Chapter 15: The Talk

KAYLEEN

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. I’m a bit mad but I’m controlling myself before Shaira could take over my body again.

I pointed at the computer. “I used that,” I said dropping my hand to my side.

His expression lightened and tried walking near me but I moved away. I just don’t like how he think about me. I admit I deserve it but it just hurts a lot.

“I already know you don’t trust me. Now, why am I here? What are you really planning about me?” I started doubting him too.

“Hey. Look, I’m sorry,” he apologized again wearing a sincere face. 

“Zeke?” His fiancé showed up from the door but she’s not stepping inside.

“What about her? What is she planning?” Everything is heating up so he sighed.

“Let’s talk about this the other day,” he said and left me there. 

I’m alone again in the silent room. Whatever I do, I don’t feel comfortable now. The days has passed again, I felt like Zeke became so cold to me that he doesn’t try contacting me on phone. He is not knocking on the door too whenever he comes home. 

I decided to text him but he isn’t replying too.

The day ended like the other silent days. The rain wets the land and being dried up by the sun on other days. I’m just there watching the outside through the window. I never felt so boring like this. The envy is killing me. I wanna run like a normal person outside too. I missed being able to walk on the road where nobody cares and nobody is chasing after.

Those memories I have from my childhood came back to me. My memories of my family is flashed inside my head too and it’s painful for me. Those blissful days are becoming memories of grief. They are all killing me in the inside. I still can’t accept the fact that I am sick, horrible sick, mentally.

Trying to distract myself, I tried checking things on social media. It only made me feel worse. My face is all over it with a lot of memes and everything. People hate me so much that they want me dead. It’s devastating. I closed everything after seeing so much and tried watching some movies.

I fell asleep without me knowing and woke up hungry. My eyes opened slowly and was startled for someone who is inside my room, silently sitting at the side of my bed staring at me. 

“Zeke!” I uttered his name automatically lifting my body to sit.

“Are you still mad?” he asked.

“What are you doing here?” I suddenly became conscious of my face. I’m trying to imagine to how I looked like while sleeping. I might be asleep with mouth open. My face must be looking so horrible.

“I just want to check on you, are you taking your medicines?” 

“Yeah,” I answered awkwardly not looking at him straight. 

“I know you’ve seen what Shaira did and what I did.” His voice is low but he is staring at me. “I wanted to say sorry. I didn’t mean to get tempted like that.”

The topic is making me swallow my own saliva. I can’t remember it because Shaira has the memory but it’s uncomfortable to talk about it.

“Don’t hate me, please,” he pleaded.

“I don’t hate you. Just don’t change yourself so much that you create a distance between us,” I said and played with my hair. I’m trying to fix it not that obvious.

A sigh escaped from him as he stood up. “I’m really sorry. Let’s forget about it. What do you want to eat?” He walked to the small cooking area and checked on the refrigerator. I followed him there, I wanna help whatever he is planning to do. “What about some chicken?” I gave him a thumbs up as a response.

“Johanna is not coming?” I asked. 

“No.”

He folded his baby blue sleeves to his elbow and took off his watch and place it on the small table before washing his hand. I also did the same and helped him by chopping some vegetables. We are both silent doing everything until everything is ready. I watch him cook. 

Suddenly, I remembered my mom and it’s making me feel painful again inside my heart. I blinked to remove her image in front of my eyes.

“You can cook.” He only gave me a shrug and continued what he is doing.

While staring at him, my ears suddenly rings and it made me grimace holding unto my temple. A sudden headache struck me. 

“That’s a delicious view, isn’t it? A view of him half naked wearing an apron,” Shaira’s voice is heard through my ears and I didn’t like what she just said. Zeke is looking so formal; how can she say that?

I acted as normal as possible sitting in front of the dining table resting both my elbows on it. “Shut up,” I whispered.

“Did you say something?” I look at Zeke once again and shake my head. “Are you okay?” I nodded on his second answer and fake a smile.

When everything is done, we both eat them silently. I don’t know what I should talk to him. After we haven’t seen each other for days, I just can’t find words to start a conversation. The utensils are the only things that’s creating a sound. After the meal, he finally decided to speak again.

“I’ll be going; I will check on you the next days. Sorry for being awkward the past few days.” 

“Forget about it. I hope we will be fine starting now,” I said standing at the door’s threshold facing him outside my room.

“Yeah. By the way, if you get so tired here maybe we can have a walk outside when I’m free,” he said which surprised me that I point myself.

“You want me to show off outside? This face?” 

“No, I mean yes we will walk outside but you should wear a disguise. Maybe copy Johanna’s.” 

“I see. I always wanted to.”

He smiled at me and it’s so easing. “This Sunday.”

The door is closed but I’m still standing there still imagining him smiling in front of me.