The Order No One Likes

How do we conquer physical pain? Angel heard the echo in her head. She lay writhing against her sheets, the pain shadowing everything around her. She pushed into herself and latched on to the parts of herself that hurt. She pulled the pain apart until only calmness remained. Hades stood beside the bed in a mixture of remorse, anger and surprise. Once again, she was showing such restraint. When she was done, Angel returned to the room, meeting his eyes, "you...hurt...me."

At her words, all traces of anger disappeared, and Hades looked wounded himself. He hated that he lost control. He knew he could hurt her but he hadn't cared. Part of him wanted to hurt her. He could see the ugly, charred skin making the shape of his handprints on her shoulders. Her face streaked with tears he couldn't stand; her eyes feared him. His ego had finally been defeated.

Hades scooped her into his arms as he sat on the bed. She resisted at first but when he brushed against her burns, she stilled and gasped. "You made me hurt you," he whispered, saying it like it was an apology.

"You...you...asshole! Get out!," Angel yelled, "Get the fuck away from me! I didn't make you do anything! I didn't DO anything wrong! To anybody! And now he's...what...I don't know...dead?" She fought the urge to punch him, knowing it would most likely only hurt her. She couldn't believe how much of a self-centered prick he was turning out to be. How could dancing with someone be equal to him murdering one of his men and burning her? She couldn't make it make sense. Hades realized he'd said the wrong thing.

"I-Angel...listen," he tried but she was already pushing away from him to bury her face in the pillow.

"Leave me alone. You're a fucking murderer. A monster!" Angel sniffled quietly, "I didn't do anything to anybody. I hate this place. I hate you."

"I'm sorry," Hades said gently and meant it, "I-I've never apologized to anyone before. I didn't mean to make you upset. I don't feel bad about killing him because he was eight hundred years old but I do feel bad about you seeing it. I shouldn't have lost control."

Angel looked at him slightly from under her curls, "You...don't feel bad about killing someone?"

"No, not really, I've killed many people. And probably for less than that. But you're right," he said, lifting the hair from her face, "You didn't do anything wrong. It was all me; I lost control and I'm terribly sorry you had to witness it. And I'm more sorry for this..." He pointed at her burns.

"You really are heartless. He was alive and now he's dead and it's partly my own fault! I feel guilty and I didn't even kill him!" Angel yelled, "But you, you're so fucking jaded in this shitty place you think you just have the right to blink people out of existence? Is that what you're going to me when I get on your nerves?" She knew she hated feeling like a victim but every day in this place had made her feel more and more victimized. She had thought, at least, that she was safe from harm. But she'd been wrong.

"I would nev-," he was about to finish but he realized he had already broken the promise before it had even been made. In more ways than she knew. Her stance bothered him. She looked at him as if he were a monster. Had he been hasty? Of course. Too violent? Some could say it. But she told him he was heartless and he'd never thought of himself that way before.

"Let me heal you?," Hades said it like it was a question. He watched Angel wince as she sat up. He could tell she was debating accepting.

"How?"

"Will you let me? Will you let me take the pain away? It's the least this monster can do right? I can't bring the hellraiser back but I can heal your arms."

"O-okay." She conceded but in her heart, she could feel a cold wall pushing between them.

Hades opened his mouth and Angel watched in shock as his canines descended into sharp fangs. Then he dragged his teeth along one wrist while the other hand caught the sparkling black liquid that spurted from the wound. The gash healed in seconds but it was open long enough for a small puddle to form in his other palm. He smeared the liquid between both hands and placed them over the wounds on Angel's shoulders. She shuddered at the feeling of heat but there was no pain.

"Is that your blood?" Angel said disgustedly. She suddenly felt like her eyes weighed too much to keep open. Her head slid from side to side as she collapsed back down into the bed. Her mind swirled and she fell into a deep sleep.

"Yes," he replied, knowing she was already unconscious. He watched her wounds heal as her chest fell into a slow rhythmic pace. He ran his finger over her bottom lip then smoothed down her hair before tucking her into bed and leaving the room. As he hit the door he heard her whisper, "I'll never forgive you."

His chest constricted. He knew she lay only a few steps away but she felt miles away. She looked almost untouchable to him. Control was the one thing he needed and it was the one thing he didn't have. He couldn't control her or how she felt. He would get to the bottom of her abduction then be done with it. He felt the barriers around his heart reforming. He had ruled for long enough to know how to be cold. He could do cold.

Angel didn't dream of anything.

_____________________________________

"You must have really pissed Hades off," Thia shouted as she barged into Angel's room, throwing clothes onto the bed. Angel snapped up with a groggy, disoriented look. Thia noted that her arms were healed completely, no burns anywhere. She sighed knowing how Hades had healed Angel. It explained his sudden outburst towards the group last night. After he killed Bolt, the other raisers felt more serious than ever. He'd done it before and he'd do it again. His temper was as notorious as he was. And unfortunately, his temper explained his new orders.

"What?" Angel croaked.

"Get up girlie, you pissed Hades off yesterday and now..." Thia paused for effect with a pained expression on her face, "We've been ordered to take you back to your loop to gather intel."

Angel didn't take any time to process what Thia said, marching to the bathroom to change and do her morning routine. She wanted answers as much as the rest of them. When she stripped, she saw herself in the mirror and gasped. No burns on her arms. No scar. No scab. Nothing. Then she remembered Hades covering her wounds in his blood. She shuddered again, remembering the warmth. She felt more drawn to him than ever and she also felt more disgusted by him.

"Let's go," Angel said from the bathroom doorway, "I don't want to make him mad again. I don't want any more heads to roll."

"Before we go," Thia said, knowing she needed to clear the air and say what she'd been ordered to say, "Did Hades heal you last night?"

