Chapter 15

Here I am, waking with nightmares about a fractured past because of Them. It’s hard to trust these Others here when I’m constantly reminded of Them. Every time I see the Others here, I think of what these things are capable of.

A small part of me wants to trust what Abel claims, and an even larger part of me just wants something to look forward to again. I want something or someone I can count on, even though I fear that idea just as much.

If I get close to people, I could get burned like the last time. Or I could burn them. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to the people I cared about again. I’m not saying these Others will become my friends or that I’ll eventually care for them, but maybe it’s possible. Maybe it’s not.

My rumbling stomach distracts me. After untangling myself from my perfect, tiny alcove, I stand and peer around the area. Empty. Still alone.

I release the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Perhaps this hideaway wasn’t entirely perfect after all. My body aches from the position I curled into, and my joints pop and crack as I stretch.

I wander off to the kitchen to scrounge up some food, eyes on my surroundings the entire time.

After a short walk, I finally stop in front of the kitchen door. I suck in a deep breath and encourage myself. I can do this. Perhaps the kitchen is deserted anyway and I’m stressing for nothing. I cautiously move inside.

Startled, I pull to a stop. Elaine is standing in front of me with a pleased grin on her face. She says, “I thought I heard you. Come and eat, there’s plenty.”

How she knew I was coming is beyond me. I’ll dwell on that detail later. For now, I’ll grab some food and get out of here.

Without another word, she turns to a metal box and rummages around inside. 

Before I can voice the question in my head, Elaine speaks up. “You haven’t seen this storage unit before, right?” What makes her think that? Why is she so sharp? At my brisk shake of my head, she becomes thoughtful. “Well, it’s a storage unit for food, meats, and dairy. It’s got electricity running though it so it keeps the food cold inside, and helps them last longer. It’s called a refrigerator.”

She opens the door wide and steps back to let me see inside. It has four shelving units with two small drawers on the bottom. How interesting. How does a metal box produce cold air?

We had electricity in my village, but it was reserved for the Elders and families in the center rings of town. Even then, the electricity was for practical things like lights and simple machinery. Never for a box like this… this refrigerator. The mechanics behind the box baffles me.

I take a cursory glance around the kitchen and find a wraparound counter with a small sink, extending along the wall to the right and the back. The trash compartment sits in the corner between the counter and refrigerator. A small table and two chairs sit in the corner on the other wall by the door. An open doorframe stands next to the refrigerator, and opens up into a large dinning space. 

I stand back and wait for Elaine to finish whatever she was doing. Ideally, she’ll grab what she came for and leave. I can then make a quick grab for some food, and head back to my alcove. Just my luck though, it doesn’t look as though Elaine plans on leaving anytime soon. Instead, she simply moves to one side of the counter, and leans against it.

The light in her eyes dims as a sad look crosses her face. Part of me is tempted to ask, but the larger part of me doesn’t care. What business is it of mine if she’s unhappy? Besides, it’s not like she’ll tell me. I’ve dealt with enough shit in my life to know in most cases it’s better not to ask. If they wanted you to know, you’d know.

I ignore her stare and eye the food she laid on the counter instead. I flinch as a fruit flies at me. The large purple alpoh drops to the floor with a thud. I glance up at Elaine sharply, only to find her face apologetic. It’s so unexpected, I’m taken aback. It’s not like it hurt me, or anything. She mutters out a small and meek, “Sorry,” before looking down.

Uncomfortable and unsure of what to say, I change the subject. “Can I grab anything I want?”

She turns around and smiles brightly. This girl’s mood changes so quickly it’s giving me whiplash. You’d think I’d just sold her a village or something.

I watch her nervously. She looks like she wishes to move closer, when she takes a small step in my direction. I will my expression to be as harsh and unyielding as possible to deter her.

Elaine merely places her hands behind her back. “Of course. I pulled out a bit of everything for you. I’m not sure what you like, but I figured this was a start. Help yourself. I’ll also keep you company while you eat. Ask me anything you want.”

That’s what I was afraid of, company. Unsure of what to say to combat that, I settle for keeping quiet. The sooner I grab something to eat, the sooner I can leave. I move forward and notice Elaine taking a seat at the table.

Ignoring her, I slowly pursue my choices. It’s been so long since I had the luxury of choosing that I take my time. I make sure to look over everything before settling on a plate of treli, a grilled dish with starches and vegetables, along with berka meat. This meal reminds me so much of home that I hesitated choosing it. I refuse to show any weakness while an Other is here.

With my plate filled, I pull out the chair opposite Elaine, scooting it as far back as possible without being obvious. She sits there with a simple glass of water, looking pleased. Opting to ignore her presence, I reach for the fork.

I stare at the plate in front of me, contemplating my next move. Is the food poisoned? Does it have needles in it? I don’t know if it’s entirely safe to eat, but I want it to be. After what feels like an eternity of staring and drooling, movement across the table draws my attention.

Elaine reaches forward as I jerk back. Her hands close around another fork and she loads it with food from my plate. I’m tempted to growl, no one touches my food, ever. It’s mine and only mine, I don’t do well with sharing. Before I can snarl out an angry retort, realization dawns. Her hand freezes right before her mouth. Once my attention rests solely on her, she brings the food the rest of the way to eat. Once she swallows the bite, she places the empty fork down. She smiles gently, gesturing to my plate. Still, I don’t move.

Elaine moves to the refrigerator once more. She fills a glass with water and takes a small sip. She places the glass next to me, then gestures to my plate again.

I can’t take it anymore. I shovel in a mouthful of food. After the first bite, I pause and wait. Not feeling any different, I pile the rest into my mouth, hardly pausing to breathe. In no time, my plate is clean and Elaine replaces it with another helping.

I glance up in surprise, and she looks amused. I demolish the second plate as well, then gingerly lean back and place a hand on my swollen tummy. It’s full for the first time in a very long while.

I’m so glad it wasn’t poisoned. That would have been cruel, even for the Others. You shouldn’t tease someone with food only to brutally take that option away. I silently thank the Gods.

I still can’t believe she tested it for me first. How had she known that’s why I hesitated? It could have been any number of things. Perhaps it was simply a luckily guess, but my gut tells me otherwise. Another detail to push aside.

I mumble out a quick “thank you.” Her smile nearly breaks her face, it’s that wide. She looks so ridiculously happy, and it makes me feel like shit for being an ass before.

 She takes my thanks as an opportunity to make small talk. “You ate so fast! I don’t even think you were breathing at one point. From the looks of it, I’d say you enjoyed it though?”

I mumble out a clipped yes before glancing away.

“That’s great. The kitchen is always stocked with food. Please help yourself whenever you’re hungry,” she continues, her words rushed. She probably thinks I’m going to run away. “If you want a specific meal, just ask Lenny. He’s the cook around here and he’s amazing. Whatever you want, he can make. You’ll like it here, you’ll see. We are all kind people here, Alanna, and my room is just three doors down from yours so we can talk whenever you need to. There’s….” she trails off as I stand and clear my dishes.

She quickly rushes over and takes them from me. I flinch slightly at the close contact. She either didn’t see or chooses to ignore it, but either way, I’m grateful. Despite my feelings about the Others here, she was kind when she didn’t have to be, even after my attitude towards her.

She quietly says, “I’ll take care of this stuff. You can go take a look around, or meet some of the other talnarins here.” 

I manage another small ‘thanks’ before leaving. I end up back in the room and, thankfully, manage to avoid contact with anyone on the way. I lock the door and sit down with my back to the door, bow still in hand.