Chapter 22

The next morning, I’m up before the sun rises. The weather is slowly turning colder, the days are growing longer. In just a couple months, winter will be upon us. It makes me antsy.

I want to be far from Craforian before the first snow lands, but my training and skills need to advance faster. The snow and ice would make traveling near impossible, effectively trapping me within the borders of Craforian. I don’t want to feel trapped. Traveling during winter is a sure way to get myself killed. That delay is not something I can tolerate; the longer I wait, the further away He gets. If I wait too long, He may slip out of my grasp completely, and I can’t have that.

I need to focus my attention on training with Erik. The sooner I hone the energy manipulation, the sooner I’m out of here. 

I examine the few clean clothes in my room and choose a long sleeve shirt. I dress and make my way to the arena. I had avoided coming here for two days, afraid of what I’d see. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. Now I realize how stupid the avoidance was.

The arena still stands in one piece, not a grain of sand out of place. It’s shocking. Despite what Able and Elaine had said, I still thought I’d see the destroyed training grounds. I’m amazed at how quickly they repaired the place too.

I catch sight of Erik stretching in the far corner of the arena. Not yet noticed, I settle for staring at him from a distance. I study him, thinking about how he and his brother have been towards me. They have been kind. In fact, all the talnarins here have been. Well, at least the limited number of them I have encountered. It makes me second guess everything I feel about the talnarins, and it irritates me. It just feels like my mind is on a constant loop of doubt, and I can’t seem to catch a break either. I push it out of mind and make myself known.

I gingerly walk to the sandy floor and plop down to stretch. I look up to find Erik waiting in his usual position across from me. “Why did you tell me my energy was a separate entity from me?” I blurt without thinking.

He appears mildly surprised, though it’s rather hard to tell from his stoic facial expressions. “I told you the energy had a will of its own, because at that time, you couldn’t accept anything else. That was the gut feeling I got. Was I wrong?” I shake my head and he goes on. “I said it to help you visualize the energy inside you. You were scared of it, hesitant. I assumed the reason for this fear was due to the lack of control you felt.” He pauses a moment, as if to think. “If I approached it as a separate being inside you, I’d hoped it would help you harness it easier and quicker. All talnarins are born knowing our energy is there, it’s just not accessible. For whatever reason, you didn’t. That meant I had to change how I taught you. I had to acclimate myself to how you might have been feeling, otherwise we would have never gotten anywhere with training.

“I don’t know what happened that has you so afraid…”

I flinch, but Erik remains expressionless.

“But it doesn’t matter anymore. Whatever happened is over. The control you worked on wasn’t control over the energy, it was the control over your mind. You had to gain control over your thought process. I won’t say that all children accept the energy from the start, some of the younger children struggle to accept the energy as well. Their training is much like what you’ve gone through, to visualize the energy as another entity inside yourself. The purpose of training is to expand the control over how much energy to expend and how to replenish it.”

“But I thought all children are born with the instinct to draw from it?” I’m completely confused now.

“They are, but they tell themselves they can’t draw from it. Much like what you did to yourself.” I don’t bother to correct Erik that I might not have those instincts at all. “Their fear controls their minds. This makes it very easy to let it all go at once and release the energy in a one go. The training helps them understand their limits and how to expel the energy in a safer manner.”

I think about it for a minute. “That makes sense, I suppose. How many children struggle with it? How many adults?” I almost didn’t ask the last part, afraid to draw more attention to the irregularities about me, but my curiosity won.

He stares at me for a long moment, unnerving me. I wish I could read even just a fraction of what he’s thinking or feeling. “Not many. I can’t give you an exact number, but there’s enough to warrant a separate class at times. As for the adults, you’re an unusual case.”

At those words, I freeze. I shouldn’t have asked. I really shouldn’t have asked. I’m so stupid. Luckily, he saves me from trying to cover my ass by asking, “Are you ready to start?”

I breathe an almost audible sigh of relief. I nod and widen my stance. “Try to draw the energy out. Picture it inside yourself as a cloud of moving energy. It’s malleable and moveable. Picture it locked up inside yourself at your center and only you can unlock it. Slowly tug on the energy, strand by strand. Will it to form in your hand.”

I close my eyes, focusing my mind. I imagine the energy as a silver flame inside my soul. Seeing it as energy tied to my very being is a struggle, and a large part of me refuses to believe it doesn’t have a life of its own, that it’s tied to mine in some strange way.

I image it surrounded by darkness as it uncurls itself. A little touch to the center and it draws itself out. It dances as it passes throughout my body, warming me from the inside out. I watch as it travels to my arm to rest in my palm. There it sits, just below the skin, waiting.

I slowly open my eyes and see my whole arm glows like the sun. My mouth drops open in shock and I lose my grip ever so slightly. The heat beneath my palm flares and I will myself to focus once more. My mind conjures up a small silver flame and it hovers just above my skin; the fire appears over my real palm just as I envisioned. A small smile forms on my face. I can’t help it.

I will the flame away and look back to Erik. Despite his usual straight-face, my gut feeling tells me he’s proud. “Nicely done. That was faster than I expected. Try to call up flames in both hands, at the same time.”

