Chapter 5: Where do I even start?

Still reeling from the possibilities, I smiled for the first time in what had been a whole month. A little disoriented at just waking up I looked at the time since it didn’t feel as if I had slept long enough. I grabbed my phone off my nightstand and immediately my phone displayed the time.

It was now 7:36 A.M. Crap! I'm running late. At 7:30 my English class was now starting and anyone there after that time was automatically given a tardy and had after school suspension. They had given me many get out of jail free cards after my mother told them the situation with Willow. Then last week the principal and my mother met up to discuss that there would be no more leniency when it came to my attendance and I would be put in detention if it continued.

My mom hollered at me snapping me out of my memory. She was probably waiting for me at the door like she normally was around this time. I was assuming she was probably running late this morning because she would have already been in my room dragging me out.

"Luna Nova! You better be down here in 5 minutes or I’m leaving without you. I don't care if you have to take the bus, I will not be late to work again because of you." She threatened.

It was an empty threat and made me giggle. She and I both knew that she has not once left me here to take the bus. Let’s not even mention the face that she didn’t even have to be at work till 9:00 AM she was not even close to being late for work. My mother was a glutton for punishment because every day she was clocking in early and clocking out late.

I opened the door to the bathroom to hear her warn, "Was that a giggle I heard? You better just be leaving that bathroom! I am not kidding you Luna. All I am giving you this morning is 5 minutes. So, make it fast and get your butt down these stairs."

My mother was a little rough around the edges but at the end of the day I knew it was just because she wanted what was best for me. I also knew she was still a bit peeved off about last week. It wasn’t a good week for me, and I ended up making her late every day for a whole week at the end of the month. She literally had to drag me out of bed every day.

Her and I both knew that her boss needed her way too much to let her go. He had a daughter at home, so he just continually told her to take as much time as she needed and that he understood what she was going through. I wasn’t intentionally trying to get her fired or something it was just so hard not having Willow around to balance me.  Even though I saw her every single night it still put me into a funk. I found myself not wanting to go anywhere let alone leave the house if it wasn’t to go see Willow.

I ran through my checklist quickly as I rushed to finish getting ready. Teeth, deodorant, hair, clothes and shoes. While back in my room I grabbed my favorite little black skirt off its hanger and searched through my drawers for a shirt. Mindlessly, I searched my drawers and pulled out my, Evanescence band tee.

In a hurry I walked back to my closet and decided I needed a little pep in my step for the day, so I threw on my limited edition, Nightmare Before Christmas Vans that are signed by Tim Burton himself. A gift from Willow who had traveled out of state with her mom and sat in line at the signing for 10 hours.

If I was being honest, I knew that getting ready had taken much longer than she had given me. Yet I still didn’t care enough to be any faster than I was already. I walked a bit faster than normal, but I was far behind. I grabbed my phone off the bed and yelped as soon as the wake function displayed that it was now 7:58 A.M. It was then that I hurried out my bedroom door and ran down the stairs two steps at a time finding myself almost tripping on the last step. The front door managed to break my fall and I was able to catch myself.

As I searched around me, I could see that my mother was not standing by the end table where she usually stood waiting for me to come down the steps. She stood in front of the mirror doing her last-minute makeup touches and then we were ready to go. I grabbed my book bag from the wall hook and threw open the door in a panic. As if I weren’t already a complete mess, I could hear the car pulling out of our driveway.

My mom did not just leave me, did she? It’s not like I would blame her if she did. She kind of gave me 5 minutes and a warning to go along with it. While I ended up taking advantage of my time and took about 20 minutes more than what I was given. I would have left a long time ago if it were my daughter.

The light from the sun was blinding as the 101-degree heat hit me as I rushed toward the vehicle and halted when I confirmed that my mother’s vehicle was no longer in its parking spot. So much for that. Begrudgingly, I looked toward the bus sign. Is it worth going to school and ruining my amazing mood or should I just skip? It's my senior year. What would I be missing anyway? A year ago, I would have never even thought about skipping but I am so over this year already. Do you ever feel like everything that could go wrong in your life does? Over. It.

I decided that I would take the bus, but I wouldn't be going to school. There was just something about last night that was bothering me. In the pictures she showed me yesterday it left a lot to the imagination and I still couldn’t understand what had happened. Maybe that was a good place to start, the bar. It took about 23 minutes of sitting underneath the Bus Bench stop for the bus to arrive.

As the doors opened the bus driver Larry gave me a huge smile, tipped his hat at me apologizing, "Sorry Luna, the bus is running a little late today. Where's Willow at? I haven't seen you or her in a hot minute?"

I smiled at him kindly, scanned my card, and went to take a seat toward the back of the half-empty bus. There was no way that I wanted to get into that right now and even if I did what would I tell him happened to her?

From anywhere in Ellis County it takes about 30 minutes to get downtown. Which meant I spent most of the bus ride with my earphones on and eyes staring out the window. That was like the unspoken rule on the bus if you didn't want others to speak to you, you wore headphones. There wasn't even a need to have your music on or have your headphones connected to anything you would just be automatically safe from the conversation. It was all I could do to keep to myself sane. I needed the silence to think clearly to try to process everything, forever internalizing.

Before I knew it a light on the digital destination sign began flashing that downtown Ellis was our next stop. Without waiting I stood up and pulled the cord above the window to indicate I would be getting off at our next stop. The bus driver waved at me as I shuffled to the back exit waiting for the doors to open. I quickly yanked off my headphones and stepped down onto the hot pavement. After a long look around me, the only question I could think of was. Where do I even start?