Voids and emptiness

Mara's POV.

I wasn't sure why I had been crying. I wasn't even sure if what I felt on my face was my tears or the raindrops from the shower. I felt numb inside, and drained entirely.

I had lost. I was a loser. The most important person in my life, Like every other of them, had left me. My crown jewel; I had lost her, to the icy hands of death; it snatched her away.

Now I really felt like trash and nothing could bring me again the sanity I so craved for. My thoughts were all over the place. Only one thing stayed in my mind; haunting it like an evil spirits. Horrible memories feeling my mental sight; pools from the pacific blurred my physical one. I got no pleasure from it but I got pain from it. And nothing surpasses the regret I got from it as it was all in vain.

"Mara! Mara!" I snap out of my trans to the voice of my friend Issa. "You have to stop doing this to yourself," she grumbled, "It's past and forgotten. No one blames you for it so stop trying to punish yourself by doing things like this." She grabbed something out of my hand, looking really shocked and almost petrified. It was probably because I was filling my cup of hot tea with powder soap.

It's been a regular thing lately. My thoughts have been doing that a lot to me lately. Steal my attention from whatsoever I'm doing so I can unintentional end my life: or intentionally; I didn't care much about anything.

"You know I didn't mean it," was all I could say before emptying the content of the cup into the sink, then heading out after deciding on ditching breakfast and food, the fifth time in a row.

"Now where are you going?" Issa questioned. She cared, a lot. And that scared me for her. Caring too much gets you hurt. I mean look at me. I'm a messed up girl, 18 and unstable. Junkies had a better mind set than I ever have. But I knew I didn't want to hurt Issa. She was the last person I had in this planet. I foresaw the longevity of my existence: it wasn't very long and I knew it would cause her pain to see me go in any way, by my hand of another. But all I could imagine was the relief I'd get from the weight off my shoulders.

"To work." I told her,

"But today is your day off!" she said firmly, slamming her hand on the furniture.

Dramatic!

"Do you really want me to stay home and enjoy it?" I asked her back. It was a trick question,  since my days were no longer enjoyable. She always told me to find a way to distract myself from thinking too much.

I was going to do just that.

"It's been two months already just let it go!" she called after my departing figure.

We couldn't argue further as I dashed out of the room, out of the building and into the busy streets of Manhattan. With no destination whatsoever, I follow the lead of my legs to the left, blankly staring into space. It was intentional; just in case I got lost and never found my way back. Or died in a deserted place with no one around to help me.

I dropped to the floor when I felt a hard slap from my upper thighs right up to my stomach. I never saw the car that had just parked ahead of me and swung its door open. I felt my head spin and my vision blur. I could only hear a voice,

"Miss are you OK?" A man asked,

Epic fail!

Yes I was. I wish I wasn't.

He took my hand and lifted me up from the floor. As my vision regained its clarity. I looked around to see if I hadn't to died and went to wherever people go to when they die. But no! I could still see the huge billboard advertising the hair products I use to use but could no longer afford. I looked at the person whose hand was still holding mine. I glanced at his face and froze.

I could recognize it from anywhere since it's been haunting my dreams for months.

My heartbeat increased and lower tummy churned.

His voice sneered in my head like everything he said to me, while digging himself deep inside of me that night, was just a mockery.

The voices sneered in my head as I try to recollect sanity. The memories became real as I saw them all transpire before my eyes. Rivers of tear filling my orbs.

I shut him completely out. I yanked myself from him.

In an attempt to run off into the sunset (not really), I ended up amidst a busy highway; I felt something hit me but the feeling is brief as black spots clouded my vision till everything turned completely black.

The last things I heard were the street noises fading into the voids and emptiness she already felt inside, and a voice shouting 'help'.