BAB XII

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I also don't know who I am. There is no fear at all with what I do every day. I can resist pain, cold, hunger, and thirst. I can endure punches, slaps, and stabbing without screaming. I also wonder who I am. And when other people ask that, I want to ask them back, who am I?

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"What?" He turned to Stella. As I expected, Stella just stared at him and ignored me. Maybe it's because Stella didn't listen to what we were talking about.

 "LIE!"

"Whatever. Now you want to jump in? Why do many young people like to waste their future? Don't you have a purpose in life? Huh?"

While talking, I continued to approach him. He realized my tactic and chose to keep retreating on the edge of the roof, which only measures 40cm. The sound of sirens began to ring, and the steps of the people running towards the eastern building were getting closer. There is no time, the first lesson bell will start, and Yona will soon see this. I don't want her talking about this to Aunt Kim. She would have been surprised if I did something this brave.

I used to get into a fight with some of the market thugs. She was terrified while scolding me for not acting recklessly. She says I am a girl. Must be able to stay away from violence. She also regretted how I got so many wounds. And she told me to live in everyday life and change into a new person. So that in the future, whatever I remember later, I will at least ever feel happy when I lose my memory.

Her advice was a little striking. She is right. I realized every wound I received. Every scratch and stitch marks will forever reside in my body. Unfortunately, I can't remember why these wounds were on my body. The more I looked, the darker the facts seemed.

For that, my aunt warned me that life would forget the past. Then I have to find my happiness. But the thing is, the more I want to forget, the stronger the memories come back.

I ... started to feel uncertain.

Until there are no more steps back from him, I run closer. Hugged him, and we fell to the floor. It started to struggle, but I managed to hold it back with my firm grip on its two solid arms.

"You can't die! How hard is your life, rest assured you still have a second chance! If you fail, there is still a third chance !! Fourth, and so on. There are no problems that are resolved just because you kill yourself! Precisely the people you leave behind will get into trouble with your action. "

Mark froze. Stella was gaping at my actions and my words. Slowly I let go of my grip, then sat in front of him. Heaved a sigh of relief as Mark started to cry, hiccupping like a child. Stella came closer and gave a massive blow to her head - irritated.

"I'm still afraid to die after being rejected by her. It makes me even more unable to think clearly. That's why I ..."

The reason makes my stomach tingle, even though I can't feel it. Finally, I couldn't stop my laughter. Stella returned to throw her words louder because she felt the same way as me. Doing silly things for the sake of stupid-minded foolish people wanting to end their life because their love rejected them. The world is so narrow.

"FALL INTO THE SEA!" Stella growled. I grinned away from the roof.

The first lesson bell rang. Mark was secured. Hans was waiting for me in front of the class. Made me blink my eyes in surprise then tried to back off regularly. His long legs caught me too late, and wrapped my head into the circle of his arms while ruffling the hair that I had tidied up in the toilet.

"Want to die, huh? What was that about? Standing like a bird without fear! You make me worry, Sora!" he said like he wanted to cry.

I looked up at his face. I saw the small grains on the tail of his eyes. He let go of his arms and then pinched my cheeks, "Don't do anything silly again. I have a heartache seeing you standing like that."

I let out a soft sigh with one nod at him.

"Do not worry. I won't die just from falling from - "

"Enough! Don't continue, "he annoyed. I nodded again while apologizing to him.

Again... I thought, what did I do wrong to apologize?

“Come on in. The bell rest later, you wait for me. "

"Okay."

His pale face was now colored again. He then left me in the quiet classroom corridor. Several students monitor us. And some of their gazes seemed to take turns evaluating me. I don't know what their assessment of me is.

Maybe some realized my reckless action earlier. And some, perhaps judging my relationship with Hans, the popular student in this school.

I have no idea.

Seeing him continually worrying about me made something stuck in his chest. I don't know. And that makes me even more tortured.

***  

Because of the incident earlier, I became a conversation in class. Some students who previously ignored me now came over to me, saying that I looked calm and brave. The Stella gang member who used to live with me was also getting scared every time we made eye contact. However, what didn't change was Yona's cynical gaze, who was increasingly ignoring me every day.

"Hi. That was cool earlier! " said a female student who looked beautiful because she liked to dress up. Like her other colleagues, they even gave me lots of snacks as an introductory greeting.

"Thank you," I replied awkwardly.

I glanced at Yona, who was such a contrast to my situation. She sat alone without friends. Looks restless while staring at her cell phone repeatedly. One of the beautiful fellow girls named Exel noticed my gaze. She chirped, commenting on Yona, who she considered pathetic because she had no friends.

“Don't look at her or make friends with her. She's a lousy girl, "she said. Hearing her say that pissed me off. I left them huddled in front of my desk, following Yona, who came out of the classroom.

Where is the girl going? Isn't a class starting soon? - I muttered.

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continued