CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 1

Vanessa

Life has been dull ever since dad died. He's the type of person who deserves to live longer, the kind of man that any person would love to become a friend, a man makes himself a light to a person's dark life. With his big, fat belly, fair stubble, and friendly face, people would mistake him for a younger version of Santa Claus, especially with his warm "Ho-ho-ho" laugh, not to mention his habit of helping out to those oppressed, especially the homeless. He always gives money to every homeless person he passed by and earn money to give gifts to them and the orphans for Christmas. I'd love to think of him as a lovely, ginormous gift from God himself. Even though he did not have the perfect physical appearance, he has the perfect attitude that everyone would likely to possess. He was a loving person to humanity, he was a loving colleague to his co-workers, he was a loving husband to his wife, he was a loving father to his children. He was full of love, full of life and now... he's dead. He's no longer living anymore. He was no longer breathing because of me.

I could still remember that day, the day he died. I was there, I was fucking there, I was with him that day. Every detail of that day haunts every second of each day, starting from the moment until I close my eyes to sleep, every part of that traumatizing day kills me, physically, mentally, emotionally. It was pure torture, the guilt, the pain. I feel every bit of it, and I fucking deserve it because I let him die. I didn't grab my chance to save him. I dropped my head down on my knees as that haunting memory if that fateful day flashed itself before my mind like it was yesterday. The dirty smell of the soaked road, thick blood streaming heavily along with the pouring rain, the pain I felt on every part of my body as I cry for help while forcefully staring at my dad's pale, dead face, eyes closed and blood seeping out from his lips.

"Vannie, sweetheart? Where are y-oh, there you are," I was taken aback from painful reminiscing when a voice and a series of profound clicking of shoes coming closer as if someone's coming towards my direction. Lazily, I lifted my head and saw my very own mother, giving me a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She looked both stunning and horrible in her dark blue cardigan, white shirt and leggings matched with a pair of doll shoes possessing the same color as her cardigan, sophisticated with her ponytail and younger with her make-up that concealed all of her wrinkles and the dark red puffs below her semi-wet eyes. I can tell that she's been crying all night long.

Even though my muscles felt heavy like a million bucks, I managed to give off a small smile, "Hey mom," I greeted her with my voice faint and hoarse that I've overly used by shouting dad's name during his funeral. I ignored the vile feeling that crawled up to my throat.

I was confounded when mom sat on the side of my bed and leaned towards me, and reached out a hand, wiping a thumb on my cheek. That was when I noticed a tear came rolling down my cheek. I automatically staggered back and wiped my cheeks with a small sniff.

"Oh, sweetheart," I heard her gasped, "I know, it's hard thinking that dad's already gone," she said, the octave of her voice getting softer and thicker at every word she's said, "But, Vannie, we need to move on," my heart clenched dearly when I heard her said those words in a thick voice. I know that she's trying to be strong for us even though she's at her weakest state right now, and I admire her so much for that. Among the three of us left in this family, mom's the one who is most affected by dad's death, I've witnessed her crying nonstop since she heard his death, she also hasn't had a decent meal and sleeps in days since then.

I removed my hands from my face and just nodded at her, "I know, mom. I know," I said, trying at my best not to cry. It pains me to accept the fact that dad's dead, I know that I badly need to move on but how can I do it if he's crawling his way into my heart and mind simultaneously. Every time that wounds are starting to heal bit by bit, the memory of what happened that day always flash before my eyes, tearing my scar fresh once again.

She caressed my cheek and looked at lovingly, "Good," she went on her feet, "Now, stand up and get yourself ready, we're leaving in 15 minutes," she reminded me and I just nodded wordlessly, clenching my fists on my side, remembering something that forgot: we're moving out. Eventually, after dad's death, we found out from his lawyer that other than the insurance money, we will also receive and obtain property of our former house and a brand new Cruze which he had just bought a week prior his death, which was supposed to be his surprise for us for his wedding anniversary with mom. As much as I don't want to leave this place for the sake of our memories with dad, we need to since coincidentally, mom was assigned to a new office that is near to our old house and just as she said earlier, for the sake of moving on. And I couldn't help but agree. If I want to save myself, mom, and Zach from succumbing to depression, then even if it hurts, we will move out of this house. The house we've made most of our fun memories in.

"Oh, and your friends are at the living room, by the way," she added before turning on her heels and walked away, probably to prepare for our leave.

