Chapter 9

I resume my pace and focus my thoughts on different things. I need to hone my survival skills and stealth. I’m still no expert with the bow, I need more practice. For hunting, I’ll need to be stealthy so I don’t frighten away the prey. I’ll need to learn to scavenge, too—I can’t afford poisonous berries again.

 The problem is, I never needed these skills, and I don’t have anyone to teach me now. I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t teach myself. Stealing isn’t an option—the overwhelming guilt since I saw those starving children will be too much to bear a second time.

Distant chatter stirs me from my thoughts, and I grind to a halt. Confused, I crouch behind a nearby dol tree and pull out my map. As I thought, the nearest village is several days out; there must be a camp of travelers set up nearby.  There’s no harm in observing from a distance, so I quietly move in the direction of the noise. Making sure to keep to the shadows of the evening sun, I stick myself behind a tree as I soon see the source of the bustle.

The herd of capalts are grazing just beyond the tents. The loyal creatures don’t need to be secured. The giant scaled beasts, with leathery wings and saber teeth, are known to be gentle and loyal to their keepers.

There are eight makeshift tents, just some cloth thrown over the lower limbs of the dol trees. I can only see five people, though. I pause and recount the number of tents: eight.

My heart threatens to jump out of my chest; there are three more people, likely patrolling the surrounding area.

Laughter fills the air, yet warning bells go off inside my head. I peek out from behind the tree to get a better look. All five are wearing uniforms, and they each carry a weapon. One male has two thin swords attached to his hips, another has a large sword strapped across his back, the third male carries two daggers, and the two females carry bows across their backs.

The weapons are no surprise, but the unique features are. The blood drains from my face as I finally notice the odd eye color of these people. Their ears are long and pointed, just like mine.

Like a tidal wave, the panic sets in. With the panic comes rage. As if in a daze, my bow is suddenly in my hands. I aim at Them, my hands shaking uncontrollably. My breathing is labored and my heart is pounding. The blood is rushing in my ears, making it near impossible to hear anything beyond my own heart.

They need to die. They did this. This is all Their fault. I need to hurt them. They need to die. How could they do this to me? I will end them. They won’t expect it, but I’ll do it.

A burning heat expands inside my chest. The need for revenge is all consuming. It feeds the thing under my ribs. My hands are on fire. I look down, expecting to see sweating, red hands. Instead they glow like embers from a fire.

The panic builds higher. I watch in terror as the glow in my hand flares brighter. This can’t be happening. It’s just another bad dream. I’m hallucinating, that’s all. Nothing more.

Sweat pours from my flesh and tears leak from my eyes. The glow slowly expands past my wrists as my panic and terror soar to new heights. I need to control it. I need to stop this. I’ve seen this once before. I couldn’t control it then. I don’t know if I can control it now. I thought that time was just a fluke, a freak accident. I need to stop it. It can’t be like that time.

Not again.

My sight is stolen as the past flashes through my head.

How long have I been here? How long have they kept me attached to the machines? How much longer will I be? I don’t feel the pain from it anymore.

The male adjusts some buttons and wires, and the female pours that awful glowing liquid in a vial. They will stick me over and over with that needle.

Before, the fire coursed through my veins. Before, I could feel the acid seep into my pores and corrode my insides. Before, my throat had closed as my scream tries to be heard. Before, I could feel the tears burning a path down my face. Before, I could feel my mind close in on itself as the agony took control.

Before.

I could feel my sanity slowly chip away, bit by bit.

Now, I feel blessed emptiness. Now, I feel no pain. Now, I my mind wanders to someplace good. Now, I feel nothing. They finally broke me, now nothing but anger remains. And hate. Why did it come to this? It wasn’t supposed to end like that, I was supposed to go home. They lied to me. It’s a game to Them. One They intend to win. One They did win. When it was just me, I could take it. Whatever They did to me, I survived it. But this time They went too far. Nothing will ever be the same again. They did this. They did this to me. They did this to them. They need to pay. They need to suffer. They need to die. All of Them. I’ll kill Them. One way or another I will burn Them. Like They burned me. I’ll watch as Their pretty and perfect skin boils and bursts.

Almost as if it’s egging me on, a burning expands inside my chest. I will it to grow. I feed it my hate. I feed it my anger. I feed it all the pain I have endured. It warms my dead heart and brings it back to life. I relish in the rage. I urge it forward and coax it closer to the surface.

I feel a cruel and malicious smile etch its way across my face. I think I laugh, but I can’t be certain. I no longer hear the outside world. All my ears hear is the roar of the fire building in my body. It seems to take control of me. I welcome it. Again, I urge it closer and closer. Let it consume me. Let it burn everything down in its rage.

I watch in sick amusement as the male and female’s eyes grow wide in alarm. I watch in twisted delight as they slowly back away. Like I’m the monster. Like I’m the awful creature in Hellvian.

Now, I know I laugh. I distantly feel my body shake uncontrollably. I distantly feel the tears of joy make their way down my face. I distantly feel the fire on my exposed flesh.

But it doesn’t burn.

