Chapter 1

I have been sitting outside staring at the beautiful stars wondering what the season will bring. I have been feeling off lately, I am 32 years old and I feel like I am missing the biggest part of life. I have a life that anyone would be more than grateful for. I have a decent job, 3 beautiful daughters, a husband (who tries his best), and the best friends. Nothing in my life has come easily, I was very young when my first daughter was born she is 15. Where does the time go? If I am being honest, I do not worry too much for her. Helga is the best parts of me without the damage. She is loving and kind, awkward in the best ways, but she is strong and independent as well. I have never had much luck with men, I always seem to fall to fast, but then the flame burns out just as quickly. I guess what they say is true, you can have a man of your dreams, but he will always remain there. Being a single mom for the first 2 years was stressful to say the least, but I knew I was giving her the life she deserved.

I had met my husband, Kilian before her second birthday. We were that couple that met and never again was apart. He was always kind and doing anything he could do to help me, even with how difficult I can be. Helga took to him instantly. A few months later we were expecting Ingrid. After she was born, he proposed, we were married and the next year we had Freya. I had complications during Freya’s birth. The doctors said we were lucky she was alive, but I would never have more children. My dreams for a boy were shattered but it was hard to be upset when I was already so blessed. Our lives have been better than most, my children have a happy home, arguments happen but they are settled and moved on. We have always put their needs before our own. At some point we had lost being a couple and just went through the motions. I was starting to feel like Kilian took me for granted. There was still love there, but something was different.

I shake my past thoughts from my head and stare at the moon. Goddess, what am I missing? Why do I feel this emptiness? I want to fulfill my potential and follow the path, but I feel lost. I heard something shake in the trees. It was too big to be a squirrel or opossum like we usually see. I look down at my dog Thor, he looks like he just finished the keg and has not move since first laying down. I guess whatever it is, it was not much of a threat. I looked down at my watch, 9:13 PM. Shit, late again time to go back to reality. I open the screen door to come in from the porch to almost trip over our black cat, when I finally catch my balance, I turn just in enough time to catch the 12 year old chasing the cat. "Whoa man, you almost took me out!” I giggled with her as she turned and hugged me. "Are you ready for the movie? Sorry I got carried away in the stars.” I pointed up and grinned at her.

"Freya started the movie without you mom!” Ingrid now yelling from the living room, clearly trying to get under her sisters’ skin.

“Yeah… well… you have been out here watching it the whole time! And you could’ve like, went and got her or something! Don’t act like you didn’t want me to start it” Freya was not holding back.

“Okay you two, I don’t mind that you started it. I’ll make the popcorn and be right out, try not to kill each other.” I said to them both and gave Freya a gentle shove into the living room. 

After we finished watching Halloween Town the two of them went off to brush their teeth and get into bed. I went to check on Helga who had stayed in her room surrounded by books and papers, her laptop resting on top of 3 rather thick books. I opened the door and told her not to stay up to late and reminded her she has school in the morning and sleep is important then stepped back to close the door.

“Why do I feel like I want to explode whenever I get a little upset lately?" She spoke softly but I could still hear the frustration in her voice.

“Well babe,” I closed the door and took a seat in her chair after moving some books to the side, “you are a teenager, and well… hormones are a bitch.” I smiled at her to try to ease her tension. I remember when I was 15, I was angry at the world. My brothers did everything they could to be there for me, but they had no idea what it was like to be a teenage girl, boys had it easy. “To be honest I think our abilities make it worse than just being an ‘average teen’, but the more you learn how to control it, the easier it will be. I know it’s not what you want to hear right now, but it will make you stronger, but keep you humble.” I finished up not knowing what else to say. I don’t know what I would have wanted someone to say to me. “Just know I am here for you, and I will help you any way I can.”

She smiled and replied, “Well in a few weeks I will finally have my permit, once I have my license, at least I can avoid the bus with all those freshmen!” She grinned at the thought.

