Chapter 19

Ivo's car is an open car and I closed my eyes as the wind blows. I'm still dizzy because of the amount of alcohol I poured down my throat. I leaned my right elbow against the car door to steady me as I face Ivo. A nausea feeling came but I ignored it.  

He's frowning, "What are you frowning about?" I asked. He glanced at me for a second and focused again on driving. I don't know where are we going but I couldn't bring myself to care. The aura he showed me when we were dancing is back again, his calm relax aura but the aura I saw when he was with Polina and the masked guy, it was different. It was dangerous. 

"What happened to not trusting you again?" I laughed a little, I smell the alcohol from my mouth, I felt my stomach contracted, "Ivo please stop the car" he did exactly what I said. I hurriedly exited his car. 

I sank to my knees when I reached the electricity post. I'd describe my vomiting as purging, I was too compelled to do it. The vomit came up with an acidy bitter taste all over my mouth, there's a tingling sensation left in my throat and mouth. 

I heard Ivo's footsteps but I didn't look at him, I'm too shy to do so. I also noticed na may suka na ang dulong parte ng buhok ko pero hindi ko ito pinansin at patuloy pa rin sa pagsuka. 

Ivo crouched beside and raised my hair up for me, I glanced at him, "Thanks" tipid kong ngite and vomited again. 

Kung pwede lang sana akong kainin ng lupa, I feel so embrassed, if alam ko lang na ganito pala ang mangyayari ay sana hindi na pala ako uminom. Ang malala ay nandito si Ivo at ang panget ng second meeting namin. 

I still feel dizzy and intoxicated because of the alcohol but I felt so much better after puking. Ivo is still holding my hair as he helped me stood up, he's using his left hand to hold my hair, I felt his hand on my right wrist and removed my hair tie. 

"Turn around," his voice was deep, it was also smooth. It's warm and comforting. I did what he asked me to and I felt his fingers on my scalp and that's when I realized that Ivo is tying my hair. Uminit ang pisnge ko, there's nothing gay about what he did. In fact, the gesture is so sweet. Pinunasan nya rin ang buhok ko, sa parte na may suka. 

I turned to him, "You didn' have to do that" I say, I hope he can't see the redness of my face because I'm really embarrassed. He smiled a little, you could miss it but I didn't. 

"It's alright. I don't mind," before I could react he grabbed my left hand, "Let's go" 

"Where are we going?" 

"We're almost there. A 2-4 minute walk." he glanced at me, "Can you still walk or do you want me to carry you?" there's a playful tone of his voice and I can't help but blush. 

"I'm fine," I pouted, and I heard him laugh a little, I would describe his laughter as warm chocolate. 

I scanned our surroundings and that's when I realized that we're at the hill side of our city, binitawan ko ang kamay ni Ivo at agad tumakbo sa cliff top. Here you can get the beautiful view of our city, I've never been in this area so I can't stop smiling. The whole city is shining so bright, bahagya mo ring maririnig ang mga busina ng ilang kotse. 

Ivo is standing beside me now, "Thanks" I say as I stare at the view. "Madalas ka ba dito?" 

"Minsan, when I needed to clear my head or when I need to cool down," he said softly. 

I wanted to know more about him pero there's a voice at the back of my head asking, "to what extent? and for what reasons?" 

After I saw what Polina is capable to do I shouldn't be here. Paano kung mas malala ang mga kayang gawin ni Ivo? Part of me is really curious and that curiosity didn't die even after what I saw that night but another part of me is giving me warnings. 

Idagdag ko pa ang mga sinabi ni Detective Michaels na that I'm caught in the middle of something big and I might be in danger doesn't really sit well with me. 

But I'm here, I don't know if it's because of the alcohol or something else but I'm here and for this moment that's what matters. 

I nodded at his answer and looked at the city again, "This view is really beautiful" I whispered to myself but I know he heard me and he nodded. 

"What's your favorite childhood memory?" Ivo asked and he inched closer to me, so close yet it's not enough. 

