Chapter 14

His mother and Tyler have returned to Minnesota while Lance sticks around and keeps on coming back to visit. It's been five weeks in a row now. Dylan doesn't ask Lance why he's there, doesn't even talk much. Lance does all the talking most of the time. 

At times, Dylan gets so lost in the sound of Lance's voice that he doesn't understand half the things Lance says. He just lets the familiar lilt and trill resonate deep within his skin.

When Lance says, "I told my sister that I found an apartment near this place and now she insists that she should come over here and keep me company," Dylan snaps out of his trance. He tries to rewind Lance's words and play it back inside his head.

"Apartment?" Despite wanting to push down the urge to pry, Dylan decides to let his curiosity take over. "What are you doing here in New Hampshire anyway? Aren't you supposed to be at home with your wife or family?"

An incredulous expression crosses Lance's face, and he stares as if he's trying to decipher Dylan's words. Then he starts to laugh. 

Dylan pulls his brows together, confused. "What the fuck's so funny?"

The laughter bubbling out of Lance settles down gradually. "I'm uh…" And Lance takes a deep breath before he starts to speak again. "I'm not married, Dylan. I uh… I never went through it."

What? This is certainly news. Dylan arches an eyebrow and says, "But I saw the article about your engagement in the magazine," his eyes never leaving Lance.

Lance settles on the couch and runs a hand through his hair. 

"Samantha and I did get engaged but," Lance says, lifting his eyes to meet Dylan's. "But I um… I thought it wouldn't be fair to her at all. I couldn't marry her because I was still very much in love with someone else."

Dylan's not so sure if he wants to hear more. He reminds himself that he shouldn't care, shouldn't give a damn. Shouldn't, shouldn't, shouldn't. But hearing those words from Lance makes his heart twist painfully. With all the nonchalance he can muster, Dylan mutters, "I see," then looks away. He sees Lance rise from the couch through the corner of his eye.

Lance kneels before him and takes Dylan's hands in his. The warmth permeating from Lance's skin sends tiny pinpricks up Dylan's arms. "Samantha knew, Dylan. She knew that I was still in love with you. That was why she didn't want to marry me, either."

This is probably a dream or some sick joke that Dr. Kern, or anyone in the center, has engineered and has asked Lance to play along. 

"Lance. Don't."

"But it's the truth, Dylan. Please, look at me." Lance's fingertips are cool against Dylan's jaw. "After you left, I searched for you but no one would tell me where you were. When Ruben told me you got married, I thought it was pointless to try and talk to you, at least. Then… then…"

A shade of melancholy shrouds Lance's face and the sight makes the ache in Dylan's heart worse.

Dylan's hand itches to touch Lance's cheek but he refrains from acting on impulse. He sits there and watches the pain glimmer on Lance's eyes.

"Talk to me," Lance begs. "Talk to me please." 

Dylan's lips refuse to move. 

Lance buries his face on Dylan's lap and the world crumbles down on him when his shoulders begin to shake. "I missed you, Dylan," he whispers. "So much. I don't want to see you like this. Please. Please, Dylan. Come back to me."

Dylan fears that his obstinacy is deflating and Lance is slowly breaking through the barriers that Dylan has painstakingly built around him. 

*

"Trick or treat!" The fifth group of kids bounded up to Dylan and Saxon's front door. Dylan scooped a handful of candies from his large plastic cauldron and dropped them on each of the children's bags or baskets while Saxon cooed over their costumes.

"Have fun guys. Be careful out there," Dylan said and watched them climb down their driveway. He caught Saxon watching him with a wide smile plastered on his face. "What?"

"Nothing." Saxon stepped back inside the house. "You're just… I mean you're great with kids, you know."

"Practice." Dylan popped a piece of chocolate in his mouth, ignoring the way Saxon's eyes narrowed. "I do have lots of nephews and nieces, you know." 

Dylan took one last glimpse outside. It wasn't as busy as he expected. Maybe more kids would come later. He closed the door behind him and followed Saxon to the kitchen.

"You're going to ruin your appetite if you keep on snacking on those sweets," Saxon reprimanded.

Dylan laughed. He threw an arm around Saxon's shoulder and pressed a sloppy kiss on Saxon's cheek. "If I promise to eat my vegetables later, can I have one more piece? Please?"

"Don't push your luck, Mister." Saxon's lips were pursed, his forehead creased.

Dylan barked another hearty laugh, said, "Okay, Dad, you win," and placed the cauldron on top of the kitchen table.

They started preparing dinner. Dylan only had to rush back to the front door twice to entertain the trick or treaters before settling back in the kitchen. 

Saxon seemed to be caught in deep contemplation. He was unusually quiet half of the night. They were clearing the table after dinner when he asked, "Do you ever think about being a dad?" 

The plate Dylan was loading into the dishwasher almost slipped out of his grasp. "A dad?"

Saxon nodded. His lower lip was wedged between his teeth. His gaze was focused on the glass he was drying.

Dylan crept up behind Saxon. He coiled his arms around Saxon's waist and planted his chin on Saxon's shoulder, his chest pressed against Saxon's back. "Are we talking about having kids now?" he asked, breathing against the back of Saxon's ear. He felt his boyfriend shudder in his hold.

"I was just thinking since you had this shimmer of… I don't know… longing in your eyes when you were watching the kids earlier." 

"I did, huh?" Dylan brushed his lips against the shell of Saxon's ear and a smirk played on his lips when he heard Saxon whimper.

"Mhmm." Saxon turned around in Dylan's embrace and hooked his arms around Dylan's neck. "So what do you say, Mr. Friggs?"

If he was going to be honest, Dylan had been thinking about having kids. But he was in the mood to tease so he hummed, "Hmm…," pretending to think and smirked when Saxon sighed. "Maybe we should talk about getting married first? You know, the whole white-picket-fence idea; then the kids and dogs would soon come into the picture."

Saxon rolled his eyes quite dramatically. Dylan chuckled and pressed a kiss between Saxon's eyes. "Seriously though, I would love to be a dad, raise two — maybe three kids with you."

With his head tilted to the side, Saxon asked, "Is this your idea of a marriage proposal?" 

Dylan shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. "You could say that. But I'll have to ask you again once I have the ring," he said and he found his arms full of Saxon Luskee, his face being peppered with sloppy kisses