“Well you could always ride your bike everywhere you need to go.” I said it with extreme sarcasm, knowing that we live 7 miles from town and about 16 to the school alone.

She laughed at my joke and I saw the tension leave her body. She was finally relaxing. I stood and leaned over to place a kiss on her forehead. “Goodnight babe, I will drive you to school tomorrow so you can skip the bus ride.” Her face lit up and she left her floor of books and crawled into bed.

I closed the door and turned around to see Freya standing behind me in the hall. I swear she could teleport or something with how she just appeared placed. “Mom, come here” She said placing her hand on my forehead. Being 5’5 it wasn’t a stretch for her at 5‘2 to reach me. I felt a calm wash over my body and tension that I had been feeling all day dissipate.

“There, now you can rest to, goodnight” She placed a kiss on my cheek and went back to her bed. She was the strongest of them, I knew there was a chance that she would be younger than the other two were when she started showing her abilities. Kilian first noticed when she was 3. I noticed a few things when she was around 18 months old, but I figured it was just in my head. It made school difficult until she was around 9 and could understand that not everyone wanted her to help them. I was able to homeschool her which only allowed her abilities to develop more over the years. Every parent thinks their child is special, I had no doubts that she was. I just had no clue what was really in store for her.

There is a ‘gift’ some get in my family. A gift, a curse, a blessing, each person who has lived with it has developed a certain "deal with it" attitude about it. It skipped the last 2 generations and everyone that had previously experienced it, was now gone. My grandmother was the last that knew of it and passed in my teenage years. She tried to discuss it with me, but I was a very stubborn, headstrong teen. If I only knew how important that time was and done what I was told… There are a few journals that have been passed down and that is my only resource when trying to learn. Social media was becoming a benefit for witches to connect from all over the world. As technology advanced, more of the older witches were beginning to join and sharing their wisdom.

I was proud of how far I had grown over the last 16 years. I decided that with my newfound peace, bestowed upon me by my loving Freya, that I would spend sometime outside and try to speak with the goddess. I can’t shake this feeling that the world is about to explode or something. The last time I felt this type of impending doom it was before September 11, 2001. I shook the horrible feeling that always came with remembering that day. I opened my trunk and grabbed my blanket and candle before heading outside.   

I arrived at my gazebo that was secluded in the back corner of the clearing about 20 yards before the tree line. There is a fire pit about 50 yards to the North. I set my supplies down and centered myself. If there is one thing I have learned, I needed to have a clear mind. After taking a few deep breaths, I took a match and put it to the candle. I sat on the blanket, about to begin, when I had an overwhelming feeling to stop. My body was on fire, I had never felt this happen before. I swear my skin was slightly glowing. I grabbed my knife from my boot slowly as I was looking around.

At first nothing seemed off at all, I was feeling like an idiot for feeling the need to pull my knife out. Witches can’t actually turn around and freeze something in mid-air like they show on tv. I heard another twig snap and I turned towards the tree line. I could see eyes and I relaxed a little. Freak out over a lost dog or something, great Astrid, you are winning at this whole ‘sane’ thing. I scolded myself. I looked into those eyes and took a few steps towards them. I moved carefully to avoid scaring it off.

“Hey there, not sure if you’re a male or female, so I am just going to call you guy, okay?” I was still slowly stepping towards the tree line and heard the dog huff in response.

“Sorry, sorry, guy is not good, uhhh, how about we just use babe?” I paused and stopped moving for a moment. Nothing happened so I continued, “I am not sure if your lost, but if your hungry I can grab you some food from inside, and we can try to figure out where you belong.” I stopped walking about 10 feet from the darkness. “Can you come out and say hi while I check you for a collar?” I stood in place waiting for some movement. This dog was smart, he was almost inside a bush his eyes looked big but we have a lot of people who have wolf-dog hybrids in the area so I just assumed it was one of the more wolf less dogs that I haven’t seen.

