Chapter One

Lonely, I'm so lonely. 

I have nobody. 

I'm on my own.... 

The lyrics of the song playing on the stereo captured my mood, exactly the way I felt. Lonely and restless. The same Bayo who promised to be there for me, is the same Bayo giving me attitude. I felt so stupid, I am to blame though, I gave him the chance to break down my wall of defense. And when I look back to how he received all my snubs and insults with equanimity before I gave in to him. I just call myself stupid. I thought he loved me as he earlier proclaimed, but I didn't realize I was being played, He just had a sweet mouth. I was deceived, I found out late, even though I still find it hard to accept and believe. 

I knew my Father has a role to play in him agreeing to marry me, I can't help but imagine what my father offered him, is it money? Or was he threatened? A little part of me wants to believe he married me for love. 

I cuddled my legs to my chest as I shifted to my sides on the three seater I was lying on in the dark sitting room, I intentionally switched off the lights, so everything could fit up with my mind that was already getting dark. 

What happened to "Hadiza, I can go to any extent for you" How can I forget our late night calls, stolen kisses and romantic dates. 

Every words he said to me kept replaying over and over again. Tears blinded my eyes and everything became blurry, the first hiccup came through and I had to tighten my hands into a tight fist, biting hard on it as if that would take away the pain, my heart hurts badly, the pain grows everyday and worsens anytime I set my eyes on Bayo which is obviously everyday. 

Is it a wrong thing to be in love ? is it a crime to give love a chance? Everything ended when he found out I was pregnant. No more calls, No texts, less conversations, No letters, No poems, he blocked me from his life.  We became strangers in our home.

I wiped my face hurriedly, as I heard the familiar horn of his car and the noise the gates make when it's being opened. His smooth tenor voice can be heard as he discussed with Lukman the gateman. I counted five Mississippi's before the door opened. 

My adrenaline did the usual summersault at the sight of Bayo. His bald shinning head, his full beards, muscular frame. Everything spelt hotness. Being a sucker for always looking good made him respectable in the eyes of women, that sometimes I get jealous of the attention ladies shower on him. My eyes lingered on his black lips, those lips that drives me crazy and turns me into a marshmallow. I've always had a crush on Mide in skinny girl in transit, having Bayo then as a true lover was like having a Mide of my own. 

I felt like throwing my whole self on him and biting his lips, but I just had to caution and restrain myself. It hurts, it hurts badly.

"How was your shift" I asked, sitting up and slipping my feet into my flip-flops. Full bright light illuminated the room as he turned on the light, making me squint my eyes to adjust to the brightness of the light, it took a few seconds before my eyes got accustomed to the light.

"We thank God" he replied, not even sparing me a glance. 

"I cooked dinner " I whispered softly, hoping he will be hungry today. 

"Not hungry" He replied, walking away. 

"Bayo, what happened to us? " I asked, following him.

"What us Hadiza? This marriage is just a paper thing, it's the only thing keeping us together and the baby inclusive, nothing more, just give it a rest, forget whatever happened in the past, You are free to do whatever you want, get a man to satisfy your needs" 

I gasped, his last statement pricking my heart like a needle.

"Do you hate me that much? " I asked, shaking my head in absolute disbelief.

"What did I do to deserve all this treatment?  What happened to you? What happened to us? What happened to our love story?" I added, clutching my burning heart.

"There's no love story, there was no love story, us doesn't exist Hadiza, I need to freshen up" he said with an air of finality. 

Unrequited love they say is a terrible feeling, but what of a wavering love? 

What if someone who once loved you, suddenly falls out of love for you and you find it difficult to fall out of that love. It hurts, it hurts badly than a bandage ripped out of an open wound. 

Only one thing joined I and Bayo together, believe me when I say it's not love.