Chapter Two: Lost Cause

Isobel 

Tuesday Night 

“Yes, your majesty.” My eyes practically rolled into the back of my head as I responded to my best friend’s greeting. But I had to confess to what I just saw. 

“Lucy, I did something terrible.” That got her attention, but knowing me, it couldn’t be that bad, so she laughed.  

“Do tell? You seem as nervous as a whore in church, which has me really excited, and it’s past ten pm. So it must be something super juicy.”

“I cannot believe I did this. Well, two-things. You promise to not make fun of me?” 

“Of course not. It is my goddess-given right to laugh at your ass. But do go on and know I will love you no matter what.” 

“Oh, it was awful.” 

“Spit it out already,” she practically sang the words. I could hear her shifting around. I guessed her kitchen because I’m pretty sure I heard her fridge open. 

“Ok. So I was reading this romance book that one of my online groups had gone on and on about. It has this lizardy alien guy who is in love with a post-apocalyptic mutated fire girl.”

“What the fuck, Iz? That does not sound sexy at all, and it’s romance? Come on, how about a witch, werewolf, or vampire, you know something relatable.” I could hear the lust in her voice.    

“I know, it wasn’t great, but the more I read, the more turned on I got. Actually, it was more like when I stopped reading, I got really turned on.” It was so strange. I read smut all the time but none had ever affected me like this.

“Yes, was your blood finally singing for the moon?” 

“Yeah.” 

“OMG, did you go get a guy? And if yes, where?”

“No, I finally tried something.” 

“Tried something?” Her voice went up an octave, questioning me, and trying to figure out what I did. “Ohhhhh….you tried taking care of this problem yourself…you go, girl! About damn time.” She wasn’t full out laughing yet, but I knew it could strike at any moment. Yet, I could hear the understanding in her voice. 

“I did.” 

“How was it?”

“I got weirded out and didn’t finish. I was afraid.” 

“What the Hell! Your own body is not going to bite you. You’d feel so much better if you had. You aren’t going to sleep a wink tonight just so you know?” 

“I wasn’t afraid of that…I was afraid Grams would come home at any minute.” 

“Is she there yet?”

“No, so anyway I thought I’d take my mind off of the itch I couldn’t scratch. Which brings me to my second embarrassing sexual encounter of the night.”  

“Do tell?” 

“So, I went back online and was reading a funny Meme and discussion thread in one of my book groups…” she cut me off.  

“Seriously, you’re calling me this late over you not coming and a Meme you saw online in your book club?” She let out an annoyed sigh before digging into her ice cream. “Go on,” she mumbled, “I even got a snack for this with grand expectations of something juicy.” 

I looked around the empty house, but for some reason, I still grabbed a stick of sage from my nightstand and lit it. I wanted complete privacy for this conversation because I didn’t feel like I’d had any tonight. My room had felt warmer than usual and even smelled different. But it was a wonderful scent. Maybe it was all in my lust addled mind. I lived in a massive house with Grams, but I still worried about being spied on. I waved the smoke around me, creating a layer of protection for listening ears. 

“Well, they were all talking about this guy and small hands and said it was a must-see. I thought it was one of the joke gifs like that super funny comedy skit with the girl group singing, and she has baby hands.” I could hear her already laughing her ass off. She knew what was coming. “Nope, it was porn. Two guys, one girl, and lots of holes being stretched out porn.” She was coughing at this point and choking back laughter. 

But I kept on telling her my shame. “I’ve never watched that before. I’m kind of horrified. And the whole time, I was waiting for small hands to show up. But there were none. It was two dudes with normal-sized hands. I just don’t get why they referred to it as that. And it looked like they were in some college dude’s apartment. It was so gross. But yuck, I wasn’t the chick being banged by two dudes, but I feel like a dirty slut for watching it. My face is blood red even though I’m a grown woman. Seriously, I’m never having sex.” 

