Ch. 30

She looked at me and smiled a little. I carefully opened the small package to get the condom inside. I held it out to her and she took it with thanks and now slid a little further down to get there. She put the condom on top of my tip and then took both hands to roll it down the shaft, not too fast and not too slow, but visibly with a look into my face to enjoy the reactions caused by this Drifts were triggered.

Meanwhile, my mind was playing pinball in my head. At last it was time. Finally I was allowed to experience what it means to sleep with a woman. I was finally able to feel this feeling that many have described as very intense, of being deeply and closely connected to a woman. And yet, despite everything, a completely new and strange fear crept into this tingling anticipation. Suddenly other thoughts shot through my head. What if I do something wrong? What if she doesn't like it as much as she did with her previous partners? Just because of these thoughts that put myself under pressure, my excitement subsided more and more. My reaction was not hidden from her and she looked at me a little uncertainly.

"Is everything OK?" "Actually yes, but...?" "I don't know, on the one hand I wish it happened and on the other hand I'm afraid of it" "What are you afraid of?" I started to push a little "I ..... just that for you ... maybe it is not as nice as it is for others ... or that I am doing something wrong ..." A flush of shame crossed my face again and I turned away from her a little. She had meanwhile removed her hands from my now rather limp friend and sat down on my thighs, leaned forward a little and took my head in both hands to turn it to look.

"Oh dear, what am I doing with you. I can only tell you again and again that you can't do anything wrong. I was just like you in the situation of the first time. I would love to take this fear away from you but you know I can't, I can only try to reduce it. " She looked at me more piercingly and went on, "I fell in love with you Mark and that a long time ago. But just like you, I didn't dare tell you." "But why not?"

"I was afraid." she paused for a moment. "Fear that it would ruin our relationship that we have. Unfortunately, sometimes it is the case that when you get on well as a man / woman friendship and suddenly feelings of one-sidedness arise, it changes the friendship, sometimes even influences it negatively. That was something I definitely didn't want to risk. I actually only realized yesterday when we were sitting around the campfire that you feel the same way I do and that ultimately gave me the courage to pull it off. Can you still remember what I told you said when we were lying in the water a bit away from the campfire? "

I nodded and replied, "That I can't do anything wrong and you tell me if you don't want something, but I'm still not angry" "And that's exactly what you should internalize. I want you to experience it with me, if not today another time. Without your fear of failing, without your fear that you’re doing something wrong. No one has been perfect the first time, even if some men might say so. "

I clearly noticed how I became a little calmer and more relaxed. Damn it, I thought to myself, how does she do it that she has this effect on me. "You tell me when you are ready for it and then I will make it as comfortable as possible for you, we will test everything you like together to create an environment for you in which you feel comfortable." "You are about to do this," I replied. "I was hoping it would calm you down a little if we just talk a little," she said.

Before she could say anything else, I put my hands on her thighs and slowly drove from above her knees towards her hips. I slowly approached her pelvis and now drove at about the same speed over her stomach in the direction of her breasts. She in turn began to massage my slowly rising friend a little with both hands. After a short time it stood upright again, which caused her to slide a little forward from my thighs and put it between her labia. With my hands massaging her breasts, she was already a little damp and was able to slide my love dispensers through her column in small up and down movements without much effort. Since it was swollen to full hardness again after a short time,

She was now kneeling on one foot and the other a little further down, directly over my penis, which was sticking up through her hand. Slowly she lowered her pelvis, just far enough that my tip parted her labia and rubbed it a little there to transfer the moisture that was already there to the condom. The knowledge of immersing myself in it at any moment, but not knowing when and also having no control over it, left me shivering coldly, then comfortably warm. This damn tingling uncertainty, almost torture, ran through me now like a thread that I had inside me from head to toe, by which I could have been controlled like a puppet.