He began to back into the bush, I was excited to think he was finally trusting me. After the bush stopped moving, I couldn’t make anything out, his eyes were gone and the darkness allowed no light. I wish I would have thought to grab my flashlight on the way out. Then I heard the dog take off at the speed of light and again nothing. Well I didn’t want to be your friend either. I thought to myself slightly hurt by the random animal’s rejection.

I walked back over to the gazebo and just as I was about to sit down, I heard footsteps in the tree line, but these were human footsteps, not the dogs. “I don’t know who you are or what you want, if you are looking for the dog that just ran that way,” I pointed in the direction I thought it headed, “then I will let you pass, but this is private property.

“I don’t mean you any harm,” he said stepping out of the darkness, a 6’5 god like man standing at the edge of the trees to the left. He had brownish red hair that was to his shoulders. Please let it be his dog, I prayed. I felt like I had seen him somewhere before. Just then the wind blew, and his scent filled my senses. I wanted to inhale as much of the beautiful mixture of cedar with sandalwood.

He had his hands slightly up showing me as he made eye contact for the first time. He had these hazel eyes that I was instantly lost in. We stayed there just staring at each other for a few minutes to long. His voice came again clearer this time, “You don’t know me yet, but I have been searching for you for years, not the ‘dog’” He forced the last word. I froze in place. Years? Great if I am about to die, I want to be sitting down. I took a walked towards the fire pit and took a seat, he followed and stood for a moment before sitting down.

“Why are you looking for someone you have never met? Or was that just the best pick-up line you could come up with?” I asked him, irritation in my voice but I was glad he was finally sitting. I didn’t need him to talk at all, I just wanted to feel my skin against his. Climb into his lap and push my fingers into his hair pulling him close… His carried himself well, so much confidence. I wish there were a light closer so I could get a better look at his features.

He flashed a grin, “I didn’t say we have never met, I just said you do not know me.” I leaned back. Well thanks for clearing that up Casanova.

“Okay well if I haven’t met you, let me inform you of something. I don’t do games. I don’t know why you are here, what you want, or why someone as gorgeous as you would look for someone who is just average pretty like me…” I was getting off topic. I have never been one to hold back and I hated being confused. He smiled and I was in awe, he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. “Please, just explain, no riddles.” I felt like I should smile and be friendly but I was over the mysterious act.

He must play hockey or football. I thought as my eyes danced around his body. There is no way there are men that look like that just walking around being an accountant. I just want to wrap my legs around him and never let go. My eyes continued down towards the end of his shirt. He had good fitting jeans on. I could see his manhood putting slight pressure on his pants… WOW.

His chuckle brought me back to the conversation. Just then I noticed, I have not heard or felt anything from him. That is strange. Why can’t I sense you? Whatever just ask. I thought to myself. Like he read my mind, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a crystal with ruins carved into it. He set it down on the arm of the chair.

Suddenly, I could start to sense his emotions. Nervous. He was nervous? Excited. I could feel extreme stress trying to rise, but he was pushing it deeper. Love, passion, and dedication. All the emotions were intense, like they partially belonged to me. It was like I have known him for thousands of years; cedar and sandalwood filled my sense of smell and a warmth came over my body that caused me to completely relax. I just wanted to stay here forever. I no longer felt like something was missing from my life. He met me no harm, was he in love with me, is it a crazy obsession? How can he be if we have never met before?

Like a door being slammed in my face, everything I could feel disappeared. My breathing became difficult, like the wind was knocked out of me. I started pushing at the barrier that was keeping me from him. It was like a rock wall, there was no moving it.

“My name is Alexander. My family calls me Lex. The reason you can’t feel me is this,” he holds out the crystal that he had picked back up, “It’s a protection crystal that you infused with your magic a thousand years ago.”

“How long have you been watching me? Wait… I infused it. A thousand years ago? How? What?” The questions just kept coming.

