Chapter 20

I jump as I notice someone standing at the foot of the bed. Elaine. She looks so happy to see me. I don’t get it but then again, I don’t get my own emotions lately either. I watch as she plops into the chair Abel previously occupied, and rests her hands on the armrests.

She smiles brightly and says, “Hello, Alanna. How are you feeling? That was quite a show.” Her laugh is soft.

I sigh deeply. “I’m fine. I didn’t mean for it to happen, it was an accident. I’ll help clean it up.” Her laugher grows and I stare at her in confusion.

I was being sincere and she laughs. I clench my jaw in irritation. “What’s so funny?”

She manages to stop laughing but her face is stretched into a wide grin. “You managed to knock over two pillars. No one here has ever done that before. If you had seen the look on Abel and Erik’s faces, you would be laughing too.” She snickers. “Seriously though, don’t be sorry, it’s hilarious. No one’s mad at you. Relax. Oh, and you don’t have to clean it up, it’s already done. But Abel,” she says between giggles. “His face…hilarious.”

I stay quiet. I still don’t find it funny, despite her obvious amusement about the whole thing. I could have hurt someone; doesn’t she get that? Doesn’t anyone get that? I came close to injuring both Erik and Abel but they don’t seem to care. It’s baffling.

Once her laugher is under control she speaks again. “On a serious note, Abel and Freya want you to rest for the next two days, just to be careful. Instead of continuing with training, you can study with Benjamin or simply relax, it’s up to you. But in no way are you to practice the energy manipulation, alright?”

I nod. It’s not like I’m eager to jump back into it after losing control like that anyway.

We sit in silence for a short while before she attempts small talk. “How do you like it here? It’s nice, right?” I’m not really sure how to respond so I don’t. Elaine’s face falls slightly, but she pushes on. “The twins are great too, huh? They are the best fire users at Craforian. It’ll get easier, you’ll see.” Silence reigns over the room when I don’t comment. Her face falls completely, she looks so dejected that it makes me feel like an asshole.

“Uh… why are you here?” I didn’t think it was possible but her expression drops even more with my tactless question. I wince at my word choice, and rush to explain. “No, not here. Here like Craforian, here.” At her brief hesitation, I start blubbering over my words. “You don’t have… I didn’t mean… I… was just curious. I don’t know what to say, is all. I haven’t ... it’s been….” I trail off in frustration. I can’t even have a normal conversation. What’s wrong with me?

A slight smile graces her face. “Well, I’m friends with Abel, I guess you could say. We’ve known each other for a long time, and one day he told me he was coming here. It was either stay behind with Abel’s brother or follow him. I chose to follow him.

I’m not one for life in the limelight, so it was an easy choice to make. Besides, Abel’s more… approachable than his brother.” A light laugh escapes her. “We’ve been here for eight years.” She looks almost hesitant to say what she’s about to. It makes me fear what her next words will be. “Are you okay? I don’t mean from the accident earlier but… everything.” She leans forward.

The concern in her voice causes a lump to swell in my throat. Am I okay? Now that’s a loaded question. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. “I’m… as good as I can be, I suppose. I wish things were different, but I’m managing.” I choke the emotion back down. “And you, are you… alright?” She looks confused so I explain. “At times, I see hurt or pain written all over your face. At odd times, too.” I shift awkwardly on the bed.

Her face flickers with understanding. “Ah yes, I’m fine. I just… feel things a little differently than others. I have a strong connection to emotions with my Mindula affinity. Ben did explain what that is, right?”

I nod and she continues.

“There are times when I can draw the emotions from other people. The emotions are projected through me and it can become very overwhelming, but I can separate myself.” Elaine leans back in her chair once more. “There’ve been instances where I’ve come across powerful talnarins, and not been able to differentiate whether I feel their emotions or mine. I don’t know how to explain it well, but usually I can sense the emotions I’m feeling aren’t mine. The emotions coming from those with stronger energy aren’t as easily identifiable as others. So, it’s swept me under a couple times before.”

How interesting. To be able to feel what others feel, the information you could gleam from a power like that. But wouldn’t that get exhausting having to constantly feel another’s emotions like that? “So, the times I saw you, you felt the emotions from—”

“You. I felt your emotions, Alanna,” she cuts in, with an unreadable expression on her face.

I let that sink in. “But you said you can separate yourself from them. Why didn’t you?” 

“I couldn’t. I can’t separate myself from your emotions.” She looks as stupefied as I felt. “There’s only ever been two others who affect me the same way you do. But after I got overwhelmed the first time with them, I stopped it. I built up my walls better and haven’t felt theirs since. But you… you, I can’t block. There’s something different about you, I just don’t know what it is.”

