Chapter 12. The table within

Yet to be discharged from the hospital, Akwa had not said a word to anyone since she awoke. And it has been half a day, all she did was just cry all along. The doctor affirmed her physically fit, however, the heart was sore, burdened and heavy. She imagined what it'll be like for Jason in prison, how her life was going to be without him around. Her mother had been trying all day long to get her eat something at least, not forgetting the fact that she failed to get her to talk. 

"He didn't do it," she finally spoke. 

Her mother was filled with joy as she heard her speak finally, not minding what she said. 

"He took the fall for me," another turn of tears began. "I put him in there."

"No baby," her mother gainsayed. "He confessed, he's paying for his crimes not you. It's only good that he did the right thing by stepping up with the truth."

Akwa was too weak and groggy for any long disagreement or anger demonstration. She grossly stared at her mother and maintained cool. 

"You're just like everyone else, you don't believe my story. You probably shouldn't be here," she said with dejection. "Just do me a favor and let me be, I want to be left alone."

Her mother instantly began feeling guilty by her words and quickly tried to amend her knowledge of the whole thing, but it was too late. What she picked to believe is what will stick to, it doesn't matter if she turns her mouth around in favour of Akwa's side of the story. 

"I'm sorry bu. . ."

"Just reached to my roommate and tell her to get my journal," Akwa interrupted. "I really got an update to do."

Her mother had no choice but to let her be, considering the circumstances she'd been through, the emotional trauma, rough handling and pain. Definitely she deserved a vacation. 

While Akwa sat in the lobby, she observed the people passing up and down before her, watching the waders involve in different activities, each peculiar to them. She was there not quite long ago and was instantly attended to. As a matter of fact, at that instance she was waiting for Jason to be brought forward to her. A short while later, she was escorted to a room and Jason already sat there, at the other side of a table. They both rushed upon each other like two magnets and embraced, then passionately kissing like blood starved vampires. The wader looked away and quietly stepped aside with hands at the back like a statue. 

"I'm so sorry, Olie," tears dropped down her cheeks. 

"It's okay," he dried her tears off with his thumbs. "Don't worry, none of this is your fault Belle. I chose it."

They proceeded and sat down, hands still cloaked together.

"Now who's the stupid one?" She asked and they two chuckled. 

"You went through all that just to give me an intense celebration, this is my way of paying back."

"I've messed up big time," she aimlessly stared up. "And you're now paying for my sins. The same way you couldn't live without me out there is the same thing here. Every night is too long, the void is killing me."

"It's no difference here, I miss you each moment of every second. But it's better you're out there and not in here, it gives me peace of mind."

"Your studies, just in few weeks you would've been done. Your parents, you told me how proud they were of you and looking forward for what you'd become in the near future. Because of me all that is gone," she bowed her face. "Believe it or not, Olie, I've ruined your life."

"No!" He held her chin up. "This is for you, and I'm glad. Remember when I was in the hospital, I told you I'd do it over again, anything crazy just for you to be safe. We love each other, that's all that matters. 

She reached out and placed her palm on his cheek. 

"I'll forever be your Belle, no other. And I promise to be there whenever you're out, we'll be together always and for ever. I love you."

She kissed him and it was time to say goodbye. The wader being in there with them got emotional and handled Jason cruelty free as other waders would do the opposite. 

"One more thing," Jason said at the brink of the door. "Check under my drawer, you'll see some files there, documents actually. All you need to do is just sign, the house is yours from now on. I need you to stay close till I return, at least the house is filled with memories of us."

She smiled in tears, unable to speak. Her four fingers covered to her mouth to contain the pressing sound of her cry. 

Being staying in a guest house during all her stay in Jos, Akwa's mother had just dropped by Jason's residence, where of course Akwa currently base. Her mother prepared that morning to return back to Benue state as everything was normal. She had passed from school earlier but Nanklin brought her there instead, to Akwa. 

Her mother marvelled at Jason's kind gestures to her daughter, seeing how with a blind eye he handled the house to her and being in prison for her as well. She in her heart ultimately appreciated him endlessly, but she wouldn't say out loud as exact in her mind, because it will stand against what she was at the moment passing to Akwa. 

"I now realize how much you mean to him," she raised after having breakfast. "How much he loves you, my baby. And I think he'll still understand if you decide to move on."

"What are you saying, Ma?" she sought clarification. 

Her mother held her cheek in her palm. 

"Look, I understand how much you two love each other. But see, he's now in prison and what you're doing to yourself is bad, totally against what he would want. He will need you to be happy, move on, studies, find a life after that and live a normal life away from this depression."

Akwa took her face away from her reach and stood up. 

"You don't understand, he's my life, my world. There is no other awesome life away from him. I will wait ten more years if I have to."

Nanklin however leaned on the kitchen door folding her arms. 

"Akwa, please," her mother roused up to her. "I know it's hard, the same pain I felt when I lost your father," she cried. "Please I don't want to loose you too, you're my pride and I've always looked forward to that day you'll make it in life and be great. Please, this shouldn't stop you from getting there. You're blessed, favoured, and one way or the other, I think it's God's doing that you're out here to fulfill your dreams, our dreams. Just move on with your life, be happy, that doesn't mean you've forgotten about him, when he's out you two can still catch up. With how much he loves you, he would want you to move on well with time and not allow time pass you by."

Akwa was already wet in tears and her mother embraced her, then left. Nanklin walked down to her and covered her in her arms, sitting on the couch. 

"In as much as I hate to say this, but your mother is right, you have to move on," Nanklin averred. 

