Warmth

Only when I got up from the meadow did I notice all the dead people around me, all of them were covered in blood and I understood that it was my work. My hands were smeared with blood, the white dress I was wearing on my body was covered with red spots and I could still taste the blood on my lips, the metallic, slightly salty and yet sweet taste. The sweet smell was in the air and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it? Isn't that really me? No it was just a stupid dream, I'll learn and I'll control myself, I'll make it. I am not going to kill anyone. I promise myself that no one will ever die for my thirst. I know I can do it!

There is a knock on the door, which opens immediately. My mother peeks in. When she sees that I'm awake, she walks into the room.

"Hello Darling."

Like an angel, she slides over and sits down on the bed with me. Without another word, she hugs me tightly. The tears are rolling down my cheeks and I can't stop it. Again I cannot defend myself against my body. She breaks the silence. She knows very well that I am blaming myself. I told her months ago that my greatest fear is hurting someone. And now it has happened.

"Jenny, it's ok. The girl is fine. The wounds are insignificant and I told her to forget. It wasn't your fault. John should have warned his son beforehand. And I'm so sorry that I can't help you so much, but it's been so long for me that I can only vaguely remember how I got through it ... only one thing I know, I wasn't as strong as you at first, I have Unfortunately, I didn't defend myself against my nature. In my first days, many people lost their lives, which I very much regret today.

I just nodded. I feel uncomfortable when my mother talks about herself like that. Immediately the image from my dream pops up in my head. It was just a dream for me so far, my mum really did these things. I drive away these thoughts again.

I know Ma doesn't like to talk about all the 'vampire things'. Because she hated herself for being a murderer. I'm sure she's just as reluctant to be a vampire as I am. But it's me now. A vampire. And hardly knows anything about us.

"There will be dinner soon."

She says when you get up. Kisses me on the forehead and then leaves the room.

> Jenny, it's just a phase, you can get through that. <

I say to myself with renewed confidence. I swing my body off the bed and run into the bathroom. I promptly jump into the shower, because I still have dried blood on my face and body, which I unfortunately only notice now. Well, I have to think positively, the others are right, it could have been worse. After the warm shower I put on fresh sweatpants and a spaghetti top and dare to leave my room. To join the others in shame.

Mum, John and Conner, whom I can only really look at now, are sitting at the large dining table, why do vampires even have a dining table? Will I still like normal food even if my vampire side is completely awake? So Conner clearly still seems to taste it, because he literally stuffs the piece of pizza into his throat as if it is him eating.

And despite that he looks very sexy with it, his light brown hair, falling into his unbranded, masculine face and his ice-blue eyes probably every woman under his spell. But not me! I sat down in silence in the open space where I had been sitting the days before. And lowered my gaze to the table.

"Do you want a piece or a glass?"

It comes from Conner, who sits across from me, asking.

"Emm .."

I am not sure what I want.

"Conner stop asking such stupid questions, of course she wants blood and not the stuff you call 'food'."

John intervened and handed me a red-filled, fragrant glass at the same time. What I accept with joy and hate.

"Thanks, but I would like a piece of pizza too ?!"

I say almost questioningly, followed by a big grin with a slice of Conner pizza. And a somewhat annoyed John plants himself back in his place. After dinner I go up to my room again, where I watch a film repeatedly. It's so boring and overwhelming to do the same boring stuff over and over again. I think about myself until a few questions about my new existence occur to me and I really want to have them answered. Hmmm if I can ask Conner? John said yes I should turn to him. Well it's worth a try, it won't cost me anything and we'll have to have a conversation anyway, after all, we live together. Before I've even made up my mind to go to him, I'm already standing in the hallway. I search for his room. The door but one to the right of mine, that should be his as far as I remember it correctly. I knock. Wait patiently for a response. But nothing comes back. I put my palms flat on the door and press my ear against it. Nothing to hear. Would it be very bold to peek in there? Why not? I knocked. There's nothing wrong with it when I take a quick look. Carefully, I open the door. To my surprise, I can't see it anywhere. Should I go into his room without being asked or not? After a moment's hesitation, the decision has been made. Go in! A nasty grin spreads across my face (I love doing forbidden things). I curiously explore the space in front of me. The evening sun shines through the large window into the room and illuminates it. His room is very neat and it smells nice and fresh. An old box that stands on a newfangled chest of drawers immediately catches my eye and my curiosity. I can't pull myself together and I really want to open it. So I walk up to the box and put my hand on it. Hesitantly I turn the little lock. But before I can open it, a voice suddenly sounds behind me. 

"Honey, haven't you been taught not to snoop on other people's things?"

My body jerks up. How embarrassing, he caught me browsing.

"I even sniff ..."

Just as I want to defend myself, I turn in his direction and keep moving. There is a half-naked Conner in front of me. Only wearing a brown towel that is wrapped around her waist. My eyes widen. I unconsciously take a deep breath and keep it. Body covered with wet hair and water droplets, he tilts his head questioningly. I try to compose myself again. To detach my eyes from him. Then finally manage to continue speaking.

"not at all."

I finish my started sentence. He looks at me urgently, raises an eyebrow and continues in a mocking tone.

"Oh, and then what do you call it that you come into my room without being asked and pick up my things?"

His fingers go up to his head. At the hairline they deepen into his wet hair and slide backwards in slow motion. Some water droplets fall from his hair. He's still eagerly waiting for my explanation. I feel weird to see him like that. Never before have I been alone in a room with an almost naked man. Strangely, it makes me nervous. I look at my hands, which are starting to tremble slightly, so I don't have to look at him anymore.

"I'm sorry I knocked but you didn't answer, so I thought I could see where you are."

I take a look and look him in the face. His hand is still in his hair. Now a dirty grin spreads on his lips. Its dimples appear again. A slight shiver runs down my spine. His eyes look like danger. He looks at me from above are below. As if he were on the hunt and I was the prey.

"May I ask what is the reason for your visit to me?"

He asks in an arrogant voice. His hand slide down and he hopefully supports both of them on one hip.

"I wanted to talk to you."

I answer briefly.

"Talking? It's a shame."

His gaze normalizes again. He scratches his head with one hand. Exhaled loudly and continues.

"About what?"

Now it comes from him bored. I just don't believe it. What does he think what I want in his room? He can't believe I'm going to hop into the box with him. But his body language signaled just that.

"Really, you are a pig! Do you think I didn't understand your hints? I'd rather go now!"

Outraged, I am about to leave the room. Without giving him another look. He doesn't get another confirmation from me that something triggers me to see him like that. I stomp in the direction of his door. As I push past him, he gently grabs my wrist and prevents me from leaving. My heart is beating faster than it has been all days before. He turns me in his direction with such ease that I have to look at him. His face suddenly radiates a warmth as he begins to speak.