Death and Rebirth

It was exactly five years ago today. Yesternight was a hectic one, Family members were all over the house, everyone with bright smiles and cups in their hands. It was an August meeting that happened after the new year. Despite the cloud of happiness that sat over the entire house, I still felt like something or rather someone was missing, Jerry! I struck my head with my palm in disgust of myself.

The sun had risen so early and brightly. I woke up with a heavy headache like I had partied all night and drunk a whole cellar of wine, which by the way I don't like alcohol or prehaps I'm  just too young. But that didn't stop the birds from chirping loudly and the  dog from barking at them because he couldn't catch them. The sound coming from the street hawkers, which by the way I always wondered "How did they get into the estate?". The noisy school bus honking at early hours and the sound of the badly repaired generator coming from my neighbor's compound. It was the first day of a new semester in school and I was already feeling weird. I rushed to the bathroom to do the needful, greeted mom and dad. I asked how Jay was and remembered I hadn't said my prayers - damn!.

Jay is my older brother and best  friend, and sadly he's been in the Hospital for about 2 weeks now. I couldn't go over to visit him because I'm scared of the hospital and dead bodies, it makes me shiver to my feet. "He's fine" Graciela said.... _Graciela

is my stubborn younger sister_  you haven't had the time to visit him at the hospital yet?? She added. I gave her that death glare before she continued with that annoying sentence of me being a bad person and the most disasterous person which sometimes makes me feel like an outcast or adopted. I left so early for school with joy in my heart and that smile everyone says I should keep wearing but anger in my heart.

Nine hours, thirty nine minutes and fifty seconds later, the school bell rang, School was over for the day. I rushed home to test the new game dad bought for me for making my papers. 'Such a bright young lad' he'd always say. Though I couldn't wait to test my new game, I just couldn't help but feel bad because Jerry wasn't there. We would have spent hours fighting over who was going to play it first and NEPA would have helped us settled things in their usual way of taking the power out.

Suddenly there was a loud scream. It was coming from Graciela, my heart leapt as she ran out from the living room screaming, "My brother is dead!" What brother? My head was spinning so fast. Neighbours had to rush out. "He was fine when we last spoke this afternoon", a voice said. "They were hoping to discharge him tomorrow", another said. 

"I can't believe this is happening, what a shocking story!" 

"So that's how that fine young man has left this world-tufikwa!" 

"Oh what a sad ending, he's still young!" 

All these statements ringing in my head like a tape from an old stereo player. 

My brain couldn't process it all at once and I couldn't believe my ears, I felt dizzy as tears slowly ran down my cheeks with a smile on my face. The first few steps for me felt like I was in space; everywhere felt empty. Slowly, I tried to gain my balance but ended up falling from the stairs. I blacked out.

"He's waking up.. shhhhhh" I heard someone say. 

"All these faces seem strange to me, what am I doing on the floor? I had the most horrifying nightmare." I said so loudly as I shrugged hands off me and smiled, but I wasn't getting any in return. I didn't know why there was a crowd in my house. Looking much closer, there was sadness written all over their faces like they were telling me my nightmare was a reality. 

I ran out of the house with tears in my eyes; ran till I couldn't anymore. Blisters and bruises was all I could see, tell and feel but who was I going to talk to? So I don't believe I said anything while running away. 

"He can't be dead!!" I screamed at the emptiness. 

The next few hours were silent. Mom was at the hospital, maybe to sign the certificate. I walked to the church,

I wanted to ask God why He took my brother away from me. He was my only hope.

Sitting alone at the right extreme end facing the pulpit, a church worker came to me telling me all would be fine.

How did he know? 

I guess bad news flies faster than time itself.

I felt the need to smash a bottle on his head while he talked. 

Why is God like this? I asked but didn't get any answer.. 

I couldn't bear the noise from the church so I walked back home. Dad's car was parked roughly in the garage, Voices and whispers were all I could hear. I walked in sternly, had a deadly look to every stare.

I ran upstairs and locked my door. Slowly the voices fades and whispers became low. So I came downstairs--- probably for attention.

"Hey young lad." Dad called. I ignored him and slowly walked out of the house. As I got to the front yard, I noticed a rope hanging off the wall. 

I laughed devilishly like I'd lost control of my mind. I took the rope and began thinking of how I was going to end my pain, then I heard mom say, "He's broken, he shouldn't have known.

I don't want to lose him too, I might die if I do.

I'd never seen mom in tears so it broke me. I cried till my eyes became bloodshot, walked back into house and tried to find a place. 

Tonight I feel like I've walked a million miles, my exercise app would be so proud of my journey today. Of course it has no feelings, so it wouldn't know I'm in so much pain that I can't just sit in one place.