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Chapter 8

Author: Emerald
last update publish date: 2020-11-11 15:30:05

Divya's POV.

I am in my room, cleaning the old files. It's a weekend and Ani is out playing with his friends. Ma is on her date with her childhood friends.

I am thankful to them, they were the emotional supporters for Ma when she lost her husband and her son just recently.

Cleaning the shelves containing Kaustubhs books I find many maps piles up.

Maps?

Why did he need a map? There are even sheets which look like plans for large buildings.

Kaustubh had a large textile industry set up by his father. And after his death, we had to sell it to fulfil the loan from the bank.

Kaustubh and Ma were priorly settled in Mysore and shifted to Banglore after his father's death. Ma was not either able to bear the same memories walking round and round in her mind or could she hold in the taunts of the society.

I get a call from my mom. My sweet mamma,

"Hellow? Amma how are you?" (Amma -mom in Kannada)

"Hey there sweety, everything is good here, I am sorry that mom cannot be by your side in such a situation. "

Amma is in Bidar with her sister, my masi ( maternal aunt.). My masi is diagnosed with blood cancer and was never married, to begin with, and she has to be in the constant care of someone. So after Kaustubhs death my mon has retired and shifted there to take care of her. "How is masi amma?"

"She's all good, we have another chemo around the corner hope this one goes well too, your masi will be fit and fine within three months "

"That's a relief."

"What was my baby doing?"

Chuckles "nothing special, just dusting my room, have some files sorted out will place it back, is all, what about you ma?"

"Just the usual stuff, you know what do you remember that Kaveri? She has........"

And there she goes on and on about all the bottled up stuff she wants to tell me, and me being her patience stone listen to every word she utters giving her my response here and there.

I guess this is what Doctor Raghavan said, finding memories and meaning in one's life.

I take down the books from the top shelf to dust them while still on the call,  mom is giving me some details about the current election, very important topic!  When suddenly a thick dairy falls catching my attention. What is this? I turn the pages to find numerous candid pictures of mine stuck to its pages, what is all this? I turn the pages hurriedly unable to concentrate on moms talks anymore!!

My unsteady eyes trying to grasp every single pic of mine right from middle highschool till a month ago, exactly when Kaustubh died.

Di...did he take secret pictures of mine?? Preserved it so he could adore me?

There are several pictures of mine, for example.

Me sitting in an ice cream parlour with my girl gang after tenth-grade exams, me with Jay? He has a cross marked Jay's face.

I laugh at his childish act.  Possessive jerk, me wearing a saree which he made me were for the first time.

The next morning of our first time, I am sleeping in his embrace as if there is no other place as safe as his arms, he is possessively kissing my forehead,  his hair dishevelled and so is mine we both are naked under that cream coloured velvet blanket of ours.

"Hellow Divi? You there? " my mom's voice brings me back to reality. And also to the realisation that I was crying silently. My tears flowing down unable to bear the emotions built up within me anymore.

How long are you planning to make me cry Kaustubh? Weren't you the one who promised me to keep me happy??.

Where did that promise go now!!.

Unable to handle my emotion and mom's caring talks at the same time I say.

"Amma, I will call you back."

I cut the call with my heavy voice, my throat hurts, unfit to hold back my tears and loud groans anymore.

Closing the book and placing it to where it belongs, my eyes catch another unseen dairy.

What is this now? I can't hold back my heavy cries anymore. I open the book only to find some written memories of Kaustubh and me.

I lay down on my bed, at my right side, draping the same blanket and turn the pages one by one.

It says. " 23years ago, ...",

Oh! So he started writing dairies recently, maybe that's why it's written as twenty-three years ago...

"It was a winter morning, and mom was sad as usual, hurt prominent in her eyes, I was viewing out of my window, secured in sweater ready to taste mom's special soup that had engulfed the entire room with its fragrance.

And there came a mini truck entering the compound wall of our apartment. Men de-loading the stuff and shifting to the house beside ours. We got neighbours that day.

I hoped it to be a guy friend so that I can have another poker face around and not just me in the apartment. But minutes later a small girl emerged out with cute baby pink woollen cap and a purple coloured thick sweater frock.

She looked here and there all around and finally, her eyes met mine, through the window, and I felt as if I had seen an angel, she looked like a doll.

That's the first time I saw Divya, and I still cannot forget how blessed I felt back then, that my neighbour was not a guy. "

"Thirteen years ago,

It's my last year of school, and Divya was in eighth grade. In one of the empty rooms of the music department, we sit down waiting for the teacher to arrive.

The school's already over, and me being the head-boy of the school and Divya being my deputy, we have to sing a duet to thank our teachers for such a wonderful academic year on the annual gathering day.

The day must have been exhausting for her, as she was sleeping like a baby, with a tiny pout on her lips, laying on the bench, completely off guard.

She was eighth grade then, and according to my knowledge, she didn't have a boyfriend or a crush yet. And I had a long-awaited crush on her from day one.

I wanted her to be my first everything, but me being brought up with such a messy past, I didn't believe I could have given her a good future back then.