I smiled at him, "My family loves picnics. Back in my hometown, lagi kaming nagpi-picnic tuwing Sunday sa may lake malapit sa bahay namin. Then my father.." I paused, smiling at the memory of my father's face, "Lagi nya akong bubuhatin at ilalagay sa balikat nya then he'll run and I'll pretend that I'm flying" 

I stared at the city and its beautiful lights, "I miss being a kid you know," I glanced at Ivo and I realized that he's looking at me with an unreadable expression, his stare really warms me up for some unknown reason, I looked away from his stare and focused back at the city, "I miss being a kid were my only responsibilities were running around and laughing a lot. I used to wonder if the moon is really following me if Santa is going to visit on Christmas Eve when all cartoon shows are all innocent and sweet when the only thing you know to do is play."

 I want to go back being a kid, I'd do it in a heartbeat if I get a chance. 

Those picnics were really special to me and at the same time, it brings sad memories. "Then the accident happened." I paused for a long time staring at the city, "I don't remember much after the accident, one day I woke up that I'm moving here and then that's it." 

I don't remember how my parents' looked like. I have these vague memories of them in my dreams sometimes, but never a clear image. I asked Uncle Bern to describe my parents pero iniiba niya ang usapan minsan. 

At times, he will share a memory he had with them like when my father and mother got married. How happy he was for them. 

Pero kahit isang litrato ng mga magulang ko ay wala kang makikita sa loob ng bahay ni Uncle. I grew up imagining what my parents would look like. It did give me comfort some times pero nandoon pa rin yung pangungulila. 

I do feel jealous when I see complete families together strolling around the mall o kaya naman sa park. Celebrating birthdays, graduation, holidays, and failures together, but I remind myself every day how blessed I am to have Anthony and Uncle Bern with me. 

Matagal na walang nagsalita sa amin ni Ivo, he didn't ask about the accident and he didn't say sorry and I really appreciate it. All my life, I heard people saying they were sorry but I don't think they really are because they don't know how it feels. But, Ivo offered me his comforting silence and telling me that he understands and I don't need to say much if it's too hard for me.

I licked my lips, the coldness of the air feels like drying my lips, I looked at Ivo, "Every time, I closed my eyes I still hear it. The screams and the gunshots, everything" 

I don't know what possessed me to tell it to Ivo, but I shared some of my deepest thoughts to someone I don't know. I told him what I can't tell to everyone else's. 

I didn't tell anyone what happened that night, about Ivo, Polina, the guy in a mask and the haunting screams of those people who died. 

"I'm sorry," I smiled at him at umiling-iling. 

"Don't be sorry. Kasalanan ko naman, I had a choice to close my eyes and not watch it but I did and now I feel like I'm scarred for life" tumawa ako ng konti, "I haven't slept properly for the past days I might go mad soon," natawa ako sa sarili kong biro but Ivo didn't laugh, I wonder if he ever does. 

"And to make things interesting, may naglagay ng isang sunog na ulo ng isang tao sa unit ko and a detective just told me a few hours ago that I might be in danger because I trespassed a crime scene" 

"What?" Ivo asked and there's an angry tone in it. 

"Yeah, it's crazy" I replied. 

Ivo's face grew serious and he looks mad, "What's wrong?" I wonder if I said something wrong, I touched his shoulder. He looked at me in the eyes, he touched my right cheek with his hand and I closed my eyes because of the warm feeling his hand is giving. 

He didn't answer my question when I opened my eyes his angry expression is now gone as he looked at me, there's a softness in his eyes. I think I like it when he looks at me like that. Pakiramdam ko para sa akin lang ang mga tingin na iyon. 

"I'm going to help you sleep," natawa ako sa sinabi ni Ivo, hindi ko alam kung anong ibig nyang sabihin at kung paano nya ako matutulungan na makatulog. Heck, even my sleeping pills didn't work. 

"How? How are you going to do that?" ngise ko sa kanya at may halong pang-aasar ang tono ng boses ko pero hindi ko inaasahan ang mga salitang sunod nyang binitawan. 

"Sleep with me tonight,"

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