The blood drains from my face. Luckily, she has started pacing at the foot of the bed and didn’t notice my shift. I grip the sheets tighter in my hands and will my heart to calm, paranoid she’ll hear the erratic thudding and it’d somehow give me away. I bite my lip in hopes of keeping the scream building in my throat from leaving.

“It’s okay, it’s a good different. I won’t pry, everyone has secrets, and I respect that. You can tell me when you’re ready, if ever. It’s okay, I promise.”

I thought she would have been oblivious to my mood change, but then I remember her affinity with emotions. And while her words can’t be trusted completely, they still manage to ease the tension from my frame. My heart steadies while my hands unclench, and I release my lip before I pierce the skin. I watch Elaine warily as she retakes her seat.

I knew I was different, I just didn’t think it extended to the energy affinity stuff too. I thought at least that part would be the same as the other talnarins. Who knows what else is different about me now? Could the way I draw from and use my energy be somehow different than the others too? Is the strength of my abilities different in any way? Am I weaker or stronger?

It scares me that I don’t know and I can’t ask. It scares me that someone may know I’m different and start connecting the dots of my past. What if someone figures it out? What if they figure out what I’ve become? Will they kill me for it? This is the biggest and most concerning unknown. And what if my flames are wrong, are they supposed to be silver? All the stuff I’ve read and heard from Benjamin mention red or orange eyes as the color representation for the fire affinity, the Firvo Affinity.

“Can you read minds?”

She looks caught completely off guard as she rubs her arms. “No I can’t. I can read intentions though, not thoughts themselves. No one can read thoughts, just hints of them gathered from the emotional reads.”

Relief instantly washes through me but it’s short lived once I recall Elaine’s original question. “Since I first harnessed them, they’ve been that color. Is that… bad?” Sweat beads along my pale forehead.

“… It’s not bad, just rare.” The obvious hesitation at her word choice only serves to raise my suspicions and paranoia. It almost sounded like she was going to use another word too, but what?

Before I have a chance to push Elaine any further, a tall blond woman walks in. She wears a warm smile on her thin face. Her wavy blond hair reaches to her lower back. Her eyes are a starling shade of green—she has a flora or Flokil Affinity, then. Her eyes are so vibrant they seem to glow. You would think by this point I would be used to seeing the strange eyes on the talnarins, but I’m not. She wears a long white coat, and a sudden and overpowering wave of repulsion hits me. It’s just like Theirs’s, just like the two talnarins coats. They wore Their white coats splattered with blood.

Almost instantly, the terror and panic claw their way to the surface. I don’t want this woman anywhere near me. It haunts me, it brings back things I want to forget. The blood drains from my face as she moves closer. I nearly fall off the bed in my attempt to get as far away as possible.

Both Elaine and the woman startle and reach out to catch me before I hit the floor.

I slam into the corner and hold my hands up over my head in a defensive position. At this movement, they both freeze. I stare wide eyed at the newcomer, mentally begging her to leave me alone with no such luck.

“Freya, just… back up for a minute, please. Give her some space. She’s feeling a bit overwhelmed.” Elaine’s face is creased with worry and pain, a near mirror image to mine, I’m sure. “Alanna, it’s okay. Just stay calm. No one here will hurt you, alright? Freya is only here to check on you, she’s our doctor, the one Abel told you about. Do you remember?” It’s as if she’s speaking down a long tunnel, her voice faint and distant.

I don’t take my eyes from this talnarin, afraid if I look away she’d strike. Freya’s face is a mask of absolute calmness, and it’s a trick somehow, I just know it. Out of the corner of my eye I catch Elaine moving in front of Freya, shielding her from view.

My lip curls in disgust at the obvious side Elaine has chosen. I shouldn’t be surprised, they’ve known each other much longer than I’ve known Elaine. I knew I shouldn’t have started to trust her, it was a stupid mistake. I feel a lump in my throat and tears form in my eyes.

Deep down I know I’m overreacting and the odds of them hurting me are low. If they wanted to, they would have already done it. My mind is messing with me. I know this, but still, it overwhelms me.

The hostile feelings won’t abate no matter what I tell myself.

Elaine tries again, her voice soft. “Alanna, what’s wrong? How can we help you? Let us… let me help you. It’s okay.”

Freya is completely blocked from my sight. I don’t know if I find that relieving or irritating. Now I have no choice but to direct my attention to Elaine, but maybe that was her point. Maybe she wasn’t defending Freya. Maybe she was trying to calm me.

I don’t know, my thoughts are a mess. I’m vaguely aware that I’m shaking my head back and forth.

“Coat. No coat,” I blurt unexpectedly. I will myself to shut up but it’s too late. The words are out.

