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Chapter Nine
publish date:
2020-10-11 20:22:26JAMEELA
I struggled with the ropes holding me down on the bed. My was head pounding more and more with each movement but I still struggled, I had too, I had to get out from here, now.
Everything was so dark and blurry, the darkness was closing in on me, I felt it choking me. The shadows were everywhere, surrounding me, overwhelming me, my fear was rising by the second and I felt the bile rising up my throat. I had to get out.I struggled even more with the ropes holding me down in a bid to free myself from the darkness but the more I struggled the more it enveloped itself around me, enclosing and overwhelming, mocking at my helplessness.My panic was beyond leaps and bounds by now and I felt my skin crawling with it. My mind knew there was no escape but my body tried to find a way, tried to break free of the ropes on my hands and feet bruising them in the process.My struggles did nothing to save me just weakened my already weak body. I heard him laugh and taunt me, to get up, to free myself if I could. He walked extremely slow to the bed where I was tied up, his slow steps, unnerving my already unnerved nerves. My heart was hammering in my chest and I had already moved my body away from him as far as the ropes allowed me by the time he was climbing the bed. My eyes were frantically searching the room looking for an escape route, avoiding his death glare in the process. I felt his fist come down on my face and my hands were totally useless to try to stop it, being tied up. My voice was strained and scratchy from crying, begging and screaming so much.I felt the reminant of my clothes being torn, words being spewed, fist flying and inflicting pain, hands roaming without a care, my body being used. Then there was pain, nothing but pain in its fullest, in its extreme, in its rawest form and there was nothing I could do.Helplessness and despair engulfed me, clawing at me trying to tear me apart. I screamed.I woke up screaming.
The nightmares were at it again, sigh. I could still feel the helplessness wrapping itself around me. My entire body was literally dripping with sweat and still vibrating from the fear my body had to go through again because of that dream. Sighing I checked the time on my phone, 1:23, I can't believe I slept that long. I had insomnia due to trauma and had to take a sedative to be able to sleep at all, and they only gave me a max of six hours of dreamless sleep and I could only take one a day. I dragged myself out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a cold shower.Done with my shower I dressed up in one of my favorite barbie nighties. Settling on my reading table I brought out my books to study for my tests next week.Most times I read at night cause that's when there was no distraction around. Opening my biology text book I put on my ear phones and put Bird set free by Sia on replay. I needed to protect my mind from the fear gnawing at my insides that my nightmare had prompted so I put the song's volume on the highest and read my biology so my mind had to space to think on my fears.God, writing and music are my santuraries, they are my safe havens and my escape, my passion. They hold me up when I can no longer do it, encourage me and give me hope, help me to appreciate each new day I see. I would have been long gone if not for them, especially God.I read through the night till 5am of course, thanks to Maria, going through my biology, geography and civic texts. I was so ready for that test but unfortunately not ready for school yet my wounds we're still healing and missing a day of school wasn't possible because Maria wouldn't let me, urghh. What am I going to do? Wear alot of concealer and foundation and wear that your hoodie to hide your face a little bit more, no one would notice, my head voice suggested
'Not like they notice you anyway', the other head voice countered.I think I will just name them, considering the fact that they are always butting into my thoughts, Magi for the good one and Margaret for the bad one.
'Hey why do I get to be called Margaret, that's such an old school name'Magaret whined. 'Its because you are very naughty', Magi immediately replied her''Ohh shut up'I made up my mind that I wasn't going to worry about, I would just take Magi's advice and everything would be okay. With that settled I went to the bathroom to get ready for church with the thoughts of if I was gradually losing my mind going through my head.
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What an emotional chapter, what do y'all think? Drop a comment if you loved it.
Do you guys think Jameela is slowly losing her mind, naming the voices in her head and all that?
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Love Stephanie ❤
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