“Isobel, there are so many pieces of your confession I could dissect, you dear sweet innocent girl, you have so so so many issues and hang-ups we need to address, but I’m going to start with the obvious, your Grams wouldn’t have cared if she heard you moaning down the hall. She has openly told you to invite as many gentlemen callers as you like and gave you a vibrator as an early birthday gift because, and I quote, ‘you look tense’…but what I can’t get over is that really your first dick?” 

“Yes. You know that.” 

“I know you’re a virgin, hell woman, up until a few months ago, so was I, but I wasn’t aware that you’d never seen one. Oh honey, don’t let one bad porno scare you away from trying the carnal delights.” 

“But…but…you didn’t see it.” 

“I’m pretty sure I have,” she sarcastically threw in. 

“They moved unnaturally fast, and the poor girl couldn’t breathe. It looked painful being rammed over and over again by their d-i-c-k-s…with nothing but spit to lubricate. They legit would lick their hand, slap her p-u-s-s-y, and go on in. Even I know that can’t be enough. And…and they were huge and long. I know they have to be humans, but holy shit.” I couldn’t even say dick. I didn’t live a sheltered life even though my caretaker was in her sixties. What’s funny is most witches are known to be very sensual creatures with no belief in monogamy. 

“You spelled out dicks and pussy? You might be a lost cause, Isobel. Of course, they’re humans, our kind would put them to shame in the sack,” I could actually hear her smirking. “You will be fine. Good sex is nothing like that. And your little video didn’t take your mind off the initial problem?” She sounded very mischievous. 

It took me a second before I was utterly scandalized, “No. Of course not.” 

“Let me guess your vibrator is still in the box. Then as you watched this horrendous video, you were sitting crossed legged at the edge of your bed, cringing, making that OMG face in disgust,” I swear she must have been spying on me because that’s exactly what I had been doing. “You’re eighteen. Don’t sweat it. Someday you will have sex. You’ll touch a cock, not choke to death, and have multiple orgasms, and enjoy every minute of it. It will be fine. Just stay off the internet and go back to your books. They seem much safer.” 

“Thanks, Lucy,” I whispered, “So…when did you first see one?”

“In real life, see one? A few months before school got out, when I accidentally walked into the boys' locker room, and Jamie was in there.” Another giggle. “It definitely helped his case when he asked me out the next day. And you will never believe what it looks like.” 

Unknowingly I had opened the door for my best friend to spring into all the details she’d been dying to share... every detail of her boyfriend’s package. I stopped her before she got into the first time she gave him a blow job.

My shaken-up nerves had finally settled, and I felt normal again. I was happy to hear somebody was in love and happy. I was confident she had the only good guy in town. I spent most of my time on schoolwork, the bookshop, or spell lessons. Lucy pretty much was the same. Besides Grams and Lucy’s mom, we were the only witches in town. Jamie was a werewolf, though technically he and his pack live out of city limits, and we are pretty sure there is a vampire a couple of towns over, but otherwise, all creatures have moved out of this area. Grams said back in the day, it used to be crawling with all types of magic.  

When I was thirteen, I discovered spells when most girls were discovering boys. I was outside my house one afternoon, so angry because one of the stupid girls at school was making fun of me and my awkwardness. Grams saw the sparks coming out of my fingers and excitedly said it was time to have an important discussion. We had a very long conversation. 

I was furious she hadn’t told me earlier. That none of the witch world should have been kept from me. 

“Well, I taught you about nature, herbs, history, spirits, and how the Earth provides gifts. I never cast with you around or outright told you because there was always a ridiculously small chance you wouldn’t have magic. Oh darling, the last thing a growing girl needs is more stress!” Grams tucked my deep raven black hair behind my ear and hugged me. 

“But I wouldn’t have felt so weird. It ended with me coming home for daily lessons. I learned to channel my emotions and energy and not catch things on fire with sparking fingers. She said it came from being unbalanced with the Earth and spirit. 

Maybe that was the problem. I was imbalanced with life. I was all work. I mean, I freaked out over a clip on the internet. I needed to relax and start to mingle. Surely in this town, there would be one nice guy to go on a date with.  

But as Lucy pointed out—I’m only eighteen. There is a whole life out there waiting for me, and I can always try again.