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• Her Name Is Shelia   Nine

  The night never seemed to end. Every now and again she would try to look at her “organic” notes and the textbooks. But everything blurred in front of her face. The letters made patterns which she knew were words but it was as if she couldn’t read and they didn’t make any sense to her.She took a shower and tried to wake herself up but it wasn’t mere fatigue which was plaguing her. She was crashing from the two solid weeks of speeding she had been doing. The sleepless nights, the coffee and finally the methadrine she had been using, came crashing down around her head.She could hardly walk straight and when she lay down on the couch to rest even the soft pillows didn’t feel good under her.Finally it was light and she forced herself to eat some breakfast. It tasted like straw going down and she chewed completely without enthusiasm.The exam was at nine o’clock and by eight-thirty there was a line off stude

• Her Name Is Shelia   Eight

  Leaving the park finally was like coming down off a high mountain. In more ways than one they were all three coming off a high place.The sun, wind and stars had made them all very peaceful. None of them had felt like talking very much. They said what they needed to with their bodies and their faces.The roar of the highway was oppressive as they drove back onto the main road and headed south again. Sitting in the back of the van staring as the scenery rolled past in the windshield Sheila looked from one guy to the other.Carlos was hardly more than a boy and Jack for all his solemn mien was younger than she was in most ways. They were headed nowhere and Sheila remembered the first day she had been in the van.Uneasily she recalled how they gently ridiculed all the people who got in the truck and had plans and ambitions. They had tolerated her perhaps because she was beautiful or because at the moment she was running away like they were.But she to

• Her Name Is Shelia   Seven

  I can’t go back there, Sheila thought, shaking her head. She stood outside Tammy’s place for a long time dying to go in but afraid she would turn her away after the way she had left.She was too proud to beg for help but she had no place to go. In her bag she had about thirty dollars. It wasn’t much but it was enough to split with.It was getting late. The sky was completely black and the stars had come peeping out one by one until they were spread across the sky like a blanket.Sheila looked up wistfully at them. Under the street lamp her face was streaked with the tracks of her tears as she looked up and wished she had that starry blanket to pull up over her.Then slowly she headed for the dormitory. It was always easy to find a place to crash there. That night she ended up sleeping in one of the lounges, the faded fiberglass curtains blowing in her face in the breeze.Stiff and very tired she got up in the morning and

• Her Name Is Shelia   Six

  It was a hard winter. The snow piled deep and cold on the side of the building. It froze into solid glaciers of frigid ice and burned Sheila’s hand when she slipped and fell on it.Taking her books to class was an arduous trip. The wind blew off the northern plains as if it had a vengeance. Bent on destroying all human feeling and it seemed to course down the streets scouring everything not bundled in four layers of wool.Sheila did indeed get straight “A’s”. She stared at her transcript when it came in the mail with exaggerated indifference. She even took care to leave it buried under her old school newspapers which she read only with contempt and snickering.By the end of February she was living with Bob. From the first time he had carried her home, he entranced her. His long powerful body, a dancer’s and acrobat’s mesmerized her until she could hardly keep her hands off him when he was near.Then there was T

• Her Name Is Shelia   Five

  It was okay, Sheila thought lying on her back in her room. Her paper pigeons were hung from the ceiling by the window and she watched them sway in the slight breeze.But I wish they hadn’t tricked me like that, she thought. It wasn’t fair getting me stoned. It just wasn’t fair!At that, she rolled over on her belly weeping and pounding the pillow. “It’s not right,” she said out loud. “They tricked me,” she pleaded if she were defending herself to someone accusing her of doing something wrong.All the time Tammy said she was my friend she was just lying, Sheila thought. All she cares about is having a good time. Well, that’s not my idea of a good time!“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, rolling back over on her back and clenching her fist at her mouth. The tears welled up in her eyes and her lips trembled as she tried to hold them back. But she couldn’t.

• Her Name Is Shelia   Four

  “Well come on Sheila,” Tammy yelled, “Don’t hold out on me!! Tell me what happened.” But Sheila just smirked and sat down in the kitchen looking self-satisfied. There was a long pause.“Nothing much happened,” Sheila said. “I mean it wasn’t all that special. I just went up to his office and we talked about organic chemistry. He’s a pretty nice guy.”“You mean you didn’t ball him?” she asked incredulously.“Oh yeah,” she said. “I fucked him. I mean I’m surprised at you Tammy, being so hung-up on that like it’s something special.” Sheila was smirking broadly.“You little bitch,” Tammy said laughing. “When you got her you were a virgin. So in two weeks you come across talking like it’s nothing to ball some guy in his office. You’re a pisser!! ”“Well, if you insist,” she said, “I&