Testing Time

I drank another cup of full water and then slept the rest of the night. morning came Florence back on shift, awake when she entered, started with a weak 'hi.." "Good job Moose" she dropped the sir, is she having a bad day already? "have your morning eye drops and cup of water" i don't know but I think I smiled as i replied "ok", "nice job moose, soon we won't be able to get you to stop talking, and yes it's a joke, we need you to tell us things" maybe dropping sir and just calling me moose is her way of flirting? Wait should i be thinking that?

I swear I hear dad and Florence just outside the room door, "You're looking a lot better today son!" Why do i feel like I missed him when I know he has been here. 'heard you have been more awake, and making head way in talking too, that's great news son" let's seeA full half day awake, head way, however before lunch i was given my pain meds, still iv dip and took what i feel was a two hour nap, could be less, could be more, not sure and trying not to dwell.

 if I can put two words together "tha..nks..d..a..d".

To often I wonder if I am normal for a coma patient, my quest to stand out and be a legendary, break records who knew it would come to this, wanting to be normal, or I guess closer to my normal of not being so helpless. I need to be ok with this slow pace so I stop getting so frustrated at myself.

"Florence was telling me this afternoon is going to be full of tests, she said today I shouldn't stay long and tell the team your not allowed more visitors just yet, just me and Tony for now"

Testing sounds boring, wonder if I will mange to stay awake.

" When they come in to check your reflexes I think I'll head over to the race shop and update the team, they have all been praying for you" that is nice to know, that team is like one big family and we love celebrating together, in fact a week before the crash we even held a baby shower for one of the engineers, going off for maternity leave, Stephine works on the cart car, she must have had her baby by now, wonder if it was a boy or girl, she didn't want to know, wanted the surprised.

"B..a..b..y?" I hope Dad knows what I am asking "Yes, Stephine was in here the day of the crash having her healthy baby girl, 7 pound 4 ounces, saw her four days later leaving to go home as I was coming back from the cafe, she didn't know about the crash till then, she worried about you after that, offered prayers, in fact we went to the chapel together praying for you and the baby" awe how sweet of her "A..w..e, N..i..c..e" I know as far as time goes, this stutter thing hasn't been that long but I do wish it would hurry up and go away.

I guess all that spray has worn off, I notice my mouth feel dry and throat a bit sore, "W..a..t..e..r, Pl..ea.se, D..a..d" Why does it feel like it is a struggle to breath and talk? Did my lungs get wrecked? Is this all from not moving my own muscles for a month?

Dad gets me a cup of water and helps by propping my head up by a extra pillow, he takes my right hand and sees if can hold the cup, he didn't let go, noticed the little bit of shaking and just holds the cup up and I mange to drink the whole cup, still with a straw but at least drinking the water is refreshing.

"That a boy, son, you have always been full of determination, always been proud of you for it, you set your mind to a goal then work hard to achieve it, not sure I tell you enough, but I am, very proud of you and love you very much" I know my Dad, I remember her last days and I feel like he my mention that now.

"This brings back the memories of your Mom's last days, wanted to make sure I told her every time she was awake that I love her, she replied I know, me too" I can hear how choked up he is in his voice, like when he was fighting back tears so Mom wouldn't see, but she knew, how much we loved her, how we would miss her, how hard it was on all of us having to say goodbye, I could feel him put his hand on my right hand and squeeze it, I did my best to squeeze back, " I worried when the doctors told me that you had flat lined but that they brought you back that you were out of surgery, I panicked, did I tell him enough?, did I show you enough?, should we have played catch instead of building cars?"

As he talks I feel like I am crying, not sure if tears really are running down my face, but it feels like it, "Son I love you and I am proud for you and I am here for you until my dying day" if I wasn't really crying before I am now, he squeezes my hand and again I try to squeeze back, not sure how strong or weak it felt to him, but I know he's choked up, with the struggles of recovery it is good to hear.

When my speech fully returns I will have to tell him that I was sure Mom was there with me, that the memories of her, her words of love and wisdom echoed within my heart and soul and gave me some pretty peaceful moments, I take in a deep breath and here goes nothing "TH...an..ks..D..a..d..Lo..ve..you" this feels like a win a victory, maybe more words are on there way and this stutter will disappear and lose the rough raw voice and back to my own.

Even with this blurred vision I know Dad let out tears, hard not to when your son can barely talk but manged to say love you. Florence and more staff came in, looks like it's time for a myriad of tests to begin, Dad gives me a kiss on my forehead, grown man but still his little boy, "Take good care of my boy Florence, he's all yours, I am off to update the team, I'll be out of your way, but Jonathan my boy, I will try and swing by tonight before visiting hours are over, be good for the nurses."

Fun an afternoon full of tests, going for x-rays, CT scan's, ultra sounds, blood work, throat swab, tests for my eyes my ears, reflexes, I did end up falling asleep a little in between tests, could be boredom, could be pain, maybe a combo with pain meds mixed in, speech still not great so most of the time they had me use my right hand to point to boards to help answer questions, I know they can't take as much time with me as the nurses on the ward I am on, it's almost as fast paced as racing, always testing, never really stopping, just shift changes and some times slower then others, I mean it is a hospital and emergency's happen, life saving tests are given priority.

Unlike my need for speed, theirs saved lives and I know mine was one of them, one or two staff seemed very rude but I know they are most likely coming to end of shift and tired or maybe they lost some one on their shift today, I do my best to answer the questions with the point board as fast as I can, after all the results men a yes or no for food and I would like more then water like maybe soup.

Right now I still have the feeding tube, all the tests must have been two or three hours, not awake for all of it, on the way from each machine I ended up napping, not that I really wanted to, I fell asleep waiting on the porter to take me back to my private room, My boss really has given all of us amazing coverage, worlds best boss ever, it really has been a honor driving for him, I really would like to keep working for him, who knows maybe one day be a boss like him, taking care of all the employees and not just giving the best to the drivers like some race teams have but really making it like a family, creating that safe work space.

I wake up back in my room, I noticed the radio was on, felt touches but not sure who's kind a out of it, think they gave me higher pain meds, I pointed to a high number after the last test as it created a wave of huge pain, but when I heard the voice I knew it was Florence, guess she is this wards Darlene.