Chapter 5

I finally found it.

It had taken a little over two hours to make the hike to the cave. The pack and my wounds severely slowed me down. I flip on the small light and survey the cave that will be my home for the next couple days. The outside is inconspicuous, and had it not been marked on the map, I would have overlooked it completely. The only entrance appears to be the small cutaway of rock along the cliff face. Luckily, it’s a large enough hole to allow me and the pack to comfortably move through hunched over. I make my way inside.

About twenty paces in, the entire cave expands to the size of a large meeting hall. The inside is much larger than the entrance and could easily house thirty people. There is a small fire pit in the center of the area with a stack of wood to the left. There is also cloth neatly folded to the far left along the wall and a bucket, with what appears to be water in it. My first order of action is to get the fire started.

Setting down the pack to grab a few chunks of wood from the bundle, I lay them in the pit. I discover a box of matches and flint to the side of the stack, managing to get the fire going in a few short minutes. Soon, the cave is filled with warm firelight, and I switch off my flashlight to save the batteries.

I rummage through the pack and lay everything across the floor carefully. There is enough food for a week, which I can extend if I’m conservative with my portions. With the bow, I now have another route for fresh meat, if my hunting is decent enough. Along with the food is a water bladder. Refilling it shouldn’t be a problem if I stick to the streams or rivers in the map I have.

Just like Lori said, I also find a change of clothes, two pairs of socks, and a pair of boots stuffed inside. It’s a simple tan cotton shirt and a pair of worn cloth pants. Inside is also a warm blanket, and a small cloth bundle. I slip the ties loose and peer inside the package. Bandages, cloth, and salve are safely nested inside.

Deciding my wounds are a priority, I pull out the bandages and medicine. I slowly strip the remains of the rags off my exhausted body. After the painstaking process, I reach for the pail of water in the corner and a square of clean cloth. I move to the far side of the cave, hoping to contain the filth to one area. I should probably clean up outside, but it’s not safe out in the open like that, naked and wounded as I am.

After I bath and dress, I gingerly apply the salve to my wounds. I’ll have to apply the salve daily to ensure my wounds don’t fester, I’m surprised they haven’t already become infected.

Once my wounds are dressed, I look over my supplies once more. These supplies increase the likelihood of my survival out there. Allowing myself a couple days to heal in the cave also greatly improves my odds. For the first time in a long while, I at last feel somewhat optimistic about my future. I know it won’t always go smoothly but at least I have a better chance than before. I just need to focus on getting stronger.

Once everything is placed back into the pack, I lay down by the fire to sleep.

*******

There is only one of Them left now. I hide behind a tree and cower as low as my body can go. I shake uncontrollably, and my teeth clatter loudly in the silence. My nerves are fraying rapidly at the thought of getting caught and dragged back, despite what They had said. While I don’t necessarily believe in the Gods anymore, I still pray They don’t find me. I’m not above trying anything to avoid my recapture. Anything but sacrificing others—I won’t stoop that low, even now.

I peek around my hiding place as quietly as I’m able. I almost gasp at the sight of Him steadily making his way towards my tree. Whipping my head around, I clench my teeth together so tightly I can almost hear them crack. Please don’t find me. Please. Please. Keep moving. Go away. Go. Go. GO. Leave. Leave. This isn’t happening. I’m so close.

A twig snaps right behind my tree and I flinch. I squeeze my eyes closed and hold my breath. Please. Please. Please. Oh my Gods. Go away. I can’t take this anymore. I want to go home. I just want to see my family again. Please. No.

My eyes snap open at the familiar smooth, hypnotic voice that says, “Run, Little Bhria. Run home now, you don’t want to be late. I won’t stop you, I give you my word.”

I curl into myself and will my eyes closed once more. I grip my head with my hands. I don’t know how much time passes before I finally gather the courage to open my eyes and look upon Him. I jerk myself into a sitting position and shakily search all around me.

He is gone and didn’t take me with Him. It feels like I’m missing a piece of the puzzle, but my mind is too scattered to makes sense of anything. I can go home now.

Tears flood down my cheeks. A tentative smile snakes its way across my face and I scramble to stand up, steadying myself against the tree that failed to hide me from the Monster. I can really go home. Hope blooms inside my chest. Before I can think to squash the emotion, it consumes me completely.