I repeat the exact process I did to materialize the first flame. I close my eyes and watch the energy move from one place to the next inside myself, until finally it reaches my hand. My eyes open just in time to see a second silver blaze form.

I did it, I actually did it. Just like before, I snuff it out, then will it back again. Having a bit of fun, I will the flames away at the same time, then call them back together. Almost giddy with the success, I try to alternate dosing each flame before willing them back at different times. I’m actually doing this. I’m controlling my power. I didn’t think I could. Every success makes my heart lift just a little bit higher. My goal is getting closer and closer.

I eventually stop playing with my fire and look to Erik for instruction.

“Impressive focus. This next part may be a little tricky. Just have patience and go small bits at a time, alright?” He says, monotone as ever.

“Okay.”

“You need to manipulate the energy away from you while still maintaining the force and intensity behind it. I’m going to lie some wood down and I want you to light it.”

As I wait for him to gather the materials into a small pile, my thoughts churn in my head. I can do this. I’ll start small and work my way into a brighter blaze. It must be the same concept as the fire in my hands, right?

All too soon, the woodpile is finished and stands two paces in front of me. I push down the nerves and close my eyes.

Like before, I work the energy through me until it rests just under the skin of my hands. I snap them open and imagine the invisible energy reaching for the timber pile. It needs to catch on a smaller piece of wood and burn, then the whole pile will light up. My focus doesn’t waiver as I stare at the wood. I can do this. I will do this. I will do this. I concentrate my will on the energy and bid it to follow my command. With a pop, a log catches instantly.

And just like I had imagined it, the entire stock swiftly catches. Silver fire soon burns the entire pile to ashes.

I stare open mouthed for a long moment. Eventually, I look to Erik to find even his eyes a little wide. My ass hits the sand and a loud huff escapes my lips.

Well I’ll be damned. That just happened, and in one go too. Holy shit, how? I struggled to even draw it up for months, and now this. To manifest the energy away from myself took almost no time at all. Even Erik is surprised.

I manage to stutter out one word. “How?”

“You’re a quick learner. I wasn’t expecting you to get that one on your first try. Can you do it again? Without the wood this time?”

“No wood? How will the flames catch?”

“You don’t need the fuel, your energy is all the fuel your flames need. Your core, the storage place for all your energy, is a giant container of fuel that allows that fire to burn. It doesn’t matter where you will that energy, that’s where your fire will ignite. Visualize it like you did with the flames you manipulated on your hands, only away from you. Push the energy in your core outwards. If you want them to, the flames could float high in the sky with the right amount of energy expended. Just remember, the further from you and your core, the more energy you’ll need to expend.”

He sounds so sure, but I don’t feel sure at all. But, he’s been doing this way longer than me. What do I know? If he’s telling me to try, I might as well listen.

If I could set the pile alight, I’m sure I can set the air on fire too. The heat reaches my hands as I visualize the path I want the energy to travel. I snap open my eyes to watch the next part, not wanting to miss anything. I focus on my energy, commanding it forward.

There’s a slight resistance in my stomach, and it leaves me queasy. I push the feeling away and put my attention into feeding the energy into a tight ball a few paces from my face. Once I’m sure enough energy is coiled in space, I will it to ignite.

It does.

Except this time, it wasn’t a subtle burn, but a bright blast that sends me flying backwards. I slam into the wall with a heavy smack. The breath leaves my body and I’m left gasping for air. The smoke in the air causes me to cough. Worried, I look up and see Erik slouches against the wall on the opposite side of the arena. I struggle to stand and go to him, hoping I didn’t kill him.

Thankfully he’s not dead, and I watch as he stands and makes his way to me instead. His face is covered in black soot and parts of his clothes are singed. I wince at the immense and instantaneous guilt that consumes me.

“Well shit, Alanna, next time don’t concentrate that much. You okay?” he asks before I get a chance to ask if he’s okay and apologize.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know that would happen. Are you alright? I’m okay, but are you?” Still sitting on the ground, I peer up at his figure towering over me.

I see a slight twitch in his lip, the only outward sign he’s amused. “I’m fine. Nothing to be sorry for, you didn’t know. But for future reference, concentrating the energy like that is like creating a bomb. The bigger the energy concentration in one small radius, the larger the explosion.”

Confusion etches across my face. “A bomb? What’s a bomb?”

“That.” He points to the scorched black hole in the center of the arena. My eyes widen and my mouth drops. “That is a bomb. A concentrated blast of energy that will blow anyone or anything nearby, up.” He offers a hand and I hesitate briefly before grabbing it.

Erik pulls me to my feet and I stumble. I mumble a small ‘thank you’ and look away. “Do you want to try again or call it quits?”

“Quits.” I’m not ready to do that again. Besides, I’m hungry and tired.

He looks at me for a moment. “I’m not surprised. That took up quite a bit of energy. Take that as a lesson though. This is why we train to control our energy use. If you don’t control it, you burn through it immediately and your abilities become useless.  We’ll work on replenishing the energy you burn through too. With no understanding on how to feed the energy, you may find yourself in a tough spot one day. And although the energy will naturally refill itself, it’s a longer process. Now go grab something to eat.”

With that, I was gone.