Seventeen: I Love Y*u

She swept it under the rug. She knew what Kelsey was like, but she thought it was different with Nathan. She was willing to ignore what Preston had told her for the sake of salvaging the only decent relationship Kelsey ever had with a guy, also the fact that Nathan had become someone that might stay in her life as a friend and professionally.

She had booked her ticket to Bhorma, Kelsey was tagging along to surprise Nathan. She was definitely keeping the relationship, it was easier for Julie to forget what Preston had told her.

She came back early to the dorm that day to start packing. She was in a good mood after receiving her final exams result. As she was entering her dorm room, Zach was getting out from it.

He looked like he just got out of bed, Kelsey was in the background tidying up her dress like she was just getting into them. "Hey," Zach greeted her casually. Julie gave him a half nod. Her gaze immediately moved to Kelsey who had guilt written all over her face. As soon as Zachary was out of sight, she pulled Julie in and closed the door.

"I can't believe you! Are you seeing him now?"

"Please, Jules, promise me you won't tell Nathan about it ... it just ... it just happened ... one day we met at a party, we had lunch at the cafeteria, and then we accidentally meet again at the club ... you know, one thing lead to another and then ..."

"God, Kelsey? What are you saying? You're dating him now?"

Kelsey pressed her lips with a grimace, "Kind of ... not really ... I don't know! I'm still with Nathan, you don't have to worry about that, you can still do the internship and stay at his place ... I just ... I couldn't decide ..."

"You know how much I hate to lie for you about these things, Kells? You actually think I'm worried about not being able to do the internship? What about having to lie to a friend?"

"You've done it before ... I mean, I'm sorry that you have to do that ... I want to be with Nathan, I just need time to be able to commit to him the right way, you know? And it's hard with him not being around."

"Really? And him being around would be better for you?" she challenged her with a look.

Kelsey was taken aback by the question, it wasn't so much the question but the way Julie asked in her judgmental tone. "Don't judge me like that ... I'm not perfect, Jules, I didn't plan any of this, I didn't plan to meet the right guy at the wrong time ... I feel like I'm still too young to commit, but I don't want to let him go ... you know?"

Julie stared deep into her eyes, "No ... I don't know, you don't have to be perfect in these kinds of situations, you just have to grow up! If anyone should say anything to Nathan, it should be you!" She was too upset to stay in that conversation, she left the room to cool down.

It was the first time she ever yelled at Kelsey about something like that. She was never friends with all Kelsey's exes. Lying to Nathan would be a burden for her, especially because how good he is as a person. She stormed out of the room and walked out of the building. She walked to her favorite coffeehouse to clear her head. Sometimes she thinks Kelsey might be too pretty for her own good. It was so easy for her to hook up with guys because of her looks. When she was actually with a good guy, she took it for granted and hooked up with another one.

All the while, Nathan had been in constant contact to update her about the progress with Ardor. He had run the restaurant for almost a month and was overwhelmed with the whole process. He told her about the ups and downs of the business as he was learning by doing. There are still so much to fix which made it even more exciting for Julie to start her internship. But the thing with Kelsey had abruptly torn her excitement, and it was only three days away until her departure.

A cup of hot latte can always help her cope in any situation. The first sip already made her feel a bit better. Sitting in her favorite corner, she realized she didn't bring a book to read. She took out her phone, there were messages from Preston. He saw her stormed out of the dorm and followed her by foot. Before she could answer his text, he was already entering the coffeehouse.

"You're right ... she's seeing Zach, I just walked in on them at the dorm," Julie started without a greeting.

Preston sat across from her and sighed, "I'm sorry, what are you gonna do about it?"

She lifted her shoulders, "Nothing ... and I hate it so much! I hate lying to someone who doesn't deserve to be lied to!"

Preston kept silent, he was just there to listen as he watched her face.

"How do you do that? How do you keep a relationship and sleep with other people, go back to your partner like nothing happened, and tell it to their face that you love them?"

"Me? Why are you asking me for? Shouldn't you be asking Kelsey?" Preston was amused by how she lashed out on him over what Kelsey had done.

