CHAPTER ONE

JANICE  POV

  When it was just Damien, Kayla and I, I always thought, it couldn't get any better. We had it all, the best parents, all the love and care in the world, and the attention of those two best parents. 

But I'm not so sure anymore. It slowly faded away. Jason, Narla and Drake came along and I could feel it all slipping away. 

Then mom had Abby, then May and it was like I didn't even exist anymore. 

Some people might think I'm just a sad sucker for attention and they might be right. But it hurts when the closest person to you becomes so distanced because there were others who needed her attention.

I hated it every time she would smile brightly at us all over breakfast and tell us she was expecting again. 

I hated it every time I saw her pregnant with a new baby cos I know it only created more distance between us. 

I hated it every damn time I had to watch her fuss over a new baby.

I remember sitting in the corner once when I was little, sick, sucking my thumb,crying and watching as she bounced Narla around trying to get her to drink baby formula.

She didn't even notice, till I was sick enough to sleep in the hospital for a week. 

They are still very good parents, its just that we don't talk anymore like we used to. And for someone like me, it's the talking that matters. 

The one thing I didn't get around to hating were the babies themselves. I love everyone of my sibling more than anything else in the world. 

With a tiny heart my name was signed at the bottom of the page.

I closed my diary, reaching for the key to the safe where I hide all my written thoughts and emotion. 

I don't write those anymore, but recently I just love pulling them out and reading through them one right after the other. 

My phone beeped, the reminder showing it was time for my day out with my girlfriends.

I smiled, finally. I fist pumped the air. 

As I reached for my Jacket, the door to my room opened. I share it with Kayla but since she's away at college most time, I have it to myself. 

I watched as Abby made her way into the room, her eyes all red and puffy.

I sighed, well there goes my girls day out cos anytime Abby comes in looking like that? A useless guy out there must have done a number on her, again!

Ben I decided, mentally going through the list of the douche bags she's dated.

It was Blake around Christmas, Bane for Valentine and Barry in between. I think there was even a Brian before Bane. 

I don't know how she end up with those whose name start with a B or how they turn out to be the worst jerks out there. One worse than the last. 

The B curse, that's what I call it. 

Way to go sis.

She sat next to me on the bed and tried telling me what happened but a bout of fresh tears wouldn't let her make a coherent sentence . 

I put my hands around her knowing that there was nothing new she was going to say, so I just let her rest her head on my shoulder and cry it all out.

"He was cheating on me. " She finally got out.

"Honey, so was Blake, Brian and the rest of them."

That wasn't the best thing I could have come up with but at this point I needed her to know that she had a knack for picking the worst of 'em. 

Maybe that would get her to take a break from dating one sore loser right after the other and concentrate solely on herself. 

And her studies. 

I guess too much heartbreaks affects that too. I don't like the drop in her grades. Mum and dad are going to call that out sooner or later.

I held her while going through every word I had said to her when she broke up with Blake, again. 

I was more serious now, saying more on how she should ditch boys for the time and work more on herself. 

I didn't know if she even heard a word I said cos knowing Abby, she would end up bringing home a new B curse. 

I sent a message to my girlfriends, taking a rain check on our outing.

Family first. 

I let my baby sis bawl it all out, soothing her through it. 

I know she'll get over it soon enough, I just pray this is the time she finally comes around to taking my advice. 

***

Dinner was uneventful, I guess that's because Cade and Kenzie

were having a sleepover at a friends house. 

Those two are always a strong recipe for disaster, especially at dinner. 

After Dinner though, mum announced that Damien was getting a transfer to mine and Kayla's school. He was due home in a week. 

My heart did a flip at that. 

And I spat my juice right back in my cup. 

"Janice, is everything okay?" My mum asked me. 

"Yeah mum, wrong pipe." I coughed a bit for effect. 

She gave me what we all call 'the eye' and left.

I let out a sigh of relief.

Thanks mum. 

Damien is my eldest brother and the only one in the lot who is being fostered.

The thing is that my parents were best friends with his. when they died in an accident, he was barely a year old and my parents were the only ones listed as guardians. 

Instead of giving him up for adoption, they decided to foster him. My mum was pregnant with Kayla then. 

He didn't officially get adopted by my parents though, something about it being his choice, but he's a Kent through and through. 

He's been there since I was born and that is why I don't understand why of all the boys in the world I had to go have a crush on my brother. 

I love Damien to a distraction but when I realized I was seeing him more as a guy than an annoying big bro, I started staying away.

We rarely talked in those last few weeks before he left and even though it hurt so much, I was glad he went all the way to Ohio for college. 

And now he's transferring to my school? 

I guess he'd be boarding, but so would I once I'm done with my first year this session. 

Fuck. 

I threw my juice in the sink and got myself a fresh glass. 

I went up to my room to call Tess . 

Tess is my best friend and the only person in the world who knows how I feel about Damien. 

I tell Kayla most things happening in my life but not this. 

She'd freak out. 

I dropped my glass on the bedside drawer and flopped down on the bed. 

