26. Mila

I wreak of cig's and despair. It's hard for me to admit. Hard for me to acknowledge as I lay sprawled out on the floor of my living room, eyes glued to the television as the pictures change, and I attempt to convince myself to pay attention enough to forget the ache in my chest.

I've called off twice. I can't bear the thought of dragging myself up from the floor long enough to shower and get presentable. Damien hasn't called. Hasn't attempted to come here. Granted I have his phone, and I made myself pretty clear when I'd stormed away. Maybe he was just respecting my privacy? Bullshit.

I know it's over. The stinging finality spreads, and I curl in on myself, blinking away a pool of tears. God, I feel like I'm back to square one. And to think, I thought I was the one bringing in the baggage – Cole and his bullshit – but turns out it didn't compare to the pile of crap that accompanies Damien's life.

A knock on my door jolts me back to reality, in my living room, with the curtains drawn, and a pair of cotton shorts and a tee. I scramble off the floor, marching towards the front door with furrowed brows and a scowl. I honestly didn't want to be bothered. Glancing at the clock hanging on the wall, I inhale a deep breath, and roll my eyes. Eight O'clock at night. Didn't think anyone would bother this late.

I reach for the doorknob, pulling open the door a little when my eyes widen as I realize it's Kass. She quirks a brow as I pull the door open fully and places a hand on her hip as she scrutinizes my appearance.

"Mila, what the fuck is going on with you? You've called in sick for two days and keep blowing me off over texts." Well, she was never one to sugar coat or tiptoe around others. I groan, turning and leaving the door open for her to enter as I shuffle back into my apartment. A million words form on my tongue, yearning to be voiced, but I clamp my mouth shut.

As much as I want to confide in her, I'm not sure I want her to know about the BDSM club or any of the other things I've been letting Damien do to me. I gesture with a head tilt towards the kitchen.

"Want anything to drink?"

"You're avoiding my question."

I continue to ignore it as I wade towards the kitchen, pulling open the cupboard where the glasses are. "I have water, coffee, juice, milk?"

"Mila, cut the shit." Kass slaps her hand down on the countertop, and I close the cupboard, a glass in hand, before spinning around to face her. "You're avoiding work.... I'm assuming avoiding Damien?"

"Why?" I frown. "Has he not mentioned it?" That seems odd. I was sure he'd mention something to Kass. They may not be ridiculously close, but close enough for me to come up in a conversation. Kass sighs, crossing her arms over her chest, she cocks a hip and glances around the room.

"Well he's been scarce. Taking meeting's outside the office. The one's that haven't been canceled that is. Things leaked about the sexual harassment lawsuit and we've lost clientele," Kass admits with another sigh. I didn't know he was losing clientele. My curiosity peaks. I set the glass down next to me, and address Kass again.

"What do you know about Tatiana?" I only met her in passing, and she'd seen like a ghost of a woman then. Staring at me with vacant eyes. Kass lets her arms drop back down to her sides, pinches the bridge of her nose, and gestures to the Keurig.

"Get me some coffee," She demands, and moves towards the small round table in the corner of the intimately sized kitchen. I nod, working quickly to make her a cup of coffee as she begins filling me in on all the details she can muster up about Tatiana.

After I secure a warm mug of the murky liquid myself, I slouch back in the kitchen chair and blow out a breath. I've learned in the span of a few minutes that to the eye Tatiana is a normal woman and her and Damien had a fairly professional relationship for about a month or so until things got sexual. After Tatiana quit, Kass had assumed things went sour with Damien.

I snicker. Knowing him he probably paid her for her attendance at the club. He'd offered to pay for mine. I so badly want to mention the club, but I'm reluctant. Clutching my mug of coffee, I bring it to my lips, sipping the steaming contents, and swallowing before settling back into my chair.

"Look Mila, you can be honest with me." Kass places her hand on my forearm and offers me a small smile. "We've been friends for a while. You know I'll be here for you."

The itching familiarity of the urge to cry claws at the back of my throat. I suppress it with another sip of coffee and blink away the ghost of tears in my eyes.

"I know. I – uh, I just... I don't know how to feel. Things with Damien are... complicated." That was the vague version. I tap my fingers against the coffee cup, hoping she'll just leave it be, considering my self-control is ebbing away and I'm about to spill everything, but Kass does what Kass is best at. She pries the information out of me regardless if I'm unwilling.

"How so? Come on, Mi, just spill it," She presses.

"Fine." I rub my forehead, set down my cup, and press my palms against the table. I swallow my anxiety and relinquish all of it. Everything. The club. Seeing him there with Tatiana. The relationship we have, and how things are so up in the air now.... And most importantly, the words I hate to admit.

"I love him."

Kass whistles, and smacks her thigh, before she leans back in her chair, her head falling back.

"You've gone and fallen in love with that jackass?"

Groaning, I pinch the bridge of my nose, and press my forehead to the table. "Please, don't remind me. I've been beating myself up about it too. Damien doesn't really seem like the type for romance. Not really. Apart from the whole, buying me a car... although I told him it was a loan."

"Jesus, he's something else," Kass mumbles to herself, before sitting up, and placing a hand on my shoulder. I lift my head, exhaustion seeping into my bones. "I've known Damien for years now, and I can confidently say that he is without a doubt, a playboy. I've never seen him fall in love. He's never given me that vibe."

My heart picks up speed, thrumming in my chest angrily, like it's just been kicked and stomped on all over.

"But..." She continues. "That doesn't mean he isn't capable of falling in love. I mean, he's been all about you these past two months. Although...."

"What?"