I took a few seconds of silence before huffing a breath, getting on my feet and walking out of my bedroom, or former bedroom, rather. With heavy footsteps, I descended downstairs, only to make my heart clench for the nth time when I saw who were in the living room. One of the reasons why I want to stay here.

I tried to halt my steps and composed myself before continuing to go down. I don't want to look hideous in front, they'll tease me for a good time, that's for sure. When I finally descended to the first floor, I got a good angle and picture of my gang. There sat on the couch are the twins, Seandhe and Harley along with their sister, Nikki who was sitting on the huge gap between them, on another couch, reading a book quietly was Katherine and beside her, leaning on her shoulder and caressing her thighs was her boyfriend, Neil Jason who I have been always fond of calling Jay.

It was Nikki who noticed my presence, "Well guys, look who's finally here," she gave me off a playful smirk and a small quirk on her brow, making me laugh a little. I'll miss this crazy habit of hers. Just as soon as she said that Katherine closed her book, Jason sat properly and the twins stood up simultaneously, making me shake my head in disbelief and at the same time, stopping myself from crying again. These guys... I'm going to miss them so much.

"Hey," I gave them a small smile.

Seandhe came towards me with huge steps and engulfed me in a tight bear hug that was followed by another and another until it formed into a huge group hug. My heart swelled and leaped because of their gesture, "We'll miss you," I heard Katherine mumble on my ear as her hands caressed my hair softly.

I just giggled softly and answered, "I'll miss you guys, too." I choked, holding back my tears.

I will never forget these guys, they have been there for me for the past three years. Witnessed my highs and lows, laughed and created memories with me every single day. They're my best friends, and they're a huge part of me that I can't let go easily. We all pulled away from each other in a matter of seconds.

"We know," I heard Nikki said smugly, making all of us laugh in unison, "That's why we have a gift for you. A constant reminder that we will always be by your side," she said then Jay pulled out a velvet leather box from his back pocket and handed it to me. With shaky hands, I gladly accepted the box and opened it, revealing a sparkling silver necklace that has an amethyst pendant.

"Oh my God," I gasped and pulled the necklace away carefully from its leather box. I haven't seen anything this beautiful in my whole life, "This is so beautiful," I said mesmerized by the beauty the necklace acquires.

I heard Harley spoke with his voice hopeful, "We hope you like it."

I shook my head, "Are you kidding me? I don't like it. I love it!" I exclaimed, still staring at the stunning necklace.

"Let me help," Katherine offered and I nodded at her, giving the necklace into her hands. She accepted it and ran to my rear, pushing my hair and wearing the necklace on me, "Thank you so much, guys," I looked at each one of them, pursing my lips.

"It's nothing," Jason shook his head, "Just please do remember that we're just a call and a touch away. If you miss us, just touch that necklace."

I nodded mirthfully, "Yes, I will. Thank y--"

"Vanessa! We're leaving!" I heard mom shouted from outside. My eyes widened in bewilderment and hastily gave each of my friends a hug, constantly saying the statement, "I'll miss you," then ran to the mom's Cruze and shoved myself on the backseat, only to meet Zach, my little one-and-a-half-year-old brother who was sitting enjoyably on his booster seat while sucking a huge, swirly, rainbow-colored lollipop that was ten times bigger than his little mouth.

The corners of my lips stretched into a large smile, "Ready to move, baby boy?" I asked him. As much as I want to call him baby boy because he's still a baby for me, I can't. Zach's pretty smart for an average toddler, even though he doesn't speak that much, he understands every word we say. Whenever he hears me call him baby boy, he would glare at me and say, "Me not a baby boy."

He looked at me with his huge blue eyes and nodded cheerfully, telling me that he's very excited to see his new home, or old, I'd say. I was about to speak again but the driver's seat suddenly opened and mom went in, taking over the driver's seat. Zach and I watched her as she hastily fixed her seatbelt and honk the car.

"Y'all ready?!" I heard someone from the crew of the movers asked mom and she answered by yelling, "Yes!" before turning the ignition on.

When the car vibrated, I fixed my own seatbelt before turning my head to look at our old house through the window. There, by the door pane, I saw my friends there, smiling sadly at me while waving their hands in a low manner. I lowered the car's window and blew them a kiss as mom started to drive the car away. Away from the house. Away from my friends. Away from home. I sighed and sniffed before sitting straight and glanced at Zach. The little jerk was pretty immersed with his colorful lollipop. With another sigh, I tucked my seatbelt in, preparing myself for a long, bumpy, and depressing ride.