Surprise crosses Elaine’s face seconds before a look of understanding dawns. Her voice near a whisper, Elaine asks, “Freya, can you remove the coat, please?”

A soft and musical voice replies, “I already have. I think you can move now Elaine, thank you.”

I remain tense as Freya moves out from behind Elaine in slow, measured steps. I prepare for anything, but with the coat no longer in sight, the resemblance to Them fades. My mind rights itself and my heart slows. Freya, still not completely visible, remains where she is, allowing me to adjust. Bit by bit, my body unwinds.

She calmly asks, “Is this better, Alanna?”

Feeling like a total fool, I mutter a quick apology. Both Elaine and Freya brush it off, telling me not to concern myself with it. I lower my head in shame.

“Alanna, may I move closer, dear? I simply want to check on your energy level,” Freya asks. Her voice is so calm, so musical. I nod and she moves to crouch in front of me, my body still shoved in the corner. “May I hold your hand for a moment for the readings?”

I settle for a nod, still too ashamed to speak. Freya gently takes my hand in hers and I try to not flinch away. I still don’t like the idea of the talnarins touching me.

Goosebumps form all along my flesh. After what seems like hours, she releases my hand. I let the limb drop into my lap and risk a glance up. Freya smiles gently at me and I hastily look away, only to catch the eyes of Elaine instead. My eyes widen in alarm at the pained expression on her face.

“Did it happen again?” I blurt. She smiles tightly and shakes her head.

“But…” I trail off, not knowing what else to say. She’s feeling like this because I can’t control my emotions well enough. I hurt someone else, I’m a fucking mess.

Freya softly interjects, “Elaine is alright, Alanna. Even as I speak, her energy is stabilizing. There’s no need to fret, dear. And your energy as well. It’s stabilized much faster than I anticipated. I can sense almost no abnormalities in the energy level. This is great news.” She gestures for me to move to the bed and I do so quickly. She sits on the end and smoothly crosses her legs, placing her thin hands on her knees. She so beautiful, it doesn’t seem right that she’s a doctor for some reason.

Just as she opens her mouth to talk, I blurt, “Your eyes. Flokil Affinity, right? So then how can you read my energy?”

A look of mild surprise crosses her face. “Yes, I’m a flora manipulator. I’ve been gifted with the Flokil Affinity. Some of us have a greater energy force. This allows us to extend our capability past the physical manipulation of energy, similar to how the Mindula Affinity manipulates their energy. As flora manipulators, we’re more closely tied to nature, our energy source, and so we are able to develop a deeper connection with our energy. This permits those who are stronger to sense the energy inside others. This also allows me to determine how well a talnarin is restoring their energy reserves. I don’t need to be physically touching another to determine the energy level, but direct contract allows me to get a more in depth and thorough look at any irregularities or hiccups in the energy readings.”

Interesting. “And it’s only the flora manipulators that can sense the energy levels, both in nature and in talnarins?”

There’s a brief moment pause before she answers. “There are a couple exceptions, but otherwise, yes.”

Something holds me back from voicing my next question. My gut’s telling me they won’t tell me who the exceptions are, though I don’t know why. Letting it go, I ask, “There’s a King, right?” At her graceful nod, I ask another. “What’s the King’s affinity then?”

The silence is thick and heavy. I wonder if I said something wrong. Is this a touchy subject or something? My nerves climb as the uncomfortable silence reigns on. I awkwardly clear my throat and shift, hoping to dislodge the tension.

Finally, Elaine breaks the silence. “We can’t say. No one’s met him before and there’s no records on the royal line.”

Right. And the sky isn’t blue. So, they obviously know more than their letting on, but what? Why hide it? What’s so secretive about the royal family? What—or whom—are they trying to protect?

It’s strange. Maybe if I ask Benjamin he can shed some light on the subject, but I won’t hold my breath. I’ll play along, for now. “Okay. Well I know you said no training but I can still study, right?”

“Of course. Shall I call for Benjamin, or did you wish to study alone?” Freya gently asks, her lips curled into a smile.

“Uh… alone. For now.” They share an undecipherable look. I don’t know what it means, but it leaves me feeling very uncomfortable. “Well, I’ll get to it then.” I say, standing up awkwardly.

Both Elaine and Freya straighten and plaster fake smiles on their faces. Creepy, if you ask me. I ignore it and make my way to the door. Once I’m out of their sight, I pause and bury my face in my hands. What in the Hellvian was that?

I need to be more careful. They’re keeping things from me, it could be nothing, but my gut tells me otherwise. I can’t afford to be led into a false feeling of comfort here. I just need to remember my purpose here, remember my mission. Revenge is all that matters now.

I straighten and march to the library, determined to learn all I can before I leave Craforian for good.