He paused for a moment before answering. “I have been in the background for about a year. I have been searching for you since I awoke, but you were not where I expected you to be. So, it took me a few extra years, 8 to be total. Yes, you used the crystals protection abilities and modified it to be a shield. Whoever possess it, can be guarded from certain abilities. Anything psychic really.” He was so proud as he spoke. “We have been reincarnated over many lifetimes. Each one, we find each other and try to fulfill our destiny that the gods chose us for.”

I said nothing. At this point I’m sure that I am dreaming. Maybe that joint that I smoked earlier was laced with something that is making me hallucinate. Yes, that has got to be it. Feeling better about my revelation, I decide to jump on the roller coaster ride and follow his lead. Maybe this will result in some sexy role playing when he teaches me a lesson. I internally giggled.

When I didn’t respond he spoke again, “It’s a long story and I believe your husband will be home soon, Kilian right? I will never harm any of you, and none of you will know I am here. I am just here to protect you.”

My mind began to race. Wait, you think I am okay with you lurking around my house, like okay, thank you and be on my way?! I have a thousand more questions than I had before now. But he is right, Kilian will be home sooner than later, and I do not want to try to explain having some strange, sexy, muscular man, hanging around in the back yard. I needed to center myself to prevent one of my legendary outbursts.

“Wait, what do you mean here to protect us? From what? I know you have your old crystal and all, but my wards are insane.” I said proudly, “There has never been a breech. I never thought someone would hang out in the woods for a year, so it seems I am going to need to expand outwards to the borders. Thanks for that.” I always needed to be sarcastic when I was feeling challenged. “And why do you think that you can just tell me your name and I am okay with you creeping in the shadows watching me AND MY 3 DAUGHTERS! You clearly do not know me or anything about me.” Pushing the way he made my body feel to the bottom of my stomach, I went into full “mama bear” mode on this man.

“You think it isn’t creepy that you know what time my husband gets home?! I don’t even know what time he gets home, and I live with him!” Okay, that was a little out there for me. I was so flustered, but I could not stop. And let’s be honest, its true. “And for the record I have never…” He held his hand up to cut me off. I hate when people do that. But my mouth closed stopped moving and I waited for him to speak.

“I can’t dive into all of the information now. I understand you want answers and I want to give them to you. A lot of this will seem crazy, but you are the queen of crazy in every lifetime.” Okay, maybe he does know me. “We are met to be together; you can call it soul mates if you want, there have been many names over the years. We usually just stick to mate. The basics… We were married for the first time over 3000 years ago and after every lifetime we reincarnate. Our Gods blessed us both, and together we will fulfill our destiny. For our first wedding, we were gifted the ability to live on forever, the catch being that we need to start over. The gods no longer create immortals; we are not vampires either, our souls will not move on until we complete our purpose.

We will continue to return to this plane together until we have fulfilled our destiny. Unlike other souls when they reincarnate, we remember our past. I brought you this tea, it will help bring back your memories. I am not sure why this time your memory never restored. The more times we are reincarnated the harder it is for the human forms to process so much information. It is my fault I took so long to find you this time. Every time we come back it takes longer for us to find our way to each other. I have just turned 36 years old and this is the longest it has ever taken me to find you. 8 years.” He kept saying 8 years like it was a lifetime.

I did not know how to respond to anything he just said. I wanted to yell at him and tell him he is crazy, to get the hell away from me. After everything in my life, I had been through, the one thing that kept me going is when we die, we are returned to the earth and at peace with nature. Now I am being told I will never have peace until I complete some “mission” or “destiny” that started 3000 years ago? Come on!