"Yea, after I yelled at him and called him heartless. But I guess he gets a tiny positive for healing my arms."

"How do you feel now?" Thia asked already knowing the answer, "Do you feel strangely towards him?"

"I-I guess so. I keep thinking we have some bond. Like right now, I just keep thinking about him. I have to fight myself. I mean I should hate him for what he did, but he apologized and then did this weird thing with his blood  and I guess I'm just confused..."

"He APOLOGIZED?" Thia coughed before regaining her composure, "Angel, He's probably going to kill me but I have to be honest with you. Our blood can cause...how do I put this? Attachment. Like a drug induced infatuation? Does that make sense?"

"So what you're saying is I have the blood-induced hots for him?"

"Pretty much, but it only lasts a day or so. Just try to stay away from him until then. And then, there's the other thing I have to tell you," she gritted her teeth slightly. It was an order she told herself. You have to tell her, "He's engaged to marry Persephone. As of last night he called an emergency meeting with the other gods and solidified it. I don't know what's gotten into him lately or what's going on with you but I think you deserve to know. She's slated to be his queen. It's all but settled..."

"Why tell me? What does his engagement matter to me?" Angel felt her heart shatter but she didn't give any outward sign. She appreciated Thia for being honest with her.

"No reason, just thought you should know," She said but Angel could tell there was more. Thia hoped she wouldn't press the issue. Hades wanted her told and now it was done.

"Did he make you tell me?"

Shit Thia thought but didn't answer. Now Angel understood more than ever why he was sending her back to her loop. He meant to remind her that she meant nothing to him, just a means to an end. He wanted answers and he didn't care how he got them.

"It's fine. I always knew I was just imagining the connection. I don't hate you for telling me. I'm just a nobody," Angel quickly saved Thia from getting in trouble.

"Good...not good that you think you're a nobody because you're not, you're my friend! But good that you're taking it well," Thia retorted with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She felt horrible for being the one to break the news. But she had to do as she was told.

She motioned Angel towards the hallway. Angel could see Thia was sad about something but tried to ignore it and rushed out behind her. When they reached the others, Zero opened the giant doors again and everyone went for the black jeep parked out front. Angel climbed in with the others and Brazz pulled off.

"So, here's what we know right now," Zero broke the silence, handing her two mugshots. "The house we found you in was originally created for these two." He points to the photos again. "They were husband and wife, lemme see, yea ok Nicki and Javier Jackson. Do those names or faces mean anything to you?"

Angel tried to push the faces into her mind. She desperately wanted to know them, to remember some tangible thing. But her dark mind shifted endlessly. "No. I wish I could say yes."

"It's okay. We're planning to retrace them back on earth and see where that leads. We don't collect any data prior to death."

"What'd they do to deserve punishment?" Angel asked.

"That's where it gets murky," Thia murmured, "Their original house wasn't a torture loop. No one puts torture loops on Lethe Street. Wouldn't it defeat the purpose of a torture loop if you forgot all the pain and torment?" She looked at Angel to check if she was following.

Seemingly assured, she continued, "They were slated for a peaceful afterlife. Lethe makes sure you forget your troubles and your human life. Ignorance is pure bliss, right? Everything was fine for a little while. But a few days after they arrived, it turned into a torture loop. The system noted the switch. That's when we believe you were added. Somehow you turned their peace into punishment. And since you left, it returned to a peaceful house again. We don't know if it was your punishment or theirs. It's why we're almost positive there's a connection between you all."

Angel's face looked pained. Was she the type of person to torture people? She wondered what kind of person she'd been and if her blank memory was hiding something deserving of punishment. She felt like a good person. Hard-headed and a little quick to anger? Sure. But not cruel or mean-spirited. At least she didn't think she was. There was really no way to know until her memory restored the missing parts.

She sighed deeply. Zero shifted in his seat. He'd seen inside that house. Brazz and the others knew that. They'd heard him call it a bloodbath. And yet, they were willing to take Angel there, to potentially expose her to that. If it was up to him, she'd still be back at the palace. But Hades was pushing it, and they had a job to do.

Slowly the jeep came to a stop on a dark street. Angel peered through the window at the mundane suburban homes that stretched on into blackness. The façade of each house was identical. Brazz turned back and looked right at Angel.

"You might not like the idea," He said plainly, "you're going to go back in with a camera so we can see what happens when you're inside. It's the best lead we have right now until we can trace them further."

"You don't have to do this," Zero suggested quietly.

"It's her choice," Brazz said stiffly in the direction of Zero. He knew the girl was fragile but without her there was no way to gain any insight into the loop. The quicker the answers, the quicker the resolution and Hades had made it painfully clear to them all last night that she wouldn't stand in the way of his answers.

"I'm against it as well. But I agree it should be your choice," Thia offered, knowing the same as the others. Angel had no choice and Hades wouldn't take no for an answer.

Angel looked at their expressions, then back out onto the street. She felt afraid. A chest tightening, burning fear. She was afraid to know but she was afraid to stay blank. The decision felt increasingly unclear the longer she thought about it. More than anything, she wanted to remember herself and leave this place. And if this was the only way to do it, then the choice was already made.

"I'll go." She said, trying to sound stronger than she felt.

Brazz clipped the camera to her neck with a chain. Thia repeated that Angel shouldn't eat or drink anything about five times. Angel sighed a shaky breath. She understood that anything she ate or drank would have Lethe waters in it and she couldn't risk forgetting.

She had every reason to be terrified. But she'd already lived in the loop for a whole year, she could survive reliving it once. She didn't feel as convinced as she wanted to. But eventually all the pep talks and preparations were done, and everyone simply stared at her. She nodded and went for the door without a word. She didn't know what she would've even said. The moment felt too tense.

Angel tried the door handle slowly and found it unlocked. She took a breath and entered.