Chapter 4

I can’t stop the memory no matter how hard I try.

I step over the boundary line and stumble to the gate. I’m finally home. With a pull, the gate swings open. The loud bang causes everyone nearby to glance up in surprise. I’m home.

Gasps resound through the silent air. Before I can utter a sound, a rock is thrown my way. I flinch and raise my arms over my head in confusion. The rock harmlessly hits the ground near my bare feet.

“Wait! It’s just me! It’s Alanna! Don’t throw anymore. Please. I’m back, I’m home.” Cautiously, I raise my head at the silence that greets me.

I cringe at the faces of the small gathering of villagers, thirty paces away. I understand the fear and confusion in their eyes, but the disgust prevalent on their faces is unexpected. I don’t understand. Why aren’t they happy to see me? Where are my parents? My sister? My brother?

I open my mouth to ask but am cut short by the sudden clamor of voices all yelling at once.

“Abomination!”                                                                                                          

“Why did you come back?”

“Leave!”

“What are you?”

“Monster!”

The villagers throw more rocks, and this time, they connect with my bruised and bloody skin. I hiss in pain and hunch over to try to protect my tender flesh. Silent tears tread down my battered face and sting my cuts. I don’t understand. What do they mean? Why are they doing this to me? I finally came home.

Not knowing what else to do, I plead in hopes they will hear me over their screams. “I just wanted to come home. I know I shouldn’t have left and I’m sorry. I’ve learned my lesson. Please. Please don’t make me go. I can’t. They’ll kill me. I just want my parents. I just want my family.” 

Abruptly I’m grabbed in a fierce hug. Someone holds me from behind while the other grips me from my front. Startled, I struggle to free myself. I still the instant I hear their pained murmurs of assurance.

My struggles cease and my body sags in their arms. Great heaving sobs wrench from my body as I grip them like a lifeline. I bury my head in my father’s chest as my mother strokes my hair.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m sorry,” I cry.

My mom shushes me, while my dad rumbles out, “We’ve missed you so much. It’s okay now. We love you. You’re home, you’re safe now. You’re okay, sweetheart. We’ve got you now. We love you. We will get you home. We’ll dress your wounds. We’ll feed you. You can bathe and relax. Gods, we’ve missed you. Don’t worry about the villagers. They’ll come around. Your mother and I will talk to the elders. There’s nothing for you to worry about. You’re safe. No matter what happens, we have you. It’s okay.”

We cling to each other for mere seconds before the crowd becomes too hard to ignore. I slowly raise my head from my dad’s shoulder and inhale a shaky breath. I will my tears to stop, but still they fall. I grip my dad’s arm and mom’s hand like a lifeline and turn to face the mob. They said they would take care of the town. It’s going to be okay now. Everything will be fine.

“It’s not her!”

“It’s not possible!”

“It’s monstrous!”

“How could you!”

“Go away!”

The shouts and screams become louder, more frequent, and my parents start shouting back. Frightened, I cower behind my parents in hopes this will all end soon. It’s too much. I just wanted to come home. I nearly jump out of my skin at the feel of arms wrapping around my stomach and shoulders. I yank at the hands and try to pull free in panic.

My mom turns at the motion and gently touches my cheek. “It’s just Anya and Andre. It’s okay, you’re okay. Calm down. Just breathe.” I turn my head and look up. Sure enough, Andre is towering over me with red misty eyes. I reach towards him with my now free hands, but fall short. Unable to move any further due to the death grip around my waist. I gently pat Anya’s hands and speak softly.

“Anya, let go. Let go, Anya. I need to turn. Anya.” I pause and wait for my release. After nothing happens, I try a different approach. “Anya, I need to see you. Please.”

Slowly the grip loosens and her arms fall away. I turn and peer down at my little sister and grip her in an equally tight hug despite the strain on my body. I raise my left arm and pull Andre to me. The three of us squeeze until we can’t breathe. A hand grips my shoulder and another grips my arm. My parents. No more words are spoken, none are needed. For the first time since that night, peace settles inside my bones once more. I pray to the Gods to never let this moment end. But I should have known it wouldn’t last.

I inhale sharply as the memory disappears as suddenly as it came. I touch my face and sure enough, my cheeks are wet from my tears. Praying was useless, I know that now. The Gods never lifted a finger to help me, never cared about one small, insignificant human.

They say there are five Gods residing in sacred Valina. Nerio, the god of creation and life, is the most powerful of the five. He is founder and father of our world and our people. Nerio is impartial to the life he creates, preferring his siblings to oversee us all. How one can be impartial to beings he brings to life is strange to me, even if he is a God. They say He never interferes in the lives of those who he creates, merely observes our paths in life.

The other four siblings are equal, having been ‘put in their place’ by the eldest and strongest. No one knows when they arrived on Bylir or when they established the hierarchy they abide by. These Gods have simply been around since our beginning, or so we’re told.

The God of mercy and love is Freal. He’s a kind, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving being. Freal is responsible for the joys in life; he gave us the gift of compassion. Personally, what I find happiness with in this world is of my own doing. No God has a role in the feelings I have. 

