Thirteen

Micah pov. 

I knew something like this would happen. It might have taken two months but my heart broke for those two months since all I could do was just stand by and watch it happen. 

 I am crushed. 

 Alyssa and Jake are talking again, she forgave that bastard easily. Too easy in my dictionary. If it was up to me I will never let him back in her life but it isn't up to me. It is never up to me. 

  All I will ever be with her is just friends, why can't she see that it kills me. I tried, I tried for two months, I really tried to make her see me in a different light, to make her see me in another way than just a friend but she doesn't even notice. I will always be looking in from the shoulders of whoever she decides is the lucky guy who gets to share her life. 

   I hate that fact. Still with all this that has been happening you would think I am a masochist with the way I am still in love with this girl. I wish I could stop loving her but I can't. I still love her with every fiber of my being. I keep telling myself to stop but I can't, I am still stuck in her. My mind keeps going back on her as if she is a music track in my mind and the track is in repeat. I don't even know how to express myself with words, I keep getting stuck and this is saying a lot from the student who won the most impressive expressive debate in the state for three consecutive years. 

Micah." Alyssa hit me. 

 "What." I said as I snapped out of my thoughts to find the whole class staring at me. This is turning into a usual occurrence, it never happened before. I could be having two different conversations, one on my phone and the other with face to face interaction and still go over my to-do list in my mind. Now I can barely think with my mind and do my homework at the same time. I have to read these days because it is getting harder for me to understand what usually come to me easily before and those migraines, when they come these days, I wish that I can pass out to escape from the pain.  I think it is finally time for me to go and visit my family doctor. It has being a while. Like four years ago. 

  Micah, what is our topic for next class. The teacher, Miss Robin asks me. 

  Err, letter writing. I said, having to think before I could come up with the answer, okay now I need serious help. 

  "Oh that's great. Before I will teach you anything on that topic you have to write a letter." my classmates all groans. 

 "It will be use to grade you as there will not be an exam." Miss Robin said in a stern tone that most teachers seem to have perfected. She being one of them. 

  What is the criteria?" I asked her because I should be the one to ask her being her assistant and all. 

  It should be interesting. I don't want you to write a letter that will take me two hours to read. You can write a letter to anybody, about anything. Just make it lively okay? She said with a smile. The bell rings as my classmates grudgingly stood up and headed to the door. 

  You are submitting it two weeks from now. Use your time wisely. Miss Robin says quickly so that the students will hear her before entering the noisy hallway. Micah, can you wait behind. "

 Alyssa, will you be okay waiting for me. I asked my best friend forever -because that is what we are, only that- who was still packing her things into her bag.

   Actually, Jake want me to visit the ice cream parlor with him... alone. she added without meeting my eyes, she is scared of how I would react, she has good cause to be scared. 

  Are you insane Al, do you love it when you are broken. I asked her deadly serious. 

  It is different this time, he is different this time... She rushed out. 

 Has he turned into a decent human? Are you even hearing yourself? You sound like a broken record. I exploded and it surprised the rest of our classmates that are still in class. I think it did the same thing to our teacher but I didn't look in her direction, I was still staring at my best friend, when will she start thinking like a teenager, an almost adult not like a child that trust too easily. 

  That was harsh, besides what do you have against him. Alyssa stammers out. 

  What I have against him is that you allow him to play you like a string and when you are broken, I am the one who gets to fix you.

  He is sorry, he said it won't happen again. I believe him and..." 

 Dont you dare say that you trust him? 

  I do trust him. Alyssa cried out. 

  If you walk out of this school with that boy know that you are damaging our relationship for all time. I said giving her an ultimatum. 

Her mouth open dropped open at this. "You are giving me an ultimatum. 

  Yes. I am tired of always picking you up. I won't be there for you again if you knowingly and purposely go out and hurt yourself. I said as I closed my eyes, the head ache have started, within two hours it will be a full blown migraine. 

  Then I don't need you. Alyssa screams at me before she shoved the rest of her things in her bag without arranging them and stormed out of the class. 

  Micah. What was that? Miss Robin asks me 

  That was me and my best friend having a fight. Why did you want me to stay behind? I asked her.

  What is wrong with you. She asks. On your last test you got 66. That is a B. You have never had a B in this class before. " 

  I got a B. I asked with my eyes widened. That is news to me. 

  If you write your letter to me and it is very good, I will increase that youre B to an A " Miss Robin said and I nodded. 

  Whatever that is going on with you Micah, I wish you can solve it quick. You are changing and not for the best. She said softly as I nodded again and took my bag and walked out of the classroom slowly. What is wrong with me?