for me inside. Miss Hestia was busy in the kitchens.

I instinctively gathered up more notes into my body, and I felt the pain become more subdued. I looked around me and found my reflection on the glass windows. Miserable. But, I shouldn't be seen like that. I had to look strong. I had to look as though the one person I considered a friend hadn't betrayed me and lead me to my death.

I was about to dust off my skirts when I saw my utterly soiled gloves. Irritated, I peeled them off and threw them at the bushes.

I stared at my reflection, and muttered, "Stand straight, don't slouch, and smile generously."

And I did. Satisfied, I walked back inside the palace, holding a lovely parcel. I was ready to give my present to my beloved tutor.