The Goddess of trickery and misfortune is called Hedra. She has a penchant for revenge. Petty and unforgiving, she deals back ten-fold to those she deems unworthy. And those she does deem worthy? Well, they’re few are far between, or so say the stories. Hedra does have a more playful side, and enjoys a good laugh at the expense of others.

Ramic is the God of death and pain and, as one might assume from his title alone, is terrifying. He is known as the harbinger of death and disease. That’s not to say Ramic enjoys slaughtering innocents and inflicting pain of the unsuspecting. He is also known to be somewhat soft hearted at times, and has taken pity on humans before.

Finally, there is Sonya, Goddess of wisdom and arts. They say she is the reason we have our own thoughts and desires. Sonya grants each individual human their own will and talents.

So where were these magnificent, all-powerful Gods when I was suffering? Where were they when my village was suffering? Where the fuck were they when my family was suffering?

The memories of my family are the hardest ones to bare. I’d lose myself in those happy memories if I could; I just want to remember them and wither away.

But I can’t let myself do that. Not yet. I need to end Them first. After all, that’s why I ran in the first place. I need to get stronger.

I don’t know what my power is exactly or why I have it, but I need to control It. I need to harness It and I need to destroy them with It. I almost forgot my mission. My purpose. Now the vengeance is back. Stronger than before. I won’t forget again.         

I pull myself from the darkening thoughts, needing to concentrate on my survival. I can’t afford to get lost in my head. Staring at the newcomer I realize in my daze I missed parts of the conversation Lori and the guard were having.

“…I can’t just let her go free Lori, you know that. I want to help you, I do, but I will be the one punished when they find her gone tomorrow morning. Don’t ask this of me.”

As I look closer, I realize the guard bears a faint resemblance to Lori. Same dark hair and same light eyes. He is much taller than she and has a sterner face. He’s too young to be her father, but might be her brother.

“But, Frank, she hasn’t done anything to deserve this sentence. You know that. I mean, look at the poor thing.” They both snap their heads in my direction, and their eyes fill with identical pity. Definitely siblings. “She’s nothing more than skin and bones. Her wounds are open and still bleeding. She looks as if death will come for her in seconds. She came to our village for help and what did we do? We threw her in the cells and sentenced her to death for just trying to survive like the rest of us. Help her. Help me. Otherwise, you will have to live with the conscience of having a hand in killing this poor thing.”

Frank looks to Lori once more, face softening marginally. Lori smiles sweetly and pulls him into a swift hug. “Thank you. Thank you. No one will know you helped us. I promise.” 

Releasing the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, I sway slightly on my feet and reach for the wall for balance. Frank steps back through the door with Lori following close behind. I grit my teeth, and follow. 

Making it out the door, I find the lantern has been snuffed out. I assume it’s so we can make a break away in the shadows of the night. Makes sense I suppose, even though we won’t be able to see either. Somehow, I spot Lori roughly thirty paces out. She motions to me to hurry and I quicken my steps. As I near her side, she silently takes off behind the nearest building.

Edging along the wall, we make our way past the first ring to the second. In no time, we have reached the outskirts of town. Lori breaks into the tree line and stops suddenly.

I try to stop myself in time but don’t quite manage it. I lightly bump into the pack across Lori’s back. I hesitantly peek around her shoulder to see what the holdup is. She suddenly whirls around, her bag clipping my shoulder, causing me to stumble. I raise my arms over my head in a snap and flinch. After a slight pause, I glance up. She is once again watching me with those eyes full of pity. It angers me. I don’t need pity.

Unsure of her intentions, I keep my arms at my face just to be safe. She sighs softly and drops the bag to the ground as quietly as possible. She also reaches across to pull the bow and quiver free, then presents them to me in silence.

Confused and hesitant, I slowly extend my arm. Prepared to pull back immediately, I grip the bow and retreat.. I swiftly pull them over my back and secure the weapon. Next, she hands me the pack, but I wait to put it on. I’m too weak to carry it long term; I’ll put it on when I’m ready to leave.

She ruffles in her packet and pulls out some parchment. She opens it and thrusts it in my face. Startled, I pull back. She whispers so quietly I have to strain my ears to hear her words, “Take this map. I have marked where you are now and where Craforian is. At a decent pace, you should reach the town in about a week. Again, tell them I sent you, alright?”

When I don’t respond, she continues on. “I also mapped where a nearby cave is so you can rest easy for the night. Don’t worry about anyone coming for you. You’re not worth the effort.” I cringe. Ouch. “There’s enough food for the trip in the pack, plus a little extra to help you regain your energy. There are basic camping supplies for you too. I took the liberty of providing you with a change of clothes and some medical supplies to hold you over until you reach Craforian. Good luck and don’t forget to tell them who sent you. I hope to see you again.” Without a moment’s pause, she disappears back into the village.

Despite the less than civil things she said, I was going to thank her. After all, she did help me get out, even if only for her benefit. Well, too late for thanks now. I attempt to study the map in the darkness with no luck. Even with my eyes adjusted, I can only make out vague shapes.

I briefly search the outside of the pack, hoping for an attached light. Success. I carefully shoulder my pack and click on the light. With a quick glance, I note my location and my destination. I head for the cave hidden in the dol forest and don’t look back once.