Chapter 30: Can't Live Without Him

I was about to say,” Thank you. I don't need it.” I looked up and saw Jonathan, smiling at me. His face was paler than usual. He couldn’t have slept well last night judging from the sight of his bloodshot eyes!

"Why are you crying?” he said as he leaned over to lift me, his body emitting the faint smell of alcohol and tobacco. I shook my head.

He wiped my tears with his sleeve and I looked at him. We were just separated for a night, but it was as if I hadn’t seen him for a year. I yearned for him. A voice in my heart told me: “One time, just one time. Let me feel the warmth of his embrace, let me remember his heartbeat, it was enough.”

I gave a long sigh and stepped back to suppress my sinful impulses. Unexpectedly, he opened his arms and held me. His heart was beating steadily, so pleasant! If I could choose, I certainly didn’t want him to die, because I couldn't live without him in my world!

"Desiree, you are the kindest girl I know!” he sighed softly.

Kind? He was wrong. No matter how much I hurt him, he would remember to make sure I have breakfast, to let people protect me, to shelter me on rainy days under the umbrella. Even though I adored him, I would think about stabbing a knife in his heart.

When he saw that I was not speaking, he patted me on the back and said, "Don't cry. Tomorrow I will arrange another performance for you where the princess falls in love with the devil and the prince with the black swan, and let them live happily together. Okay?” he said.

"Will the swan princess fall in love with a cruel demon?” I asked him.

"Certainly! If I were the scriptwriter, I would make it come true!” he exclaimed.

"Will you make the devil handsome, powerful and omnipotent?" I asked him again.

“I will make him more charming than the prince, " he added.

"Well! I'll expect to enjoy it!” I answered. Then I smiled and took his arm as if I took hold of the most soulful demon in the world!

It never occurred to me that the rainy day in my dream would become a reality where a man went for a walk with me in the rain, holding my hand under an umbrella as we walked. Unfortunately, that person was my enemy. I couldn’t satisfy him, and sooner or later, all I could bring him was a pain.

I pulled my hand away from him and stepped out from under his umbrella. He ran after me and grabbed my hand again. "You’d better give up," he shouted.

I used all my strength to cry, but my voice sounded so faint when I said, "I will never love you."

“You will!” he shouted.

"We are doomed for misery,” I told him. I wished there was no hatred between us, no lies. And if we lived our lives like that, even if there was no love, we would never separate!

It was what he couldn't give me because he killed my whole family. I sighed, instead of continuing, I changed the topic, "How did you get here?”

"When I called the driver, Tom, he said that you went to see a ballet. I planned to watch it with you, however, there was no admittance allowed once the performance began.

"You've been waiting for me here?” I asked him.

He smiled, putting his arm on my shoulder, and held me as he walked in and said, "I arranged an excellent piano teacher for you. By the way, remember to call to make an appointment before you go,” he said.

"Why?” I wanted to know. Why was he always so considerate towards me?

"I called to ask about your grades, you are doing well. It is only your music class which needs some improvement."

He smiled and touched my head, his voice full of adoration and said, "Everyone has his dream, I don't want to force you to do anything!"

"Do you have a dream?” I asked.

"Yes!” he smiled with self-mockery, looking at the cloudy sky, "My dream is to be a policeman!"

A bloody man said that his dream was to be a policeman. It was the most ridiculous joke I had ever heard.

Walking a few blocks aimlessly, I saw a poster: "Oh? Is it a movie?" I said. The picture on the poster was very unique, a woman sat on a bare man, with quite a sharp weapon in her hand behind her back. The man's hands were tied to the bed and he had an excited expression on his.

It was called instinct and was currently showing. I looked at Jonathan, who frowned slightly. I asked him, "Have you seen it?"

"I heard Troy speaking about it,” he said.

"I want to see it! I said, immediately. I thought he didn't hear me, so I repeated myself, "I want to see this movie!"

"Alright! “eventually he heard me and said, "I'll buy the tickets."

The ticket seller, a woman, glanced at me in my student clothes, she asked, "Upstairs or downstairs?"

"Well... Upstairs!" he said.

"Four hundred dollars,” she said.

"Four hundred dollars for a movie! So expensive?” I said. The theatre wasn’t regarded as a high-end one, but the expense would be enough to pay for my lunch for a whole month.

"It is not expensive!" Jonathan said.