CHAPTER 1

"It is for your own good, Belle," Dad tells me and I give him a dry forced laugh. 

We are in the family room and they have been trying to put some sense into me. We have been talking about this...or rather they have been talking about this for almost three hours.

They seem pretty convinced that I will improve but I know perfectly well that it won't do me any good. I just hope things won't get worse than they already are. They made the decision already and they didn't include me, they practically forced me to accept. 

They enrolled me at States University last week and I will be starting my classes tomorrow. I don't know how this will end but a part of me is willing to take the risk. If I want to have a social life I got to learn how to relate with people. But I am partly pessimistic about the whole going to State University thing...

What if I end up hurting someone? I almost killed Jenny five years ago. What if I end up killing someone this time?

I panic at the thought and I shake my head stoutly. I am so anxious about the whole thing. I know I will have a very hard time adapting, I am so used to homeschooling. I actually preferred long-distance learning but mom and dad talked me into homeschooling. 

"Plus I will walk with you, sis, I won't let you go through this alone you know that, right?" Elsa asks giving me her beautiful signature smile.

A genuine one and I always wonder how she does it. She is always smiling genuinely.

Her smile makes everything beam brightly, she has Bella's smile too. I don't know why they seem to have all these things in common and at times I tend to think that I love Elsa because of her similarities with Bella and that explains why she is the only person I get along with.

"I don't know, Elsa, I am so anx...."

"Look at me, Belle," she tilts my chin making me face her and her chocolate brown eyes assures me that it will be okay, that everything will work out well. 

The eyes full of life, Bella's eyes.

"You can do this, okay?" I just nod and take a very deep calming breath. I can do this. "I got your back." She reminds me for the umpteenth time tonight.

I heave a sigh when she takes me in her arms and fondles my back assuringly. 

"We all got your back, Belle, we love you so much," mom reminds me and I sigh. 

I know they would do anything for me but I am always an ass all the damn time. I don't make anything easy for them, yet they always go the extra  for me.

They take all my shit and no matter how many times I have fucked up they still love me, always trying their best to make life easier for me. 

"Plus the administration assured us that they will make sure you are given special attention...." I glare at dad in disbelief. 

Really, special attention? And they want me to change? 

"I don't have special needs to be given any special attention, dad, I am seventeen for goodness and you should involve me when making decisions for me!" He gives me that innocent look and I already know what his next sentence is. 'We are doing this for you Belle'.

"We are doing this for you Belle," mom gives me the most cliché six words I know. 

They are ever doing everything for me. I seventeen and yet they still treat me like a six-year-old girl. 

"For me?" I snap rhetorically. "You don't know what I want, you have never bothered to ask what I fucking want, and you decided for me? I am so tired of all this, sick and fucking tired," I yell at them, I am clenching my hands tightly and I want to punch something so bad. I am aware of their eyes on me but I really don't give a fuck.

"You need this, Belle." Mom tries to calm me down.

"I don't want any special attention. Everybody will know that I am a psychotic bitch who can't control her emotions and they will mock me, mom." I scowl.

_That's exactly what you are._

"Belle..."

"You know what, fuck this whole thing. I am done." I yell standing up. 

I knew this whole shitty thing was a waste of time. 

"We had to Bella.....you need special att..."

"Shut the fuck up, mom, you don't know what I fucking need. I need a normal life and the administration promising to give me attention is not even close to normal." She sighs deeply and I roll my eyes running upstairs, good thing no one tries to stop me, they know better than that. 

I am taking two stairs at a time and I storm into my room breathing rapidly. I take my headphones from the nightstand and flop myself on the bed putting my headphones on, I need some sanity right now.

Music is the best shot!

********

"Yes that romper short, Belle," Elsa tells me pointing at the floral romper short but I contemplate wearing it.

The last thing I want right now is attention, it is my first day in school and I could do without people turning to look at me. 

They managed to fully convince me and I am giving it a tryout. I am doing this for them.

"Joining campus in the course of a semester is already enough, I hate attention," I tell her tossing the short in the wardrobe, and I fish out a pair of dark blue jeans and a white crop top and Elsa nods in approval. 

She is in a pair of light blue jeans and a similar pink crop top. 

Five minutes later I walk to the dressing mirror and I wear very minimal makeup, I make sure to hide the scar on my neck by letting my massive curled hair fall on my shoulders and partly on my chest, I nod at my reflection in satisfaction. I look like a normal college girl and I guess I am ready to go. 

I take my bag and sling it over my shoulder before walking out of my room with Elsa following me closely.

This better work for me.

"You look enthusiastic, Belle," dad comments on my way out, and I roll my eyes at him. The name Belle and enthusiastic in the same sentence?

That sentence sounds grammatically wrong. So fucking wrong.

I walk past him without acknowledging him and stand a meter away waiting impatiently for Elsa who stops to talk to dad.

"Take care of Belle for me please," he tells Elsa and I watch them do the father-daughter hug with a sneer. 

Do they get tired of hugging every now and then?

"Remember our slogan?" Elsa asks when we step out of the house and I nod.

"I can do this," she smiles perfectly and walks over to the driver's seat. I glance at my car before sitting shotgun at Elsa' Porsche. 

I can't even drive myself to school? What a boring life. I pleaded with mom for my car key but I gave up eventually.

They locked my key in the safe and I can't access it until I prove to them that I am capable of driving safely. 

I know I zoned out and caused a very bad accident the last time I drove, but really, that was one year ago on my sixteenth birthday and it was the only time I drove my car. I was admitted to the hospital for almost a month, luckily no one died.

I buckle up and put my headphones on, Elsa glances at me, and without saying a word she drives out of the driveway to the freeway. 

Twenty minutes later she is pulling into the school's parking lot. "Welcome to State University." She unbuckles and hops out of the car. 

I glance at her and she prods me to get out of the car with her persuasive smile. 

Slinging my back, I hop out and sigh deeply when I shut the door. 

SU is exactly like I thought. 

"You will be fine," she assures me when I start to fidget with my bag's strap. "I can sit with you in your first class." She suggests but I am quick to shake my head. I need to do this on my own besides she has sacrificed a lot for me.

"I can do this," I am freaking out but I can't tell her that, she can't know.

"That's my baby sis," she takes my hand and walks me to the lecture room, almost ten meters from the parking lots. 

"Thanks," I tell Elsa and she presses my hand tightly warming my heart up. If everyone was like her, the world would have been a better place.

"I got your back don't forget that, okay?" I nod and she smiles lightly. "Let me walk you to class," she offers but I assure her that I will be okay.

"I am only one call away and I will be standing right here on the doorstep waiting for you after your lecture." I give her one of my rare smiles and she pats my shoulder before turning on her heels. 

"You can do this," I psych myself and proceed to walk inside the lecture room that is half full. 

I can feel all the eyes on me as I walk to the front row and I secure myself a seat in the middle column. I hope it is no one's unassigned assigned seat, I am not ready for drama. I fish my novel from my bag and proceed to read.

"Where is that new girl?" Someone shouts from the back of the lecture hall and I bet he has just walked in.

He knows that there is a new girl and I am not even surprised, news do spread fast.

I am not good at ignoring people but I try so hard, I don't even turn to look at him. 

"Hey pretty?" The same voice only that it is closer this time, I ignore him again but he makes a grave mistake of snatching my book in an attempt to get my attention and I lunge for his fucking neck.