"Well, we spoke briefly tonight before he left work, and he'd mentioned going to meet with Tatiana to resolve things."

My rage comes on swiftly. "Did he say where?"

Kass shook her head.

I wouldn't be fucking surprised if it was at the club. The same club I saw him fucking her when I first started working for him. "Probably just going to fuck his way out of the mess. I have half a mind to go find him and punch him in the face."

Kass chuckled. "Girl, I can't say he doesn't deserve it. Seems like he's putting you through hell." She drags her eyes over me and rubs her chin thoughtfully. "Just whatever you do, shower and fix yourself up. Don't let him see how he's effecting you. Men take that shit and run with it."

I nod, playing it off as if I'm not going to go, but secretly, my minds plotting. I need to know the truth. Is he still fucking her? God. I don't want to accept that reality. I never thought I'd feel heartbroken over him. I swore to Kass I wouldn't let him get to me before I'd even accepted the position and I failed miserably.

***

I make sure I look miraculous. Completely un-phased. With a short, tight pink dress, I walk in heels through the entrance of the club. It's easily accessible since I've gained membership status thanks to Damien. I feel eyes all over me, greedily drinking in my exposed flesh. My neck, and the cleavage that show due to the low-cut angle of the dress, and my creamy thigh which is exposed with every step because of the slit in the skirt of the dress.

I search for Damien, eyes shifting back and forth, seeking those familiar powerful ones that he uses to drink me in. I don't see him throughout the lobby. I cross the floor, peering into vast rooms where people are in the throws of BDSM. Woman tied down, filled with objects, being fucked, anything. Even some men in leashes being led by other men. The club caters to all needs.

I bite my lip, making my way towards the room I originally first saw Damien with Tatiana. The showroom. I pray not to see him up there, thankful when it's a completely different pair of people on stage. Intrigued eyes in the audience are set on them, but not one is Damien's.

What about his private room...

I don't have a key, and I'm not sure I'd be able to get into it.

You're forgetting that you're his sub.

Heading back towards the front door, I catch the eye of the club's owner – Gregory. A shameless businessman, who despite owning a club such as this one, is married. I wave him down, sashaying confidently towards him. I rest a hand on his arm and smile.

"Hi, Gregory."

"Mila, you look stunning tonight. How's the club treating you?"

"Good," I reply, before stroking his arm and chuckling gently. "I was hoping I could get the key to Damien's playroom. He instructed me to wait for him in there."

Gregory furrows his brow with confusion. I let my hand drop down towards my side and watch as his mouth twists.

"As far as I know, he's already in there."

My heart plummets.

Maybe he's alone.

I nod slowly and attempt to erase the look of disappointment on my face as Gregory's eyes narrow as if he's been caught revealing something he shouldn't have.

"Of course." I tap my forehead gently like I've made a silly mistake. "I must've forgotten. Sorry, Gregory." I spin on my heel before he can get another word out and let my feet carry me towards the room where I know my suspicions will be confirmed.

Dread fills my body, like my blood's made up of the emotion. It fuels me, making me ache as I drag myself forward. When I get to the door and descend the steps, I hold my breath, listening carefully, and not wanting to be heard at the same time.

A strangled pleasure filled cry echoes up the steps the further I venture down, and I stop when, pressing my hands against the wall, and sucking a deep breath when my eyes land on Tatiana scantily clad in lace and rope. Her breasts are covered only by lace, her nipples blatantly showing through the material. Her arms hang as she kneels, her wrists are tied to rope above her.

Dressed in a shirt with the buttons undone, Damien stands behind her, the muscles in his abdomen and chest rippling with each lash of the whip in his hand as he reddens her skin.

"You've been disobedient," He states in the same tone that makes me shiver and wet between my thighs. Only it's not directed at me. It's directed at the flushed blonde before me. "Admit you've been a bad girl."

"I've been bad, Sir," She cries out as he whips her again.

"What have you done, Tatiana?" He commands. I cover my mouth with my hand as he whips Tatiana again and she moans. "Say it or I'm not giving you what you want."

He whips her shoulder, dragging the leather down her bare back to the crack of her ass. She cries out tilting her head back.

"Say it!" He demands, and his eyes move past her to me, before they widen with surprise and something else. Panic?

"I lied!" I hear her call as I twist and hurry back up the steps. I don't stay to witness more. She was right. He was still fucking her. But he didn't just throw her away like nothing. No. He left that for me. Tossing me away like trash. Like I'm just some replaceable object to get his dick wet with.

Tears stain my cheeks as I blindly stumble up the steps and close the door behind me. I hit into Gregory and mumble an apology. He places his hands on my arms, his expression filled with concern. "Are you alright?"

I nod, taking a shaky breath. "I'm fine," I croak. "I have to go." He nods, releasing me and letting me move past him before I hear him announcing that there's going to be another showcase. I'm moving back towards him before I can think.

I reach for Gregory's shoulder, tapping it before he spins around to face me. Swiping my cheeks, I shoot him a serious gaze.

"Can I be in the showcase?"

"Uh, Mila, I – I don't think you're really in the position to –"

I interrupt him firmly. "I want to do it. I won't disappoint you. Just give me a Dom, and I'm there."

"What about Damien?"

"He's with another sub. I'm fine. He doesn't mind."

Gregory rubs his chin, contemplating what I've just said before he sighs and nods. "Fine." He points towards a door that's next to the showroom double doors. "Go through there. You go on in five minutes."

I nod and smile at him as much as I can manage. Thankful I'll be able to lose myself in someone the way Damien seems to. And hell, maybe he'll feel the agony I feel when he witnesses it.