Secretly

She had secretly raved about Erik Seibert all her school days. He, on the other hand, had mocked and teased her over the years for her bulky body, for her braces, for breasts that were too small and, last but not least, for her acne. Despite all his meanness and insults, she thought he was great. Apparently she had a slightly masochistic streak even then.

Erik had just been terribly cool, how he was always casually cruising around with his skateboard in the schoolyard during the breaks and performing small stunts and jumps with the part. As a real rebel, he had provocatively chewed chewing gum during class despite the prohibition, started smoking in the seventh grade, had argued with the teachers several times and disrupted the class and was therefore regularly shown outside the door. His grades were mostly bad because it was not cool to study and nerds like Sabine were ostracized for their hard work. A bad boy like he was in the book. He had also looked good on top of that. With a somehow dangerous, daring smile and piercing eyes that seemed almost sad in some supposedly unobserved moments.

All of the girls in her class, and a few more in her year, had a soft spot for him because of all these misconduct. And with a few happily chosen ones he had also had something going on. As with Tessa - her sign of a bitch and leader of the girls in her class. Tessa had been quite precocious and had already had real breasts and menstruation by the age of eleven in fifth grade. She and Erik had been the dream couple for a year in eighth grade and had always and at every opportunity sunk their tongues in each other's throats. Sabine had always felt a subliminal jealousy when she saw Erik with other girls. And that although he had absolutely not been well disposed to her.

It all began with the school's first Carnival party in fifth grade. Erik had caught Sabine's eye on the first day of school, of course, but he hadn't paid any attention to her until then. That changed suddenly when she entered the classroom with her bee costume on Weiberfastnacht. She wore black leggings, a black and yellow striped top with small wings on the back, and a headband with antennae. Elvira and Zoe found her adorable in this costume. Since their last name was Honig and Sabine's first name was Bine , they thought it was a very good idea to play with these steep templates. Unfortunately, they did not take into account that children sometimes did not share the winking humor of adults with one another.

Erik was having the fun of his life and burst out laughing when he saw Sabine. He himself was a sheriff with a hat, gun, fake mustache and star on his chest.

“Does she just arrive here as a fat, fat Maya the bee!” He said thievingly, “where did you leave your stupid friend Willi? Oh, there it is. "

At that very moment Wilhelm came into the classroom behind her. He was wearing a furry, brown bear costume and briefly eyed Sabine as she passed, but said nothing.

"Fat and fat like to go together," said Erik, "just disgusting."

Only with great difficulty was she able to hold back the rising tears, took a seat in her chair and tried to ignore Erik's sayings.

From that day on, Erik consistently called her only Maja and of course his entire court did the same. At every subsequent Carnival celebration he would ask her the stupid question why she was trying to dress up as something other than what she really was.

Sabine suffered quietly from his teasing and hoped that in time he would choose another victim. But it was and remained clearly his favorite play ball, which he verbally thrashed at as he liked, whenever he needed a lightning rod. She could not expect any help or assistance from her classmates. Because nobody messed with Erik voluntarily, in order not to run the risk of falling out of favor and thus appearing on his hit list. They all looked cowardly away.

It wasn't until Erik left after the tenth grade that Sabine could find something like peace. But the years of bullying had undeniably left deep marks on her battered soul, which were now scarred but never really healed. And now that she was face to face with her crush and tormentor again, he would probably tear her open again. He always had the power to do so.

“You look sharp, Maja. I would never have dreamed that I would dig at you. I didn't recognize you in a hurry. Only your shy, overwhelmed look gave you away, ”said Erik and grinned slyly.

The bartender handed Sabine her drink and finally took Erik's order. Sabine immediately took a long swig through the black straw.

"How are you? Didn't think to see you here again. But apparently everyone got an invitation. "

"I think all but a handful came, yes," she replied without looking at him.

She felt small and weak in his presence, but also didn't dare to walk away. She was still rooted to the spot.

Erik let his gaze wander over the people in the marked area.

"It's hard to believe that we all last saw each other ten years ago," he mused, "Somehow I missed all the spacks a bit."

Sabine secretly looked at him from the side. As he leaned so loosely with his back against the counter and watched the people, he still had that very own, attractive aura that surrounded him. In doing so, she was unable to define what exactly it was that it radiated. To her regret, he hadn't become ugly and fat, as she had often wished him to in her frustration. The sight of him still made her heart beat faster, even if her brain showed her a proper bird because of it.

The bartender pushed Erik his drink as well. Halfway to his lips, Erik spontaneously changed his mind and held his glass out to her.

"To the good old days."

Sabine dared and deliberately looked directly into his eyes. He smiled kindly. Reluctantly, she nudged his with her glass to create a faint clink. Erik nodded satisfied and sipped Sabine fixating on his drink. She did the same, but kept breaking eye contact by looking shyly at the floor.