Chapter 9 - His Realization

A number of days had passed, Jay was still thinking of Cissie. Anywhere he went, he remembered their happy memories together. There were times when he mistook Cherry for Cissie. He had always called her 'bezzie' whenever they talked. At first, Cherry understood him, but days had already passed and he hadn't changed.

While they were at the grocery store,

"Cherry, please get me one Toblerone. I miss eating that. That was what we had during our first practice," then Jay was staring blankly.

"Hang on Jay. I tried to understand you at first, but why was she always in your mind until now?" Cherry asked.

"Sorry, I'm really sorry," he seemed to be back on his thoughts.

"It's becoming obvious to me. Let's clear things up. Do you love her?"

Jay was surprised with Cherry's frankness. He couldn't answer right then and there but was just staring at her.

"What? Answer me! I wouldn't force myself to you. Oh my, I could be the one who's at fault. If I didn't insert myself between the two of you, you'd be together now, most likely, and she wouldn't have left," Cherry couldn't stop her emotions now.

"I'm sorry Cherry, I don't even know why I'm like this. All I know is that it's painful for me that she didn't even left a single word before she left. She didn't even say goodbye. I always think of her. In every places we've been to, I see her. She's everywhere. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you," Jay's tears started rolling down that moment. When Cherry saw Jay crying, she hugged him.

"Perhaps Steph was right, you love each other. It was just not clear yet. I thought I could replace her in your heart, but I can't. I knew back then that you don't really love me. You just tried to be with me because you yourself wasn't sure with what you feel for Cissie. I'm sorry that I disturbed the two of you. I – I'm breaking up with you," Cherry's voice was cracking with the last words she said. She sobbed while letting go of Jay.

"Maybe you were right, but she's gone. It's too late now."

"No, it's not. You can follow her to Manila. You can start over," Cherry suggested.

"Right! You're right. Thank you! I'd have to go," he felt so lifted.

"I hope you'd meet again and have a good start."

"I hope so. I'm really sorry, Cherry. I got to go."

Cherry was right! Why don't he follow her to Manila? He could always go back there to study. He hurriedly went home and booked a ticket. He was excited to leave for Manila. At last, everything had been clear to him. At that moment, he was thinking of nothing but search for Cissie.

"Nai Nai, I need to go back to Manila," Jay told his grandma while walking down the stairs.

"Why so sudden, hijo? I thought you'd be enrolling here?" his grandma responded who was lying on the sofa.

"Nai Nai, these past few days, I was thinking of nothing but her. I see her everywhere. I realized that the reason I courted Cherry was because I couldn't admit myself that I love Cissie. I was crazy during these last days, even though I was with Cherry, I call her Cissie. I have even mistaken her as Cissie."

"Finally, you have admitted it yourself. I could sense back then that you love each other but I thought I should not intervene, plus you are still young."

"I know, I know, but I have to fix this. We could be in a relationship even though we are still studying, we have our own dreams to fulfill too."

"I know I couldn't stop you, but I hope you'd think it carefully for you are still young. You should know your limits. When is your flight, by the way?"

"First thing in the morning, Nai Nai."

Jay couldn't sleep well that night. He was too excited to go back to Manila to search Cissie. As soon as the plane landed, he didn't waste any time. He went straight to where his driver was waiting. The driver welcomed him joyfully but he just replied with as smile and asked him to go straight to the NSO office. He didn't even thought of eating at that time as he needed to see Cissie so badly. The airport was a bit far from the NSO main office, so they got there at around eight in the morning. He went to the office of his father's friend.

"Oh hi Jay, long time no see. I heard that you transferred to the province. What brings you here so early?" he was welcomed with a hug.

"Uncle, I have a favor to ask. Please help me," he replied with a serious tone.

"Of course, as long as I can do it. What is it?"

"I am searching for someone. Please, I want it as soon as possible, if you can,"

"Jay, we do not search for missing people. We have no way that we can do it that quick. We just do census but that doesn't mean we can find an individual."

"Is that so?" Jay got dismayed.

"I'm really sorry. As much as I want to help you, it's beyond my capability. By the way, who is that important person that you are searching for?"

"My best friend, I just realized that I love her but she left without letting me know," Jay got teary-eyed.

"Oh boy, that thing called love. I'm so sorry son. Anyway, give me her name just in case our staff could get you some information, I'll inform you."

"Thank you. Cissie Cruz is her name. In case you get any lead, please contact me, uncle."

"Of course, but I'm not guaranteeing you that, okay? Why don't you ask your uncle Andy for help? He works as an admin staff in NBI,  maybe he can help you," he suggested.

"Really? Do you have his number?" Jay saw a ray of hope.

"I'm not sure if this is updated, but just try it," he send the number to Jay through vcard.