No, it skates across my skin like a long-lost friend. In response, I feed it more rage and pain. I give it a treat for the comfort its presence gives me.

Suddenly I’m standing. I’m no longer strapped down. It puzzles me, but I don’t stop. I stalk to the two in the room. They backed themselves in the corner, far from the door.

So very stupid. I eye them like prey. I can almost smell their terror. My cruel smile expands. The female starts to glow purple and I laugh. Before I can blink, silver flames engulf her frame. How small she looks. No longer standing over me. No longer hurting me. She is nothing. She will burn until there’s nothing but ashes in her wake. Her screams fill the air. The sound is like music to my ears. The man’s face is terrified. He looks like he’s in pain too. That angers me. What does he know of pain? He knows nothing. Nothing like the pain they inflicted on me.

But he will know. He will burn and burn. In seconds the man is alight. Just like the other. He screams the loudest.

That only brings a giggle out of my throat. To think, he was the one who enjoyed inflicting pain the most. He is the one who tolerates it the least.

A deep twisted sense of satisfaction rolls through me at the sight of them burning. The smell of melting flesh should be repulsive. The sound of their scream should be grating. But it’s not. The heat inside wiggles with joy. I feed it more. I need it strong. It chases away all the bad things.

It makes me feel.

The machines explode as the silver fire reaches them. The grating beeping of the machines finally stop. The little vial of glowing liquid splatters across the wall. The room burns, but I turn to face the door. There are more of Them in the hall. They saved me the trouble of finding them. Their faces twist in horror at the sight of the burning masses in the corner.

My smile is cruel and malicious. It frightens them; it excites me. It encourages the creature inside. Before they can move, the fire reaches for them. Three more monsters go up in flames, and the screams harmonize.

Now they understand. Now they know a fraction of my pain. I need more. The heat inside needs more. I plan to let the heat have it. It deserves it. It’s saving me. It’s comforting me. It’s loving me.

 I leave the prison. My next destination is their home. It’s made of wood. So flammable. The perfect fuel. I will watch it burn. I will watch them burn with it. Their screams will echo across the forest. The blaze will reach the sky. And I’ll watch. Satisfied. Then I will burn Him. Bit by bit. Not all at once like the Others. Slowly his skin will crisp. His eyes will be first. They will melt and pop. Like my eyes had. Then His ears. His hair. His legs. His arms. It will take days. I will revel in it all.

I shove the memory away, disturbed.  I can’t get like that again. I can’t lose myself to the rage and panic. I frantically try to calm my breaths. Push it away. Breathe slowly. I count my breaths in my head. I step backwards, and slowly turn.

Breathe in for five, hold for three, release for seven. Again. Breathe in for five, hold for three, release for seven. My heart calms and my breathing returns to normal.

I look up and freeze. I was too far gone in my panic that I missed the approach of Them. Luckily, it’s only one. It’s a new one, one who was patrolling. This one looks at me in shock. The panic I had managed to calm a fraction, spikes back up. My insides warm once more. I fight the fear.

“Are you alright? Are you lost? Do you need any help?” His shock melts away and he smiles almost kindly. It confuses me. “You are welcome at our camp. What’s your name?” Still I say nothing. “What town are you from? Where are you going? We can help you.”

He takes a small step closer and I jolt back. The panic surges and my hands glow. His eyes widen and he raises his hands in front of his chest. He begins again with a calmer tone, his face cautious. “You’re alright. No one here will hurt you. It’s okay. Just calm yourself. We can help you.”

I’m shaking uncontrollably and the heat continues to expand. Tears well in my eyes as I take another small step back. Suddenly, two more stand behind him. I cry out in fear and stumble backwards. I grip my bow so tight my hand goes numb. The glowing intensifies and sparks. The one in the front gestures for the other two to get back. I feel trapped, cornered. I don’t like it. They need to leave. They need to go away. I need to make them go away. Another bright flash and I startle.

The sight of flames draws my attention. I snap my head up and watch as silver flames dance along the man’s sleeve. The fire spreads along his torso and leg. He cries out and drops to his knees. One of the males behind him reaches to put out the fire. The other slowly approaches me.

Eyes wide, I look at the fallen one, then at the one coming closer. I bolt as fast as my body can go. As I imagine Them chasing me, the panic and fear intensify. I strain to hear footsteps, but the rushing in my ears is too loud. I run until I collapse.

By some miracle, I find a small cave at the bottom of a cliff face. I crawl inside and curl in on myself. I hurt him, but I didn’t mean to.

The heat and flames. It wasn’t a bizarre accident after all. It was me all along. I set that place on fire all that time ago. I’m dangerous, and I can’t control it.

What if he had been human? What if I hurt a human? I can’t lose control. I have to stay away. No more villages. It’s too risky. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I didn’t think it could happen.

The first time was so bizarre, I counted it as a freak accident. Or that one of Them did it. Not me though, never me. But it was me. I can’t control it, it’s like it controls me. 

What if it happens again? I don’t know how to control it, I don’t even know why it happens. I need to stay away from them. For good. No more visits to human towns. I don’t know if I’ll survive alone, but I have to, somehow.