"No," Akwa released herself from her grasp. "Each time I go to see him the connection gets stronger and I miss him more. The more I visit not to miss him the more I miss him, all over again."

"Then you stop visiting frequent, you go once in a while. Please, you deserve to be happy, he saw that and he gave you a second chance, Jason gave you a second chance. So tell me, are you to waste it on crying and depressions everyday in the next ten years? You have to secure a better future for yourself so that he could fit in when he's out. You're in 300 level, continue with your studies, live normal and happy, and Jason himself will be proud to get out and see what you'd become. Just like your mother said, be a great woman."

"It's not as easy as you think!" Akwa yelled. "That you don't know."

Nanklin stood up and faced her sitting. 

"I don't? I was there remember? All along I've been there, I knew how it started, how it went and how it freaking is right now!"

"You were not entirely there, how it all started," Akwa said softly. 

"Of course," Nanklin replied slightly unpleasant. "Remind me again, on facebook, of course. Sit here and whine all day," she went for her purse. "Jason should see how fucked up you're right now and realize what a waste of time he's having in prison," she concluded and finally left. 

A short moment after Nanklin left, Akwa began feeling sorry how she spoke carelessly. She admitted what an awesome and loyal friend and roommate Nanklin had been over the years. She however compared Nanklin's past contribution of wisdom on her activities, especially with Jason which went well. She had always been right about issues concerning her and had been really helpful, but the at hand condition had never been required of her wisdom, because it wasn't a Deja Vu moment. She stressed her thoughts of what her mother said, what she had been through, how she got to the level of life she is and above all, Jason's reaction to her moving on. Well, she was also conscious of not involving a replacement for Jason as part of her moving on, that was totally out of her league, because she knew it wouldn't be possible even if she wanted. 

At the prison, as usual they sat conversing with a table separating them, plus they never forget to hold hands. But something was a bit unusual that day about Jason. The ecstasy and eagerness at which he'd welcome her had depreciated. Even while they talk, she noticed the lacklustre expression in him. 

"What's the matter," she asked. 

He sighed and replied, "Today is the seventh time in two weeks you've visited, an. . ."

"You don't want me visiting?" She hastily asked. 

"No it's not that," he waggled his head. "Yeah, maybe."

She looked puzzled, seemed not to get his point, still, she waited patiently for him to get there. He then squeezed her hands tightly but not a matter to hurt her. This behavior kind of scared her. 

"Belle," he continued. "I really love it that you frequently come around, but as good as it does, it does bad too, when you leave. I miss you alot in here, but in time I begin to get use to it, face the reality that we can't be together as we were. When I'm getting there you then come around, and when you leave, I begin to feel the same way all over again, learn to live without you all over again, and believe me it hurts so much, missing you all the time."

She was mute for a short moment, then a tear dropped down and she immediately wiped it off. Not like she was displeased to here him say that or think he's trying to stop her from visiting, but she realized it was the truth because she goes through the same experience as he. In that case, they're both hurting, the more they meet each other in that situation, the more they ruin a little bit of chance to mind free of depression, to a better and fated life. With every time they spent together with a table inbetween them, it resets their pain, their desire to be together in the free world. And that was a burden they two cannot bear anymore, he knew what needed to be done, as well she, but the question is who was going to pull the plug?

"Believe me, I totally understand how you feel," she admitted. 

"Please Belle, stay away for a while, it will really help me settle with my fate in peace. Do not let your life out there be influenced by my thoughts in your head, nor should you let it stand in the way of your success. I took your place here so you could accomplish your dream and make your family proud. Make me proud."

"How about you making your family proud?"

"My dad used to tell me, that when I was born, an Alhaji looked at me and said 'wanan baban mutum ne', it means 'big man'. And my parents affirmed that the moment I became an author, so I think I'll stick to that even here in my new home."

She smiled from his aphorism, but quite a mixture of smile and sorrow. 

"What did your parents say about this?"

"They were here, tried to work a way for me out it didn't worked. I confessed, and drugs is one hell of crime. Plus I think it's best if I don't talk about them further, I'm getting over letting them down so I want to keep it that way."

"Tell me what to do, please," she requested, already bending her face to the will of her urge to cry. 

He held her chin and smiled.

"Just always be my Belle alone, eat as much sandwiches you can make, and I'm looking forward to our dance."

She however maneuvered her way through her heavy burdened heart and chuckled lively. The wader also released his hands from the back and Jason knew it was time for him to go, so he without stress stood and so did Akwa, and they embraced. 

"Just a second, please officer," she demanded. 

The wader nodded and stayed back. Akwa then ran her fingers through his neck and stopped at the back of it, and the other hand on his cheek. With a gummy attachment of her body against his, and her left leg slightly lifted to the back, she made a sticky grip of his lips kissing, and they literally suckled on each others tongue for a minimum time of thirty seconds. The wader had grown quite fond of them and their love afflictions, so he smiled as they finally released each other. 

"Before I forget, Belle, " Jason said. "Get me your journal and a hard covered exercise book. I think got a good story to write."

She nodded avidly and he was finally escorted back to his main domain. 

For the first time since the beginning of the storm she has taken the breath of life. As she exhaled, so did her depression flew out along with it, she breath in a new one. She left the prison hanging a smile truly determined by her inner most flow of peace. She simply in her heart accorded Jason the best and the best thing that have ever happened to her. 

She however surprised Nanklin with a grin as she waited on her door. The grin howbeit carried more than just peace, but a 'sorry' as well, which certainly meant one thing, Nanklin was again right as always. But their bond was stronger than they knew themselves, a gestured smile or not, apology or not, Nanklin's arms were widely open ever before Akwa thought of stopping by.