"Well you do that too ... you use your charm and good looks to attract girls, and then you smooth talk them into having sex with you while your girlfriend is somewhere out there thinking that you were thinking about her."

Preston's jaw dropped, "You're really going at me right now? But this isn't about me ... is it?" he felt like she was accusing him of something.

"Oh ... forget it, I can't understand it, whatever the reason is."

There was an uncomfortable silence between them.

"Is this about what happened between us?" Preston took the courage to ask the question.

"No," she said, but her expression gave her away. Somehow what was going on with Kelsey was a cruel reminder of what had happened to her.

"It is, isn't it? Can we talk about this?" Preston wanted to put an end to the lingering problem.

"No, I don't want to talk about it, it's done and forgotten," she dismissed him completely.

She tried to put up a stern face though she was crumbling inside. Her heart was racing, tears were building up behind her eyes. She hated herself for feeling the way she felt at that moment, she really thought she had recovered from it.

"Now who's the cold one? I surely haven't forgotten it, how could I ever?" his voice was soft.

She pressed her lips together to hide the tremble.

Preston held her hand, "I never told her I love her, I went back to break up with her, and then I told you I love you."

She shook her head, pulled her hand away. "You don't know the first thing about love, Preston." She stood up and left, she didn't want him to see the tears that started to fall on her face.

"Wait ... Jules!" he called out, but she quickens her pace. He ran after her out to the streets. He called out a few more times, she kept on walking. He wasn't going to let her go like that, he finally caught on and grabbed her arm. His heart almost stopped when he saw her face wet with tears. He never realized the repercussion of what he had done. He pulled her in and wrapped her arms around her, "Oh, Jules, I'm so sorry."

She buried her face in his chest and sobbed. She had been trying to stay strong, she couldn't held it anymore. If there was anyone that could make her let go of the burden, it was Preston, the culprit, her best friend. He held her tight in his embrace, he wasn't going to let go, not until she was ready to let go.

"It was just sex, right? Some people need more sex than others, that's what you said," she said between her sobs. She pulled away from him. "But you were my first ... it suppose to mean something to me," she finally said what was so hard to accept.

His heart sank, "You've taken it the wrong way, that's not what I meant." He wouldn't let go of her hands.

"I don't know how else to interpret what you meant by that, and it's okay ... really, I knew this but I did it anyway, it wasn't all your fault." She tried to free herself to walk away.

"I was an idiot, I didn't intend for it to happened that night ... I should've waited, but you kept talking about wanting to fall in love with the perfect guy and how you wanted to lose it with him, and I ... " Julie looked at him puzzled. "I wanted to be your first ... I couldn't stand thinking it was going to be someone else."

"You planned it?" Julie hugged herself, a surge of chill went over her.

"I wanted to break up with Naomi and then ... I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend ... but that night was so perfect, I couldn't stop myself ... I ended up screwing it all up and made you feel like you were just a booty call ... it wasn't like that at all, Jules, you have to believe me," his face was filled with guilt and fear. It was a confession she never thought she'd hear from him. It rendered her speechless.

"I told you ... it was just sex ... with the other girls ... but not with you." He stared deep into her eyes as she was still unable to find any response to give him. His adoring eyes made her feel like she was the only girl in the world to him. But she knew him too well to know that he looks at everyone the same way, as beautiful his words were, she knew better not to believe him.

She covered her face with both her hands, it burst out of her, she cried. She loved him. But a romantic relationship would hurt one, if not both of them, and all they had will be lost forever. She didn't want that. It never crossed her mind to be romantically involved with her best friend.

"I wish you hadn't said that ..." her voice was almost inaudible.

Preston shook his head, he knew what was coming, "No ..." he didn't want her to say it.

"I can't be your girlfriend, Preston ... you knew that ... I'm sorry ..." she said it quickly and walked away from him just as quick.

His shoulders slumped, his hands on his waist. He couldn't bring himself to follow her. He knew she needed to avoid him. He kicked the trash bin that stood near him, what he wanted was to kick himself on the head for being such a failure. He failed every relationship he had with a girl, and now he was failing this one too. The most important one in his life.