Memories

What's happening?"

Luc was sitting too close to him and almost robbed John of his mind, so that he couldn't answer, but just once again let his body decide to take what it wanted. Soon no sheet of paper would fit between them, their sounds of desire filled the hospital room and they looked at each other with lusty eyes. "This is clearly the wrong place for something like that," panted John and kissed Luc again.

This smiled on his lips. "I'll be home again tomorrow, have to spend the whole day in bed ..."

Whatever promise his husband made him made his heart pound and then beat at a pace that was clearly record-breaking. "Luc, I don't think so ..."

“You are clearly thinking way too much. I think you should show me again how our wedding night went, all that I can't remember. "

John prevented a laugh, instead swallowed it and nodded resignedly. If Luc wanted to have their wedding night, that would be the smallest problem, but it would probably irritate him rather than fulfill the wishes that could be read in his eyes. The goose bumps that covered his body were accompanied by a feeling of discomfort. Could he give Luc what he apparently wanted?

Hours later, when John was already home, the question haunted his mind. Sure, he was drawn to his best friend and husband, he didn't need to think about that further. However, he had never actually had sex with a man himself and at the moment the thought puzzled him. At some point John found himself in front of his computer and used the search engine to find out what to look out for. The first thing he saw were relevant videos showing clear things that he never wanted to practice. John had never been into beatings and the equipment looked like someone wanted to torture instead of inducing pleasure. No, that wasn't his taste. Reports about the first time between men were more informative, but also more theoretical and how should it all work in practice? Despair filled John. Satisfying another man orally or by hand was clearly different. However, he was surprised that there were also videos where everything was described in detail. He'd looked at more than one late into the night and didn't really know if he was ready. Could he get anal penetration or was he ready to do it with Luc? What if it caused too much pain? The dangers of anal intercourse were also not to be despised and clearly needed to be carefully considered.

With the pictures he slipped into a restless sleep a little later, which showed him scenes that made him wake up bathed in sweat in the morning.

Breathing heavily, John stood under the cold shower and prayed for the images to fade from his mind. -If it's really that dangerous, why do so many people enjoy it? - he asked himself and had no answer.

Meanwhile, Luc struggled with memories that had shot at him since he opened his eyes. The argument with his parents, his moving in with John, the kiss at the wedding, a section in the elevator. How he lay on John and rubbed against him. Luc didn't recognize himself in these scenes, but his friend in particular irritated him. He would never have believed him capable of these looks, the touches and intoxicating sounds. John had always been rather stiff and overly correct and now pictures of a man appeared, whom Luc hardly seemed to know, but which triggered this pleasant tingling in his stomach. It was clear, wasn't it? Slowly but surely he was convinced that he was madly in love with his best friend.

When did that happen?

“The things are packed, as I can see. Then I'll hand you your papers. Please don't be afraid to come over if the headache gets worse. ”Luc hadn't even noticed that Doctor Richards had walked in.

"I will make. Doctor ... did I get something on the organs too? "

"No, definitely not, how do you come up with that, Mister Stone?"

Embarrassed, Luc twisted his wedding ring. “My stomach is rebelling a bit. I cannot interpret it exactly, but it is quite strange ... "

The doctor sat down by the bed and smiled gently. “Well, it could be that you mean this shimmer, which is mostly in the stomach area. It feels like you're about to throw up? "

"Exactly!"

"This is called limerence and there is nothing I can do about it."

"Is that bad?" Uncertainty in Luc's eyes made the doctor laugh.

“You can see this as you like. Translated it just means that you are in love. "

"Are you sure?"

Doctor Richards nodded and smiled good-naturedly at him. "When your memories come back, it will surely explain itself."

"Could have been something else, couldn't it?"

“They are clearly too well for that. I'm really assuming that you're just in love. What is your problem?"

Sighing, Luc sucked in the air and let it out again. "Up until a few days ago we were" just "best friends and by God I don't know when that has changed."

“The path from true friendship to love is sometimes closer than you think. Enjoy your luck, I think there are worse things. ”Doctor Richards winked and then said goodbye.

As nice as the doctor's words were, they didn't help him at the moment. What would not Luc have given to have all his memories back. He would have loved to know when they had been in love with each other, when he himself had realized that he had fallen in love with John. When his husband walked into the room, any question was gone from his brain, instead he bit his lip and pulled on his shoes. The anticipation of their home was great. Would his dreams of the night come true? These had been moist and extensive that he had wondered in the morning whether they corresponded to reality until his memories came back.

He immediately noticed that these memories weren't the last for the day when they stepped into the apartment and he pushed past John. The memory of John hugging him against the wall and they kissed came through to him like lightning. Smiling, he leaned back and closed his eyes until a dialogue confused his pleasant memories.

“Luc… that's not good. You need affection, but I don't think you really want this. "

“To believe is not to know, John! I'm old enough to know what I want, don't you think? "

"Usually yes, but the argument with your parents ... I think you are misinterpreting your feelings for me."

"No way! You are my best friend, for whom I would do anything and who also does everything for me. We have been there for each other all our lives and that will not change, not through the wedding, nor through our intimacies, on the contrary. "

His eyes opened again and he looked over his shoulder directly into Johns who were looking at him with concern. What did this memory mean? Why did they have such a dialogue? Did that mean ... that sounded to his ears like they weren't a couple, but that couldn't be true, he was sure of that. Why else had John kissed him like that in the hospital? Why else did it shimmer in his stomach? Why else was he leaning against his husband, who was holding him gently by the waist and looking at him so worriedly? John wouldn't do all of this out of friendship, would he?

Again he started to play with his ring, which felt so good on his finger, but also unfamiliar and wrong at that moment. The uncertainty ate him up, but he couldn't ask the question, he was too afraid of the answer. Instead, he let John take off his jacket while he took off his shoes and headed for the bedroom. When his husband followed him, he was already lying on the bed, too weak to undress and staring at the ceiling.

"What's buzzing through your head?" John sat down next to him.

“Too much to put into words. Memories come back and are quite irritating. "

"So? What memories?"