Waiting For Results

"No test results Moose, but I am speaking with the doctor about trying some soup, may not be hot and be with a straw but it's a good step, think you can tell me ok?" should I cry or laugh? soup with a straw, oh boy, must be really broken if I am really all the way back to baby steps like this but "OO..KK..TH...a..n..k.s!" I feel her rub my hand "in the mean time Moose I hope your not shy, as it's sponge bath time, if your ok with it I will even turn the music up" I like that idea " Ye..ss, PPLe..ase.., Fl..or..re..nce." she gives my hand a squeeze, "see , your making head way, that was a little less shaky not as raw as it has been" she closes the door and turns the music up, I notice a smile but really can't seem to make out more then that, I never really wanted to know eye colors or really notice lipstick, but now I wish I could see those details and not just blurry images.

I notice the warmth of the water as she begins to wash my neck and arm, I close my eyes to picture the day I can have a real bath and shower, or swimming but I have enjoyed the touch factor of the sponge baths and I may end up missing that a little.

Ended up so relaxed that I fell asleep, shouldn't be surprised, that seems to be the current me.

"How you feeling today son?' Dad seems happy to ask, yet I am very much half asleep, I guess I slept through night shift, must of been some sponge bath, yet as tired as I feel waking up, maybe once fully awake I will feel refreshed.

"O..OO..K..K" alive also comes to mind, so does sore, stiff, sleepy, board, alive yet barely living but Dad gets a shaky ok.

"Hello Moose men" the tone of this doctor seems happy, hope he is bringing me good news as I also feel hungry, "Well Moose jr, test results are back and you are healing nicely, now considering the extent of all of your injuries, more tests will take place again in 3 weeks, this will help keep track of healing" really hope I talk better by then.

"We manged to successfully stop the eternal bleeding you had back when rushed here and into surgery, that has healed beautifully, small scar, should fade over time." Ok, thank explains some of the pain I guess.

"We are pleased that there is no more swelling on the brain, but we will still be watching for short and long term effects from head trauma, one of which does seem to be your vision, it was noticed you had some trouble with the point board so as your speech comes back hopefully so will the vision." I had my helmet! How did my head get trauma? The neck brace, the safety belts, all the safety measures, did none of it work?

"The x-ray shows your collar bone is almost healed, that wasn't a deep a break as your legs, so you should be able to move it slowly and not have as much from it" I should have known this wasn't a short list, but now I wonder how much went wrong or did all the safety measures go right and that's why I am alive? Come on Moose focus on what the doc is saying, less of your own thoughts.

"Throat recovering nicely from long exposure to the oxygen you were breathing from the mask while in the coma, with the spray and water you have been drinking that should clear up more n a day or two." Hope my voice and speech do too.

"Tomorrow we will try you on a breakfast shake, then work up to more solids, Jaw needs a little more time that was broken and shows it isn't a 100% yet but close to it." Yup seems like chewing would hurt. Was any part of me not broken?

"So your three broken ribs need more time, and I am worried about your left leg, it appeared to have suffered the most breaks, right leg needs more time was only broken in two places, we had to put a rod and pins in the left leg that is why you didn't under go a MRI, we will watch it very closely but it will need more time, we also have to watch out for nerve damage, so you have healed a lot but still have a long and sadly slow way to go".

That word slow, again, processing just how broken I was, explains why I could only move my right arm and not my left, I guess I hit hardest on the left side, everything was on the left side, but also broke the right leg, I almost want to see my crash and understand what happened.

"Any Questions? " I don't think I can ask any, but I am not sure what I would ask, ok not true, Will I ever race again? but something tells me that is too soon to ask, if I could speak better. "Mr Moose Sr, do you have any questions? Dad doesn't seem to have any, but I found myself trying to speak "TT..VV?".

Not sure why both of them laugh, maybe it was a good sign of recovery, maybe I really seemed to be back to a child like state, but the doctor said "yes we can arrange that!" I think I am smiling "any more questions?" I do have one, hope it comes out "T..i..re..d, W..hy?", Does he understand what I mean? "Well Moose jr, as you know that was a very bad crash, your body has been working really hard to heal, some of the tiredness you feel is your body coping with pain and trying to heal everything at once, you did have some help from a blood transfusion for iron after your blood loss, your pain meds contribute to sleepiness, your on a feeding tube and your body is using all of it's energy, we can increase your vitamins, and I am thinking maybe tomorrow we can wheel you down to get you some sun, also going to star you on some physio therapy with your right arm, just to get the ball rolling, on your long road back."

"OO....KK...Th...an..ks."  I move my head to look over at the direction of my Dad, "What about visitors? The race team would like to start visiting?" That's cool "No more then two at a time, let us know if you need anything or to ask more questions as you have them ok?", deep breath in and "YY..ee..ss..D..oo...cc". The doctor leaves the room.

"I will let the team know that it's more good news" visitors will make things less boring, not that Dad is boring but I know there is more to life then just Dad and Tony, some tv will be nice. The nurse comes in with water, I really wish the shake started today but slow and steady right? I don't exactly have any where to go, I mean home would be nice but if I can hardly move how do I get up the stairs.

When the nurse returns she sets up that bed side tv so I can use it with my right arm, she injects the pain meds and vitamins, another spray and cup of water, I start to get sleepy and I think Dad can tell, "How about you get some rest son? I am going to go eat, I don't have a feeding tube and I am hungry, also gives me a chance to make calls and let Tony and the team know they can start to visit" I nod to tired to actually try speaking, he kisses me on the forehead, my eyes feeling very heavy he turns out the light and before closing the door to the room like I was still a little kid says "Love you son, rest well".

It didn't take much until I fell asleep, thinking of all our happy times soon I regretted not having a love like Mom and Dad's, this time around I need to focus more on fun and less on work, to play not just work.