LOGINI think my ceiling needed a new coat of paint, I needed a new dresser as well, maybe a couple of shoes, a new door perhaps a bulletproof shower room.
I continued to make up silly scenarios in my head while I waited for my parents to get home, it was Saturday and they still had to go to work; at least my mom does, all dad did was drink his pension away and pretend we were a happy family.
I shook my head to dispel unnecessary thoughts, today was a good day people!!, I got out of high school last month, I was going to check my mail today, my admission letter had arrived and we were going to do some family dinner to celebrate or.... not, either way I was scared shitless, I wasn't a smart kid, my grades were average, I didn't want them to get better than that, call me crazy or not a serious minded student but I was happy and that was it, I didn't want to be the "smart" kid, I was happy as I was.
I spent hours on my bed thinking, turning, playing video games, yes I play video games, I don't do Barbie dolls whatever, we kill zombies and fight wars on the tv, its epic if you ask me, I played with my friends for a while before I decided, sorry, my tummy decided for the both of us that I needed to get my ass out of bed to do my chores and eat, like seriously I needed to eat, I'm skinny, almost 6ft, I look more of a guy than a girl except I do some excessive make over, asides that, yes this is me.
I cleaned out my room some, packed my clothes all together and put them in the dresser, ill sort them out later, I swept, cleaned, did laundry, then I proceeded to the whole house, I swept, cleaned and arranged the house or my version of arranging, it looked acceptable anyway.
I walked into the kitchen, cleaned the dishes, swept... again, then finally I get to order pizza, I know I said I would eat but I didn't make any promises.
I messed with my phone some before the doorbell rang, I got the pizza, left a tip then went back to my phone while I ate.
As you might have noticed, yes I talk a lot, that's one of my hobbies actually, I could talk forever but I do know when to shut up, or not talk at all, my name's Katya Renua Greyson, I'm 15, an odd age, yes I know but I don't really look it, I'm half Nigerian half black American, cool combo, that I also know
It took a couple of hours before I heard a key jingle, yay daddy's back, I'm so excited, note the sarcasm, I got up to disappear into my room till my mom got back but I wasn't fast enough.
"Ren, I'm hungry, make me dinner or better still wait for your mom to make dinner, you cant cook to save your life, I wonder what you can actually do" ladies and gentlemen meet my dad, he's really sweet honestly, I wonder where I would be without him .. oh I know, really really happy. "Are you even listening to me, I wonder how you went through high school and now college that's if you get in, I mean my brothers sons could do bett-" I zoned off from here, this is a typical conversation between my dad and I, really loving family I tell you.
"Did you clean this house Ren"
"Yes I did"
"Well clean it again Ren, you're a woman and I honestly can't understand how you can stand dirt, I wonder all the time about the things you get from that mother of yours, I'm going upstairs to sleep, when I get down here, this place better be spotless and my food better be ready"
The light dims and he exits.
Finally some peace and quiet, I got back to shooting bad guys on my phone this time while still watching some show about "things to say before 45", it was a long time ahead but oh well, you need to have your bullets before you shoot right?, ha, now that's something to say before 45!, just don't say it in front of a criminal though, that will end really badly.
"Hey honey, is your dad home?"
"JESUS CHRIST MOM, do you want to kill me, when did you even get here?, how did you get here?"
"Oh I'm sorry, its not my fault your ears don't work even though you have them, neither is it my fault that I have quiet feet"
"Haha mom so funny, dad's home by the way, he wants the house more spotless than it already is and he wants his food ready before he wakes up, served in bed with wallpapers around the room so he feels like he's in Santorini"
"Haha kat, very funny, alright then lets make your dad something to eat and then we can check your mail together like we planned"
We spent two more hours cooking for the "king" not that I hated cooking, on the contrary, I loved it, I just hated how I had to do it like it was what I was born to do, my dad is a Nigerian, you don't want to know how they view women in some tribes, so I count myself lucky that this is all I get to do.
Dinner was fun, just our spoons and knives speaking for us and occasionally our hands, it was really sweet how it all just seemed to rhyme and we communicated perfectly, silence while eating was a strong suit in this household, it was our normal, but tonight was my night so I'm sure I was glowing brighter than an angels halo.
"Ren, get out of your head and go get the letter so we can see it" my mom said. I snapped back to reality, I prefer spacing out than basking in silence, it just wasn't my thing
"If she had a brain then I would understand why she needed to be in there but unfortunately, she's all dry and empty" my dad just had to ruin my moment but who cares, I run to my room to get the letter and back with my glow intact, I take a deep breath to steady my heart before I open the letter.
"What does it say hunny?" I keep looking at the letter but only one word stands out, I think I stopped breathing at some point, I just stared and stared then stared some more.
"You see what I told you, how would she get in?, our neighbor's daughter didn't even get in and she had the best grades last year, how exactly would she ge-"
"I got in" I cut him off
I glance at him as I take much needed air into my lungs.
"What?"