She moves suddenly coming closer to my already tensed body. Our thighs brushing against each other, making me go crazy!!

She slumped further, adjusting her posture looking even more adorable. I lean in involuntarily, every inch towards her face is making my heart beak like a crazy drummer.

Collecting all the courage of my life I finally give in and place my lips over her soft one's.

She flinched at first, moaned in her sleep but then let's go later. I break this tiny peck that we shared. I  was blushing like a maniac back then. She was the only one who made me feel like that. But she was sleeping as if there were no worries in the entire world.

Looking at her undisturbed sleep I was hit with another wave of lust for kissing those lips again.

Defying my subconscious making me stop and act like a gentleman, I move further kissing her with my hungry lips, changing angles, licking every piece of those luscious lips. Her lips are my personal brand of honey. I finally break open the unbreakable magnetic force between us, huffing, I stand in front of her sleeping form feeling so much guilt for my uninformed act, that I would have cried.

I run towards the restroom splash water on my face continuously trying to erase that unethical act of mine which I committed minutes ago.

Holding my head in my hands  I think to myself, how can I touch the body of my goddess without her permission?

I am the most useless shit on this earth, she was sleeping in front of me off guard, believing in me, and all I did was hurt her.

Exactly! that's all I can give her, hurt. I should try stopping my emotions for her, I should start concentrating on other stuff, ya! that will be better, she deserves better, not a jerk like me!"

Does that mean, I had my first kiss with Kaustubh long back? My first kiss not when I was in tenth grade?

Only if I could tell him that I needed him even back then. And that all rights on my body are reserved just for him.

Only if I could tell him. Though all these memories are making cry they are also making me feel like I have time travelled I want to know all the emotions he felt for me back then.

"Eleven years ago,

Divya was tenth grade and sneaked in my room with a saree in her hand. Asking me to drape her with it. How much I would like to up-drape the saree than drape it on her. 

I was now avoiding her as I knew that she had feelings for me, but I was the wrong choice. I had started acting as if I was interested in Shaila. I knew Shaila liked me and could have got a wrong idea, but I guess that was the safest place out for me from Divya.

This time when Divya asked me for help regarding her saree, I didn't risk one bit, I blindfolded myself and thought it was the best if I cannot see her toned body, but guess what, It was worst than I had imagined. I could feel her soft skin under my rough hands and yet couldn't get a view of it, if this isn't living hell then what is??! 

I tried to concentrate on the saree than her creamy soft skin and get done with it real quick, but damn that blessed... sorry that idiotic plastic bag, it came in between and created a heavenly scene...I mean sorry created havoc.

I fell over her and her figure under me with this slightly parted lips or should I say my honey packets. I had controlled myself from jumping on her for two years and this situation wasn't doing any good in helping me go further with my restrain.

And I let go of my emotions! I went according to my love for her and poured my heart out on our second kiss. I will always remember this day.

That movement of pleasure was completely ruined by that idiotic ringtone acting like a villain in between our love scene.

But then again if it was not for the call, I could have taken her down my way not letting her go to the party that night.!"

I am still feeling butterflies just by reading his diary.

How beautiful it would have been if you had told me your true emotions. If fate had decided to separate us soo early and if we knew the fact then would you have restrained yourself??

I wish I was braver than I am now, I wish we had spoken our hearts back then.

But one thing is for sure, memories are the only things that keeps a dead person alive just like doctor Raghavan said.

Turning the pages of the dairy I come to the last page dated just the day before he went missing.

"Tomorrow is my business trip and I seriously don't want to leave her side!!

I cannot imagine being away from her for even a day. But I have to.

One thing is for sure, I am gonna have my heart poured in making love to her tonight.

I will love her till she faints.

She is the angle of my life and I will never let go of her."

I place the opened book on my chest, staring at the ceiling.

I slowly close my eyes, letting go of the tiny droplets of water one by one, from the corner of my eyes.

"How am I supposed to forget you Kaustubh?

If you remember our first encounter till recently which I had forgotten ages ago.

If you did those cute first kiss scandal with me if you never wanted me to be away from you till your last breath.

Then why did you!!

Was it necessary to die? Idiot!.

Oh god! if you want to punish me with my husband's death, don't you think its already enough!

I wish I had never found this dairy! All these memories of you are making me fall for you all over again.

What am I supposed to do to bring you back?

(Balling her eyes out)

Is there no way in this entire world to bring you back to life?

I just want you alive. It's ok if you are not with me. But please just be alive, that eases so much of my burden."

Clinching the book to my chest, I doze off in his memories. When I wake up from my dreamland, I wish all of this to be a dream.

I wish it to be a dream.

I wish to be back in his warm embrace.

I wish..................

_____________________________________________

Hey good readers!! That's all for now.

Please do leave a comment on this chapter and rate my book.

And most importantly who do you ship by now?

Should we go further with Divya and Kaustubh or should Divya forget her dead husband and start a new with Dev??.

Do comment your opinion.

Stay tuned

Stay safe.

Thank you for your attention.😊

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