Chapter 21

We had finally reached our destination in the middle of the night, a desert like area but you can see the stars and much more of the horizon. I couldn’t believe how Natalie had found this place with driving to wherever they may be. I climbed out of the car the same time Natalie did as we met in front of the car then leaned against the hood.

“This is my dream when being out here. I love where home is too that we can see the stars but this is amazing for the middle of nowhere for miles on end.” Natalie whispered.

I turned Natalie around to face me as I softly grabbed her face in my hands and kissed her beneath the stars with a deep passion that I had to release before my hormones took over.

“Thank you.” I whispered to her then kissed her forehead.

I held Natalie close on the hood of her car as we drifted off to sleep without a care in the world that we were out in the middle of nowhere and being able to relax and hold onto one another. I felt like my surroundings finally calmed down until Natalie woke me up.

“I think this calls for a shower and sleep back at home. Is that alright with you, hoss?” Natalie said in her country voice.

“Let’s head home, darlin’.” I said with a chuckle.

It took us several hours to get home, when we did make it home, we were both too tired and dragged our asses upstairs to sleep for more than normal. That following afternoon, we didn’t bother doing anything and decided to go do more fun in the daylight hours. This time we headed to the park and throw around a frisbee then off to the swings while holding hands, it felt good to be surrounded by her love though everything is so far out and I am highly considering moving closer to more fun stuff, it is a start to where I am not seeing Sarah’s ghost frequently and I haven’t had to worry about Sheila since she has Dana.

“Sweetheart, have you ever thought about remarrying since Sarah is dead?” Natalie asked.

“No, I see no point in remarrying since we never know where life leads us. Sarah died from breast cancer, I can’t imagine marrying again.” Amber replied seeing Natalie’s somber face.

“Oh okay, I was only wondering.” Natalie responded.

I couldn’t help feeling bad for what I said but how can I remarry someone like Sarah without knowing if destiny could take me at any moment too. I knew that we have been together a year but it isn’t my thought process to accept such a beauty of a woman into my life again like Natalie. My doubts and fears always win when it comes to expressing myself with how I feel, Sheila would have told me otherwise on how ridiculous I was about being denied marriage so quick especially with Natalie though she would be correct I am not wanting to hear it and will run away with my horse.

“Can you at least consider it some day? I can’t imagine myself with anyone else.” Natalie pleaded.

We walked hand in hand around the park as Natalie contemplated on bringing this up anymore. I am not wanting to talk about it but the least I could do is respect Natalie’s thoughts on marriage.

“Darlin’, I will consider it for the future.” I replied.

Unfortunately, Natalie didn’t beam up to my response. I felt myself falling into her depression as she seemed to not care. We didn’t bond anymore once we arrived back at the house, she locked herself in the second bedroom and didn’t come out at all unless I was in our room. It felt like our worlds were too far apart at this point since I didn’t want marriage like she did. For the first time in a year, I put my wedding ring back on from Sarah and wished for her return to this world so I didn’t feel so alone. Looking at my wedding ring, I know I shouldn’t wish for her back when she hurt me so badly. I heard Natalie open the bedroom door to take a peek.

“Amber? Are you awake?” Natalie asked.

“Yes, but not because I want to be.” I answered with annoyance in my voice.

I watched as Natalie walked into the room a bit more as she stood in the doorway. I could tell Natalie didn’t want to be near me or anything at this point since she brought up the whole marriage thing.

“Can we please talk? I know you are mad about the....wait are you wearing? Amber, no! Damn it! Son of a bitch. Fuck it, I am going to grab a hotel for a while.” Natalie said as she slammed the bedroom door.

Once again, I heard Natalie rushing to the other room then it must’ve dawned her that everything was in our room as she flung the door open, grabbed her luggage from the closet and then packed her clothing and anything else she needed.

“Natalie, I don’t know why you are mad? It is just a ring.” I said with a lump in my throat.

“Than sweetheart, I must be an idiot to not see that you can’t get over your dead ex wife. I was hoping to marry you but you have proved that. If you have a change of heart then I might consider coming back until then I am not returning until you are ready for me to be in your life.” Natalie replied, throwing her stuff everywhere into bags.

“What hotel will you be at? Or are you going to find Sheila and Dana?” I asked, still fighting the lump in my throat.

“Don’t worry about it. I will be out of your hair and we will come to agreement eventually that Sarah is dead.” Natalie replied in her sweet voice.

That was our last conversation and she left my room without another word, my front door slammed shaking the whole house as I heard Natalie start her car then that was it against the gravel driveway as Natalie left me.