"I said I got in dad, you can look at the letter yourself if you want, but I still made it"
"OH MY BABYYYY IS FINALLY A COLLEGE STUDENTTTTT" my mom screamed while she hugged carried me or carried hugged me, whatever
"Oh God mom, put me down, you're going to kill me before I even get in" I laughed and struggled in her arms
"Alright grown up, you got into college now, you think you aren't my baby anymore but sorry bun bun, you always will be" she said, still not letting me go.
"Fine mom you win, I need to go to bed now"
"Night hun, we'll discuss better in the morning" she said
I walked with a spring in my step back to my room.
My scary dreams couldn't even wipe the smile off my face
This year was definitely going to be good.
Classes had resumed full swing, I had little or no time for myself, the lecturers were brutal, if this was meant to be a dog fight, I would go back to my room in rags every day.Needless to say, this week wasn’t my week, devils time of the month had caught up to me then add to it this stress, I was beyond livid, I smiled for a certain amount of time each day, I never exceeded it, sometimes I just didn’t you know… smile.We were pushed to our limits every day, some days I didn't want to wake up, or think about the stress of the day, I felt I had no purpose in life when I did, I would dive straight into bed to wake up five minutes after.The cruelty of the world was no joke, couldn’t time slow the fuck down?I looked like a homeless person who got bitten by a zombie, my life held no spontaneous acts, I was trying to keep up with classes as it was, I couldn&rsq
Sitting in my low budget hotel room with my multi-millionaire girlfriend felt surreal, I stayed quiet while she animated her argument, using her hands, she exaggerated her point, one hundred and one reasons why she couldn’t make it yesterday.Listening to cherry’s excuses, doubt slowly crept into my heart, enveloped my mind and seized my body, there was so many excuses I doubted she knew she wasn’t keeping up.One went into another again and again, it began to sound like sweet lies, the tune perfectly played, I was beyond swayed, beyond saving.“Why are you lying to me?”With a shocked expression, she argued “Kat you know I've never lied to you amore mio, why would you think that?”“Where were you when I kept calling?”“I was at work, I couldn’t escape, I tried to cal-”“Bullshit
This scene felt all too familiar, staring at this unattractive ceiling, laying on this cold bed, surfing through the memories zooming in and out of my head, I retraced every road, redrew every line, unsaid every word but I was still in this plain room, I couldn’t retrace that.I woke up to my new reality, my chosen path, how did I feel? Thrilled but scared, what would I do? Live life as I wanted now, with who I wanted and how I desired to.I decided to call my mom later in the day, maybe she would want to meet up to hear me out, she would hear me out right? I might want to be free, desire to be loved and ready to be known but my family still is and would always be my family.The neighborhood was quiet and business like, no birds chirping, no neighbor screaming, I missed the little things but I wanted to be who I was, to live freely not as a FAG but as a person.I'd come a long way, fought so many battles,
The sendoff email was still fresh in my mail box when I hauled my ass to the bus station, cherry whined for thirty minutes before she let me go, some kisses half way in and I was fueled for the days ahead.My mom wanted to pick me up, I would have liked that but I tore off my freshmen skin for something, I needed to stay true to the pact I made, freshmen before, freshmen never again.I was sitting in a bus with an old man’s head on my shoulder listening to the melodic tunes of his snores, things we do for our promises.I stared out through the window as I listened to music, I enjoyed the view anytime I traveled or went on a road trip, I was a sucker for them.I chatted back and forth with cherry, rejected a video call because I didn’t trust her not to tease me, I needed a clear head and underwear for this journey no matter how much I loved her.The journey was over before I cou
The following week had me in a daze, I was just grateful we had a free week, our exams were over, we just had to party our freshmen skins off, tradition they said.I spent most of my time with cherry, I had basically moved in with her, I called it getting our lost moments back, cherry went out of her way all week, she spoilt me rotten, I did love the attention but money coming from her felt wrong.I loved her either way but I didn’t want her to think I wanted her money or feel obliged to buy me stuff, I made it a rule, if it wasn’t important don’t buy it, if it wasn’t needed don’t get it, in return if she did buy it I couldn’t whine about the price, we went back and forth, throwing rules, countering others.The more time I spent with cherry the less I did Ray and Asher, she didn’t like him and she made it known, she extended the dislike to Asher, she was just that petty.I tried several times in several ways t
I went back to ignoring cherry, avoiding her at every turn, I started hanging out with Ray more, he had a girlfriend now, her name was Asher, we called her archer just to get under her skin, she was really cute, dark skinned, short and crazy.They always hinted on a triad but my heart was elsewhere.I could feel Cherry's eyes everywhere I went, see who the stalker was now.She kept sending me messages, some sweet, some needy, she woke me up with romantic texts, left loving voicemails, tried to talk to me every day, I was flattered really but I didn’t need all the physical assurances, she broke our emotional bridge, no amount of flowers or chocolates could fix that.I went back to my former routine, classes, if I wanted to attend them, cafeteria, library, walk around campus, Ray’s room or mine.We had fun most times, we either talked about anime or played video games, I always won though, what c