I picked my phone and the reply to my rain check message was staring me in the face. 

I didn't feel bad about bailing out on the girls at the last minute, at least not anymore and not as much as I thought I would. 

Sometimes I wonder if they even see me as their friend or if I'm just one more person added to the group. 

Which friend replies a message like mine with a simple 'okay'. They didn't even ask why I couldn't come.

No wonder Tess doesn't like hanging with them either. 

I swiped through my phone to my speed dial and called Tess. 

She picked on the third ring. 

"Hey babe," her voice came through. 

"Hello, boyfriend." I replied smiling, stressing on the last word. 

Yeah, we role play on the phone. 

Tess thought it would be funny pretending to be a couple on phone since none of us were dating. 

She always says that we are both going to end up single old ladies with lots of cats, for her and dogs, for me. 

Well, except something happens between Damien and I. 

"How're you doing sugar, guess who's all alone here and missing you badly"

"Awwwn, missing you too honey. Want me to come over?"

"Hell yes! Lingerie and a short sexy trenchcoat, no clothes in between." She said in a mock husky voice.

I burst into laughter. 

"Thank God you are not a boy cos you'd make a very horrible boyfriend,"

I said still laughing.

"Short sexy trench coat my ass."

She was laughing at the other end of the line too. We make a nice pair.

"I'd be the best honey," she said when she'd recovered from laughing so much.

"All the girls would be chasing after my handsome ass but I'll ask them to stay away cause I've only got eyes for you."

That got us both laughing again. Knowing Tess she finished that last part off with a wink and imagining that made me laugh some more.

"And who said I'd want your eyes, huh?"

"Oh, shut up." Another bout of laughter. 

I love this girl. 

"I know you didn't call to laugh all night so what's up with you, girl."

I could hear something being opened in the background. 

I can bet on my life it's an M&M. Tess can die for those. 

"Yeeaahhh, I guess you are right."

"I'm always right hun." 

She obviously had something in her mouth while saying that and she knows I hate that. 

"Deflate the ego, asshole. And quit talking to me with chocolate in your mouth!"

"We are on the fucking phone,"

"Still."

"Fuck off. Are going to tell me why you called or not?"

"Damien is coming back. He's transferring to our school Tess."

"I don't see how that's a bad thing. We should be celebrating, I'd take lots of M&Ms please and dinner at that very expensive fancy restaurant down town. Three course meal wine and all ."

"TESS!"

"Okay, I'm sorry." 

I could hear the laughter in her voice. That wench. 

"He's coming home sometime next week but I guess that's just to complete the transfer formalities. He should be starting officially next session. 

"Knowing my parents, he, Kayla and I would end up sharing an off camp apartment, they've hinted that before. Then we would be in each others face for the next few years until one of us leaves or graduates. I'm afraid I'll end up embarrassing myself before that."

"You've handled staying with him before without doing anything stupid, although I wish you would, so that he'd know how you feel. 

"You don't even know what will happen from there, he might be carrying a torch for you too".

I smiled sadly, how I wish Tess is right. 

But no, she couldn't be more.... 

"Wrong. Now let me tell you what will happen. He'll freak out for a while but then he'd try not to hurt my feelings, cause he's good like that, and not make it a big deal.

He'll start pulling away from me slowly and before I know what hit me the rift would be too wide to mend.

I don't think I'll ever be able to handle that."

"Why are you all about cons and complicated, it could be all pros and simple. Like where he tells you that he's crazy about you but afraid you didn't want him and two of you work it out to a happy ending. ". 

"This is not a novella Tess, it's my life we're talking about. Get real."

"Right, your life Janice doesn't give you the right to make decisions for him. You should tell him and let him decide for himself."

"And risk losing him? Fat chance."

"Whatever let's you sleep, honey. Talking about sleep, shit it's already so late into the night and I have to wake early."

Tess groaned and I knew what was coming next. 

"It's all your fault."

She loves doing that too. Staying up begging for updates and then blaming me for keeping her up past her bed time. 

"My fault? I didn't hear you complain once."

"Who complains about getting juicy updates. It's your fault you didn't keep the said juicy update for lunch time tomorrow."

"And risk someone else hearing it? Bless your soul, but no."

"Makes sense. See you tomorrow Jay. I'll be mighty late so be sure to take all the notes."

"Late? "

"Yeah, I've got somewhere to be for my mum before coming to school. I'll tell you all about it when I see you."

"Okay, see you when I see you. I'll try my best with notes."

"I knew there was a reason I love you."

"Get off my phone, you psycho." I said laughing. 

She laughed too. 

"So much for my love. Good night Jay, and stop being a pussy, take my advice and tell Damien how you feel."

"Nightie Tess, and I wont."

"Your loss. Don't think too much about it though, just take it one step at a time, it will end up falling into place. All of it." 

That was the last thing I heard before the line went dead.

Tess is just the best. I won't ever give her up for the world . 

I don't know what I'd do about Damien but I know I'd be taking Tess' advice. 

No, not the one about telling him, the one about taking it one step at a time, I just pray everything falls into place like she said.