I know hope can be a bad thing, but I tell myself it’s fine just this once. Everything is going to be alright now. He let me go. He didn’t stop me so I’m free. He doesn’t want me anymore. I’m finally going home.

I stumble away from my tree and walk forward in an unsteady gait. I’m not sure if this is the direction that will lead me home, but at least I’m not headed the way I saw the Others go. Anywhere but where they went is good enough. I can maybe climb a tree and look for village that way. Maybe if I walk in this direction for a while I’ll be able to hear the village activity. I will figure it out. I will get home because He actually let me go. I’m really going home.

I startle awake, sweat soaking my brow and tears staining my cheeks. It was just a dream. That’s all it is now, nothing more than a bad dream. I will my mind to go blank.

With my dreams haunting me, my sleep is restless and I’m left just as tired as before. What I wouldn’t give for a dreamless night free from the taint from the past. But these dreams are my reminder; they are my punishment. I deserve worse. I deserve a worse punishment for my sins. Even knowing that, I am afraid of it actually getting worse. I’m not sure how much more I can take.

Thoughts turning grim, I push them aside and stretch my aching limbs as much as I am able, without antagonizing my wounds.

There is a bit of a chill in the cave, the fire nothing more than a few glowing embers. I add in fresh tinder and nurse the fire back to life. Once the shadows of the darkness are chased away, I lie down once more. 

****

Three days have passed since my arrival at the village, and I’ve spent two days in this cave. I quickly fell into a routine of eating, sleeping, and tending to my wounds. The near constant rest has helped my body, my wounds, and my mind. I feel much stronger and healthier.

Not being as weak, my body is able to focus much of its attention to the healing process. Most of the aches and pains have all but disappeared, and the bleeding has stopped completely. Some of the shallower wounds have even healed. I guess it’s one perk of being more like Them.

That thought fills me with bitterness. There’s nothing good about being like Them. I don’t want to be thankful for any changes They made. I don’t want to acknowledge any benefits to this situation. Nothing about what They did was ‘good.’ I shove all those thoughts away.

Perhaps the best part of this break is connecting with the emotional shit I actually had time to open up. From the start of my journey some time ago, I have been skittish and terrified, constantly looking over my shoulder for the ghosts of my past. My reprieve in this hole is that I’ve had ample time to sort through my thoughts and emotions. In these two days, I have accepted—as much as I can, anyway—my shitty and unfortunate circumstances. I had time to analyze why my life got this way and who I can blame, so my anger has a much-needed outlet.

I have always been afraid to let my anger consume me. I was afraid the old me couldn’t come back. I was afraid I wouldn’t be me anymore. But, I am no longer afraid. I don’t want to come back anymore. I don’t want to be me anymore. I can’t be me anymore. My old life is gone and there is nothing I can do to change that. I need to adapt. I need to embrace this new life in order to get stronger, to prevent something like this from happening to me ever again.

With my acceptance, it was like a flood of emotion swept through. In my fit, I tore apart the cave. I raged and screamed for hours, though what I yelled, I can’t recall. I vented everything I had bottled up until my exhaustion won and I slept against the wall.

I woke feeling rested for once. My dreams were less frequent and my thoughts far less scattered. The past was not on repeat in my head as often as before. A tentative peace has stuck around much longer than any time since my escape.

Now that I’ve reached the point where I can walk without pain and with only slight discomfort, I plan to head out after breakfast. I gather everything I’ll need into the pack and lay it by the entrance to the cave.

Before I laid down to rest last night, I also mapped out my next course. There’s a small village, called Nahann, just a few days out, and it’s in the opposite direction from the town Lori mentioned. Lori said that Craforian was a place for both humans and Them, but I just don’t see how that is possible. There has to be more to it than that. These two groups just don’t mix. I’m staying clear unless absolutely necessary.          

I douse the flames with the dirty water in the pail and shoulder my pack. I slip the last loaf of bread from the side pouch and munch as I leave the cave. A few hours earlier, I had wandered outside to take care of some business and noted the time. The sun was still some ways off from rising, but now it’s just beginning to peak over the horizon. With a sigh, I start my journey once more.