"I'm really thankful for this, uncle William. I'd have to go, I need to go to uncle Andy."

"No problem, I hope you'd find her. Update me from time to time."

"I will."

Jay had a strand of hope. He got more confident that he could find Cissie. Why didn't he think of his dad's friend who was working in the NBI? He went straight to his car and asked the driver to go to the NBI office, but he asked if they could at least pass by somewhere they could buy food.

"I'm really sorry. I forgot that we haven't had breakfast yet. Let's just buy pizza. I couldn't let this pass."

"Sir, not that I would gossip, but who are you searching for?" the driver asked.

"You have no idea how crazy I am. I didn't realize that I love my best friend until she left without letting me know."

"Really? She would most likely be pretty and kind, right?"

"For me, she is the prettiest girl, no matter what other says. Kind? Very! Plus, she's responsible. Oh, you can pull over there and buy pizza and drinks. I'll just wait for you here."

The driver ordered pizza and they ate it while on the way to the NBI office. It took them an hour to get there because of the heavy traffic in EDSA. Jay tried calling the number his uncle William gave him. Thank, goodness, it was active! He had more hope of seeing and hugging his friend. As soon as he got there, he realized that he couldn't talk to his uncle anytime he wanted as employees could only entertain visitor during their break time, so they waited for him at the canteen.

"Here, uncle!" Jay shouted while waving to his father's friend. When he saw him, he smiled and went to the table where Jay was.

"How are you? What brings you here, is there any problem?" Jay's uncle asked.

"Uncle, I'd ask you a big favor. I wonder if you could find a person for me. I asked uncle William but he said they have no way to do it and referred me to you. He said you might be able to help me," Jay said his purpose straight.

"Is that a criminal?" he joked.

"No sir, my best friend. She went here without telling me. After she left, I realized that I love her. I'm going crazy thinking where she is," Jay was about to cry that moment.

"To be honest, I'm not an intelligence agent. I'm just an admin staff, but I have a friend who might be able to help you. What is her name?"

"Cissie Cruz. I will owe you a lot uncle."

"That's fine, no problem. But I couldn't promise you that we can find her. Do you have her recent photo?"

"I have one on my phone. I'll send you via Bluetooth."

"Are you sure this is her?" he laughingly said.

"Don't be like that uncle. I love her so much," Jay said in defense.

"I was just kidding you. It's good that you don't focus much physically. She should be really good as you're crazy for her," he said while tapping Jay's shoulder.

"I'll just update you," he added.

"Thanks uncle. I wouldn't stay long as you still have work to do. I went straight here from the airport."

"That's fine. Just don't forget to invite me on your future wedding, okay?" he smiled.

"Of course! I hope we could find her. I'll go ahead uncle."

Jay felt he had more chance of seeing the person he love the most. He was hoping to find Cissie soon to be able to start over. As the days were passing by, he got himself busy. He didn't just wait. Every time he had a vacant time, he searched for Cissie in the universities. He checked the results of the entrance exam passers. He started searching at the universities in Manila until he had checked all of the public and private universities in the whole metro. However, he didn't see anything nor anyone who had the same name as her. He felt that his chance of seeing Cissie again was becoming lesser.

Three months had passed since he started searching for her. The school year was about to begin and he hadn't enrolled yet. He forgot that he had his own life. Until one day, he thought of calling his uncle again worked at the NBI office.

"Hello uncle, how was the search for Cissie?" it was obvious from Jay's voice that he was sad and tired.

"Jay, my friend hasn't found her until now. I can't ask him to speed that up as he has priorities at work. He only does that when he's free. I'm really sorry. I'll call you when we have an update."

"Thanks a lot uncle."

When he put the phone down, tears rolled down from his eyes. He felt that he made a big mistake. He had no one to blame but himself. Why didn't he realize everything when they were still together?

He locked himself in the room the whole day. He just wanted to drown himself in beer and forget things even for a short time. It was already getting dark and he was still drinking. He was just drinking and crying that he forgot to eat. His mom, of course, was worried.

"What is happening to you, son? Ever since you got back, you don't visit your friends anymore. You always leave and talk to someone on the phone. Then you'd sulk on the corner. What is really happening with you?" his mom hugged him as she's too worried.

"I am searching for my best friend, mom. She just left without letting me know. I didn't know that she loves me. It was only later when I realized that I love her too, but I can't find her anymore. She got away and it tears me up, mom," he was crying like a baby.

"Shhhh. Stop crying. Oh my, I can't believe my son is now in love. You have to move on, son. You have to continue living. You are still young, perhaps this isn't the right time. Enroll first and shift your focus to your studies. You wouldn't realize that the pain you're feeling will be gone," she said while comforting Jay. At least, Jay felt better after his mother comforted him.