He was fidgeting with a purple sack, “I brought you this,” he handed me the small bag with what felt like herbs inside it, “it’s a special tea, it will help you bring back your memories of past lives. Take your time, I know this is a lot to process. I had my reasons for staying in the shadows. But tonight, the goddess had different plans, I got to close earlier when you hear me.” He was blushing, “I caught your scent and felt the goddess’ pushing me towards you. I was fighting it with everything in my body. I was able to gain control at the last minute. I needed to come back tonight, I can no longer stay away. I needed you to know I am out here. Whenever you are ready for me to be, I will be here.”

I took the tea from him. “Wait, is the dog still out there?” It was my attempt to change the subject, and I was failing. “Okay. What happens now?” As I spoke both of us noticed the headlights from the car pulling in the driveway.

“I need to go.” He stated.

“I have at least 10 minutes for him to get inside and even notice I am not in there. He can’t see out here without a light, is there anything else that I need to know?”

He froze and turned his head to look at me. “Not everything in our life has been happy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. I know I am pretty jealous and possessive, in the past I have killed men just for looking at you.” A low growl rumbled from his chest. “I won’t hurt your husband,” he pointed towards the house, “I will follow whatever you decide to do, we don’t need to discuss it anytime soon. You will forever be my everything, and I will do anything to make you happy, even if that means staying in the shadows. I will always protect you princess.”

I looked at him with a smile, I do not know how but he can sense every worry in my body. How am I supposed to figure out what to do with a husband and a 3000-year-old-multi-lifetime-soul-mate relationship? At least I have time to decide.

“Oh, yeah,” he says.

“Astrid! Are you out there?” Yells Kilian from the house.

I look back towards Lex, he has a devilish grin on his face, “There was no dog, I am a wolf.”

My eyes must have been huge, I mean come on, werewolves do not exist. I held up my finger and turned my head back towards the house. “I’ll be right there Kil!” When I turned back around, he was gone. A beautiful sunflower lay on the arm of the chair he was sitting in with a note.

Astrid~

Tomorrow 1:30 PM

I’ll bring the food

you eat, I’ll explain.

Forever yours, L.

Well, I should start a list, I thought as I was walking back towards the house. The yard was not huge, only about 2 acres cleared the rest was filled with beautiful trees. They are right against the state forest for added access. I wanted my fire pit out far so I would not have to hear the commotion in the house or have the lights shining towards the fire. Kilian had already gone back inside. I cannot believe he is a werewolf, and so open about it. Or he is trying to pull one over on me. I have not heard anything of a real existence. There are always stories to have you wonder about what was written in the books. If they did exist once, but there is no way they go undetected now. That dog wasn’t big enough to be a wolf… let alone a werewolf. Not to mention, witches would know. Wouldn’t we?

After I opened the door Kilian looked at me with a side smile, “What are you doing out there and no fire?” He asks.

“Oh, I thought it would be a nice night to have a conversation with the gods, but I got distracted and then you called, I think I am ready to get some sleep now though.” He nodded and turned around. “Hey, are you hungry or anything? I know it is late, but I can make something if you are, the girls ate so fast I didn’t have a chance to make you a plate before they finished it all. Are you sure they aren’t boys tricking us?” I asked him, feeling slightly guilty for just having a weird moment in the back yard with a strange man and not telling him.

“No, I am not, I can feed myself.” He said walking into the other room.

I grab a bottle of water and head into the living room. Something was looming over him and I wasn’t sure if it had anything to do with the gorgeous man that was just in the back yard. There is no way he would know he was out there. That is how he was always feeling lately, but every time I tried to ask, he just avoided the questions.

I decided to send a quick message to my best friend who is like a sister to me. I needed to discuss what just happened with her, before this lunch date I have tomorrow.

Hey girlie, something crazy happened.

Don’t worry I am fine, but I need you to call me tomorrow before noon.

Love ya! Nite.

After I hit send, I plugged the phone in next to the bed and crawled into the blankets to try to make sense of the day. I heard the phone buzz and smiled. I am sure it’s something like, ‘you can’t say that then go to bed’ but I’ll talk to her in the morning.