Chapter 9 - Please, Let Me Go...

I was invited by the UWRF committee to speak because of my first novel. However, later my new novel was published and Genta Publishing wanted to use it as a promotional event too. I did not expect that there were so many participants who packed my session on the second day of the UWRF.

Anna, from the publisher, told me that the stock of books that we had brought to Bali was all sold out even before my session started. It was quite unexpected. I was a complete nobody last year when I attended this event, but now I was a bestselling author giving talks in my own session.

"I like reading your novel, because, in addition to the fresh idea, I can really get into the world that you portrayed. The characters are also very believable. Your first novel makes me interested in reading historical fiction. Dear Sophia, your second novel, is also very detailed. I read somewhere that you event went to do your research in the Netherlands and several other countries." A participant started speaking when the question and answer session began. "I want to know where did you get your inspiration?"

"You can find inspiration..." I placed my hand on my chest and smiled, "... here".

"I read that you and your brothers are named after the world's biggest composers. I find this to be very unique. Your brothers were named after Johann Sebastian Bach and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, while you were named after Ludwig van Beethoven. Can any of you play music?"

I shook my head and smiled, "Unfortunately not."

A woman then rose and raised her hand to ask a question. I could not hear what the question was because I suddenly noticed the person sitting next to her. She was a stunning woman with long wavy hair who had been staring at me incessantly from earlier.

Adeline Surya.

Adeline Surya came to my event!

Oh ... instantly cold sweat flooded my body and the world seemed to suddenly spin. And then... everything went dark.

OK. So, I actually left out the part where I was diagnosed with PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had been battling depression ever since the doctor told me I had health issues that prevented me from conceiving. On that same day, I came home to the shocking news that my dear husband had a child with his former girlfriend. It was a traumatic experience that left me depressed. 

That was why I couldn't go to London. 

I couldn't see them. 

It's not that I didn't want to. I just couldn't.

And today she actually came to see me ...

I didn't blame Adeline for coming to see for me. If I were her, I would also like to see for myself what kind of woman married the man she loved. Even though I was not active on social media, UWRF's popularity made it easy to find me. 

Maybe, when she found out that Andrea would be attending a conference in Bali, she decided that this would be the right time to return to her home country and, at the same time, meet me.

I wondered if she only intended to see me from afar or she if planned to talk to me.

Next thing I knew, I woke up in the hospital with Andrea waiting by my bedside. His expression looked drained.

"Honey... finally, you wake up."

"I don't want to see you here," I said in a weak voice. "Please leave ..."

"Adeline apologized. She didn't mean to surprise you, she just wanted to see you from afar." He sighed, "I didn't know she was going to Bali."

"Andrea Baskara ... I don't know how to make you understand," I closed my eyes, holding back my pain. Andrea looked surprised to see how I clenched my jaw. I had never called him by his full name. I looked at him with a flat expression. "I. Don't. Want. To. Be. With. You. Anymore."

"Wina..."

"I have tried to understand what happened to you in the past. I tried to accept and forgive you… My husband has a child from another woman. It was very painful for me, you know. Seeing you always makes my heart ache ... Especially today when I also saw her... It pains me to no end. I feel like a family is being separated because of me, and it makes me feel horrible. 

I feel guilty for separating you from her and your son. I feel like, I am standing between you and your happiness. Ronan also deserves to have a complete family, Andrea. He deserves to have his mother and father together. Please... I want to move on. This is too painful for me... " I looked away, "Please... please, let me go and sign that divorce papers."

"Wina..."

"Go away ... !!!" Finally, I screamed, "You made your choice to go to London to be with that woman and her child. I never want to be your second option. I don't like being the one who was hurt but instead I am feeling the guilt. I don't like being in this situation. I just want to be free again and get out of your life. Please ... please, let me go. "

Andrea looked devastated. Then, without saying a word he took the divorce papers from his bag, signed it in front of me and left it on the table.

"I was wrong about you... Apparently, people can indeed change. You change so much in the past year. Ludwina that I know of was kind and selfless ... but now you're very selfish. I initially thought you only needed time to think, so I gave you a year ... I didn't bother you. Apparently I was wrong ... You could never accept that I have a child. Why is it so hard for you to accept the fact that I made a big mistake when I was younger? 

You knew I grew up without a father. You knew, how I vowed never to let my child experience life being abandoned by his father as I did. You knew how much I just wanted to be a good father to Ronan ..." He looked very hurt when he uttered his last sentences. "Then, I'll take my stuff from our house in Singapore and you will never see me again ..."

Then he left my life.

I immediately asked to be discharged from the hospital as soon as the doctor arrived. Initially, the hospital would not allow it but I insisted. After I threatened to sue them for forcibly detaining a patient, they released me. I was asked to sign a statement that I insisted to get discharged out of my own will.

Johann and my parents were very disappointed when I explained to them what had happened. They knew that I suffered from PTSD and for the past one year, I had been conscientious not to let myself be drowned in sorrow.

They understood why I felt tired easily and always wanted to sleep. For me, every day was a struggle to live a normal life. I could not function properly. I could only write and pour heart out into my novels.

I traveled to console myself because staying for too long in one place always made me anxious. Every time I set foot in the airport, my heart felt solace. My family initially thought I would recover from my depression and return to Andrea. So, the news of our divorce made them realize that their hopes were in vain.